Friday, 31 July 2009

Good Advice

The Initials you can see are A.P
just in case you thought it was me.
A P stands for Adam Poole
although most people, call him Adam The Fool
Why did he do this, nobody knows
he put cream, where nobody goes!
so now he has no hair, on his ball sack
he doesn't seem to care, he wants to his crack!
He said it makes them feel nice and smooth
is his mind, it was a good move!
he got them out to show me, despite my protest
I thought he was a phonie, I thot it was a jest.
he got them out and i ran away
there are enough people already, who think we are gay.
We're not gay, but he is my best friend.
this is not the message im trying send.
So my friend Adam, just so ya ken
I never wanna see, your balls again!

Have a nice

Andy G

Monday, 27 July 2009

The Place to be seen.....


How was your weekend? Did u drink too much again? You have a bit of a problem.

I have discovered that a lot more people than I realised have been reading this blog. Bloody hell you guys must be really fucken bored! Anyway to protect people’s privacy I will occasionally change the name of the people I am referencing. If you have a preference for your pseudonym then please let me know.

So I’m just back from my trip to the deen. It was ace, after a surprisingly pleasant bus journey ( I got a double decker, also known as the stretch limo of the bus world)

First act of business was to check out my new flat, its about 20 minutes from city centre, im not going to give you the exact address because you might be a crazy stalker who wants to come round, peel off my skin and wear it to your birthday. Here’s my new front door, and thats all the info you will get out of me!

The flat is one of several hundred owned by the real estate queen of Aberdeen, Deardrie. (also known as the crazy flower lady in the restaurant) it’s small but it’ll do. The Kitchen is quite small but that’s not a problem because I’m not much of a chef. The problem is I don’t know where im going to put all my dvd’s!! I do not like throwing out anything and im not sure how im gonna fit all my stuff into this flat.

I’m moving all my stuff in, in a couple of weeks, anyone who is free on Sunday august 9th if you give me a hand you will be rewarded with Beer and the finest take away pizza domino’s has to offer.

Then went to my parents house, I am sure it is shrinking. I haven’t lived there in several years but I remember it being bigger. Went for a run, my dad asked if I was running to the chipper, he does not read the blog so in his mind this was a very original joke,(just not very funny) My Mum made steak pie which was awesome and then I headed into town. My folk’s house is miles away from town but luckily my mum was heading to church (by church I mean bingo, she goes a lot, she has a problem)

I got dropped off at my mates house where we started the night, the way EVERY Saturday night should start, with beer and Doctor Who. My friend is a part time geek, he’s not quite at my level but give him time. We were planning on heading to town as soon as doctor who finished but we both still had half a beer to finish, this led to watching Top Gear and having another beer. Fearing our friends would be angrily waiting for us we left half way thru top gear and headed to the pub. We were around 45 minutes late and we were still the first there. I was quite annoyed, we could have finished watching Top Gear! We started in the old hogs head. It hasn’t been called the hogs head in about 10 years but we still call it that. There were beers galore and the banter was flowing, after a few beers we decided to head to the club where our friend is general manager, it was his birthday and felt we should join him for a birthday drink. He was working so we had the drink for him. It was here I bumped into an old friend of mine. I had not seen her in a couple of years and she seemed to want to escape some bloke who was chatting her up. We went out side for a cigarette, I suddenly remembered I don’t smoke so just tried to blend in with the smokers and look cool. The banter was in full swing and she mentioned she had been reading the blog. She even suggested a new name (something no one else has, bastards) It was quite good, I promised her If I use it I’d buy her a drink. We wandered off together and the next morning I woke up in Portlethen. (a tiny village about 10 miles away). After parting ways with my lady friend I realised I had no idea how to get back to Aberdeen. I asked a woman at the bus stop what time the next bus was and she looked terrified. This may be because there was a strange bearded man smelling of beer talking to her. They don’t like city boys out there!

I eventually got back to my folks house around 1 ish, my dad was good enough to cook me a bacon sandwich, I ate half of it, vomited a bit, then finished the sandwich. I started thinking about all this exercise im doing. There’s no need, ill just vomit after a meal, its genius. I wonder if there’s a name for this diet? After finishing my sandwich I had a well earned nap, unfortunately I slept a bit later than I meant to and missed my dinner reservation with Althea and Ivano. Never mind.

Had some pasta then headed into town to meet up with the restaurant staff. I was still hungover from the night before so I started slowly, with a diet coke and then a red bull before I mustered up the courage to order a beer. Lately I can’t seem to handle my drink, I only had a few beers on sat night with the guys but I was quite drunk. I blame this on lack of sleep and not my lack of drinking ability. Anyway once one of the owners turned up I was not allowed to be such a wimp. She is a tough negotiator and managed to get a decent deal out of the manager for cheap cocktails. We were in revolution which I have not liked in the past, the food and service is almost always shit but the location is good. I was quite impressed with this button.

Althea was disappointed to discover it was for the outside heaters and not a marital aid.

So it was cocktail after cocktail and Althea was getting drunker and drunker. It was great to see some of the old staff again. Joyce was there and seemed chuffed about her reference. And Fingers, one of the barman came along, a few weeks ago there was talk of us moving in together but I have decided I want to live on my own. I can’t be arsed living with people any more, I don’t want to wait for the shower in the morning, I don’t want to clean up someone else’s mess in the kitchen so I can cook my dinner. Plus I am a miserable git so I don’t think I’d be very pleaseant to live with, and I want to run around my house naked.

The night started off slow but eventually a lot of people turned up including one girl who I think was called vagina!

After revolution we all moved to Enigma, some of the staff were already there because they said they couldn’t afford to drink in revolution. I didn’t notice the difference in price but I did notice the difference in music, It was awesome. It appeared to be 80’s night in enigma and I was loving it, among my favourites played were “you can call me Al” and “we didn’t start the fire” by billy joel. I was loving it. A few people couldn’t hack the pace and went home to bed where the rest of us took the party to espionage. It was £2.5 for a cocktail before midnight, we go there around 11:30 and it was dead. It still took about 15 minutes to get a bloody drink. I think this may have been a cunning plan in order to sell us one cheap cocktail and by the time we’ve finished it they are more expensive. Clever. Either that or the bar maid was shit!

it was empty but that didn't stop Althea from wanting to dance

One of the waitress's was impressed with the female budda

After a while the club started to get semi busy so there was a bit of an atmosphere, I had a bit of a boogie and then noticed some kind of disturbance with my drinking buddies at the bar. I mosied on over to investigate and here’s what I gather happened. One of the restaurant staff turned up and demanded the manager who was out with us, go to the restaurant and get her wages. What a bitch! It’s 1 am on a Sunday night, there is no one in the restaurant and she knows that. She could have picked them up yesterday or probably even earlier that day or even the next day, but she demanded that someone go and get them.

Now I admit I had a couple of beers in me by this point and it is very possible I got the wrong end of the stick and this is all just a big mix up. But I don’t think so. I am going to return to work at the restaurant soon and I sincerely hope this girl will be fired before then. The two managers who were out with us went back to the restaurant and this clearly upset some people. So a direct message to this girl!


It’s a fucken night out and you come along and demand your wages, fuck off!

Now as I said there is a chance I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick and if so, ermmm sorry for calling you a bitch, I’m sure you’re a lovely person really, and I look forward to working with you in the restaurant and dancing the night away with you at the next staff night out.

I left around 1ish and headed to my favourite late night restaurant,

I like it because it does exactly what it says on the tin. Also I once got a pizza here in less than 30 seconds. The next day I realised that I may have taken someone else’s pizza but I was happy.

So monday morning arrived and I packed my bag and made my way to town, before I left I had arranged a meeting with the owner of the restaurant (Vinnie) to discuss my upcoming triumphant (part time) return to work. It was pouring rain and the thunder was deafening, it was like something out of a movie. I feared this was sign,something terrible was going to happen. Maybe Vinnie won’t let me work there, maybe he hates me, maybe he’s gonna pretend to have the meeting then kill me and harvest my organs, maybe he’s reading this blog and now thinks im a mental!! As the thunder roared in the sky above I saw vinnie approach from a distance, he apologised for being late and we went in. Luckily he did not harvest my organs (they can’t be worth that much, especially the liver) and the meeting went very well, he’s gonna pay me very well and work around college hours, I made a point in saying that college comes first but ill help out as much as I can. He’s going to send me on the personal licence course also. This means more responsibility than I would like but it also means a fun day out learning about drinking!!

So there we have it. My trip to the deen, in a rather boring blog entry .

So that was my trip up to Aberdeen

It really is the place to be seen

I had lots of beer on Saturday

I woke up with a girl, in a town far away.

On Sunday I decided to take it easy

Not drinking as much, not being so sleazy.

I woke up the next day, I was feeling fine

I woke up in the bed, that used to be mine.

That’s all for now, I’ve got to go.

Ill se you all soon, that’s fo sho!!

Sorry that poem is a bit shit ( and yes I do know that most of them are shit but that last line is awful)

Until next time

Have a nice

Andy G

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Saturday, 25 July 2009

Minty Fresh Evil Babies!

thanks for reading, sorry for being such a miserable git in the last post, since my dance I have cheered up considerably, I'd say by a factor of 10 at least.


I had a pretty good day at work and now I have the weekend off for my trip to aberdeen. it was another fantastic friday in the busiest tapas bar this side of the forth and i was yet again stuck on the door. It wasn't too bad today tho, it was actually kind of busy so i had lots to do. plus somthing truly ace happened which has restored my faith in customers, those of you who follow me on twitter or read my facebook status will already know.
The other day i took a booking over the phone for lunch today. it was an older woman and when i took down her contact number I said " oh thats an aberdeen number, are you coming all that way just to see me?" I know, its cheesy waiter humour, I disgust myself sometimes. She said she was coming down for the day to meet a friend but she could tell I was from aberdeen just by my accent. I was amazed by this as very few people can ever tell where I'm from, when I was in new york, I once challenged a table of 6 to guess where I was from and if they got it right I promised them a round of drinks! I am fairly certain they must have been on day release from the local nuthouse, the 6 answers I got were, Germany, Australia, England, Denmark, Ireland and Brooklyn???? Now I don't have a particularly strong scottish accent but how is it possible i sound like any of these nationality's???? After pointing out to them that I was wearing the scottish flag pin on my shirt, they stared at it for a moment and open of them said, "thats Funny, you don't look Jamaican." Fucken Americans!
Anyway, I was impressed she recognised my accent and i jokingly said if she brought me down some butteries i'd buy her a drink.
so half way through lunch one of the waitress's comes to me and says a customer is upset and wants to complain to the manager, as all the other managers were busy she came to me. I wandered up expecting it to be someone moaning about the price of wine or something eqiually petty, it was the woman from aberdeen. She wanted to give me a present! a packet of Butteries!

I couldn't believe it. How nice is this woman?! It really did make my day, she knew I was joking on the phone but she bought me a packet anyway. I was truly chuffed, I guess it goes to show that not all customers are that bad. I bought her and her friend a glass of wine and told her to come to the restaurant in aberdeen when i move back up and i'd buy her a glass of wine there too.
It was just a joke on her part but she is now my hero. I had one with my lunch, I gave one to the waitress serving her and I ate the other two with my dinner tonight when i got home! Lovin it!

Had a few people in with babies today, Edinburgh seems to have a lot of babies. everyone seems to love them and constantly stops at tables and comments on how cute the baby is looking, but sometimes you get a really ugly one. Today there was a couple with there baby, and this baby had a massive head! it was huge! it looked like a watermelon. Now i did feel guilty when i realised that maybe this child was unfortunate enough to be born with a birth defect. once i realised this i did start to feel terrible for thinking such nasty thoughts about such an innocent child. After a second glance at this kid, I'm fairly certain its not actually deformed, it just has a MASSIVE head. I started to get paranoid, what if this is some kind of super baby? what if it has a big head cos it has a massive brain and is reading my mind, maybe it made me feel guilty by implanting all the deformed baby thoughts in my mind, OH MY GOD THERE IS AN EVIL BABY in the restaurant!! I started to panic. Luckily it was time for my break, so I legged it to the staff room and hid there. An hour later I returned to the floor and the evil baby was gone, no doubt to plan its world domination. Now you may think im being paranoid but i thought i would do some research, when I typed in evil baby into you tube this is what I discovered!

After i made sure the evil baby was not lurking around any corners waiting to attack, i noticed a crowd had gathered at the front door. I feared the evil baby was perhaps leading some form of massacre outside but it turned out it was just raining very heavily. Two women refused to leave the restaurant until it went off, and they seemed very annoyed when I did not have an umbrella for them. we're a tapas bar not an umbrella shop. (Is there such a thing as an umbrella shop? and if not why not?) I have a suspicion these 2 women may be related to the wicked with of the west and afraid to go out into the water incase they melt. This would be quite amusing to watch but i do NOT want to clean up that mess.

I discovered something interesting today, apparently the royal mint has made a giant cock up and released tens of thousands of twenty pence coins with no year stamped on them, they are now being recalled with a reward of £50 a coin. Seriously! check out here if you don't believe me.
The royal mint calls this "an incredibly unusual lapse in the strict quality control at the Royal Mint"
I think they had a big staff night out the night before printing began and a few of them came in a wee bit hungover.
So the mint has started a nationwide scavenger hunt for these 20p's. I checked thru my box of change tonight. I have 288 20 pence coins, and all of them have the year on them. Bugger!

o well, at least it kept me occupied for 20 minutes. Now I really must go. its 2 in the morning and I need to pack my bag for my trip to the deen tomorrow. I'll tell you all about it soon. I'm getting the bus at 10 am tomorrow and as you already know I'm not a morning person. I'm hoping they will not recognise me with my new haircut and crappy beard. I have enemies in the bus industry. Ill tell you more about that soon.

Until next time
Have a nice

Andy G

Feelin happier today, since i walked on sunshine!
I owned that dance, I made it mine!
I've been working alot and its taking its toll
then someone came along and gave me a Roll!
That really cheered me up, I was filled with Glee.
someone came from up north, and delivered a Rowie!!
then there was the evil baby, and the wicked witch of the west,
they weren't so bad, compared to the rest.
i hope from now on, you'll check all your 20 p's
if you find a winner, can you buy me a pint please?

Friday, 24 July 2009

You wont like me when I'm Angry

Hi hows it going?
I dunno why I ask that cos ur no gonna answer are you? Its not like we’re in the same room.
I’ll warn you in advance, im gonna have a bit of a moan, this is my blog and ill say whatever I fucken want! If you don’t like it then bugger off.
Sorry I’m in a bit of a shitty mood.
Lately I have been very grumpy, everything seems to be annoying me at the moment. I’m really stressed. Everything seems to be piling up and its making me more miserable every day.
Work is annoying me more & more. Is it just me or are the public becoming even more stupid?
I took a call today from some to confirm there booking for the weekend. It’s a party of 10 for sat night. Now with parties of 8 or more in my restaurant you have to go for the set menu, it’s a tapas place and the only way to manage it is to limit what the larger parties can order, otherwise it will take 20 minutes just to put the food down on one table.
So this woman calls and I remind her about the set menu.
She says she wants to go for the ala carte menu and I politely explain its not possible with that many people.
She seems ok with it and says she’ll call back with definite numbers later that afternoon, so later that afternoon she does not call, but sends one of her friends in to see me. Her friend says that she is not happy with the set menu and the woman booking the table is very upset.
Very upset?
It’s a fucken dinner? Wot the fuck is the matter with you? GROW THE FUCK UP!!!
Your apparently nearly in tears (which I don’t believe) because of the menu choice? What are you, 7?
Fucken customers!
I am very much looking forward to the day when I only have to deal with the public on a part time basis.
Earlier today I was very, very angry with Adam, I have problems with my old bank at the moment and they are sending stuff to my flat but it is addressed to my mum, (don’t ask why, its not very interesting, mind you neither is most of the shit I write about) the postman came today while I was at work and he needed a signature, but Adam did not sign for it. He said there is no one here with that name, now he has been my best mate for over 6 years, he knows my last name, he knows my mum’s name, so when this letter arrived and required a signature, he did not connect those dots!!!!! He did not even think to call me!!! This made me very angry as this letter most likely has important information. When I asked him about it, he said that he did remember my mums name was Anne and what my last name was but his circle of thought returned him to the fact that no one with that name lives at this address, he then remarked and I quote “I’m too intelligent”
I do not even see how this comment makes any sense!
Suffice to say I was very angry
It’s not just work, I had the bus journey from hell a few weeks ago, which pissed me off,( I am currently engaged in a letter writing battle of wits with a bus company, ill let you know more soon) the bank I left 2 years ago are saying I owe them money and im trying to organise a new flat in Aberdeen and move all my stuff up there while still working full time. It’s a fucken pain.
Sorry im moaning but your choosing to read all this shit no one's forcing you.
(if you are in fact being forced to read this, perhaps at gunpoint, then I do sincerely apologise. No doubt you are stressed enough about the gun being held to your head, the last thing you want to do is read about all my shit. I hope you get out of this rather difficult situation sooner rather than later, good luck)
And my computer is playing up, it seems to be taking about half an hour to do the simplest thing, its really, really annoying me, and everyday I get that little bit closer to smashing it to pieces.
I’m also stressed about returning to student life, im 27 now. 27, that’s my late 20’s! A lot of my friends are graduating, getting married, buying house’s and having babies, and I’m trying to rent a one bedroom flat and returning to Aberdeen college. Most likely to be stuck in a class of 17 & 18 year olds who don’t give a shit and are just happy not to be in school. It just seems wrong somehow. I feel like im just this gigantic ball of fucking stress getting larger and larger until my fucking head explodes with frustration!! (I just realised that sounded ever so slightly pornographic, this was not my intention) usually in this blog I just talk about random shit but I thought I’d give you an insight into how im actually feeling. In just over a month I am returning to Aberdeen to start a course I really should have done 9 years ago. I didn’t want to return to Aberdeen, its no secret it was not my first choice, I really wanted to go to Glasgow but it seems fate keeps drawing me back to the granite city. Fuck knows why? Maybe my old boss paid off the school in Glasgow so I’d be forced to return to Aberdeen and work for him, this is a cunning move and I applaud his ingenuity. I also despise him, if it is in fact true.
I met up with Dave and Jonny from Aberdeen tonight, we went out for a couple of beers and it cheered me up a bit, I left early to get home and get some sleep but instead I am staying up to write all this bollocks. On the way home I just kept thinking about all the shit that’s happening lately, I’m just getting angrier and angrier about how fucken shit my life is right now, I get home and im so fucken angry, im so fucken stressed, I need to vent this anger some how, I look around but there is no one to beat the shit out of (just as well cos I am a bit of a wuss) and realise there is only one option!

If you can’t see the video then click here!
or maybe here
I feel better now
I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to everyone who has suffered the brunt of my grumpyness, especially Adam and Jon, my drinking team brothers and flatmates. I’m sorry I over reacted to the letter thing earlier and I’m sorry I’m such a grumpy bastard. Here’s a poem to make up for it
I’d like to say sorry to Adam & Jon
Well not just them but every one
Soon im returning to Aberdeen,
In my old work is where ill be seen
Im the good looking one
Wearing the tie
Yeah that’s me, the grumpy looking guy!
Until next time
have a nice
Andy G

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Out for a pint with Jonny and Dave

My face is itchy!

Hey how’s it going?
 Good to see u, well I cant really see you (or can I?)
Thought I’d write and give a quick update on the Life of Andy G.
I’ve been working away serving tapas and trying to maintain my new fitness regime. Sadly its not that easy, the weather has been a bit shit lately so its not been possible to go for a run. I use the wii fit whenever I can but I share the tv with the other guys in the flat so I can’t always use it. I am improving tho. Look what it said!!

Although I am fairly certain this thing is schizophrenic as less than 5 minutes later it called me a couch potato!

It may have said that as I did spend those 5 minutes shouting abuse at the woman on the screen. (I call her Wendy). She may be a bunch of pixels but she is a real bitch sometimes. She keeps saying “your legs shaking a bit”
Well Wendy that’s cos im only standing on one leg isn’t it???? Im not a statue ya know!
We fight a lot, but I think she’s starting to like me.
I have lost weigh since I started and I hope to lose a stone by the time I go to Paul & Sonya's wedding in September.

I scream and shout at my wii fit
Its not wendy’s fault, its me, im shit.
I really don’t like to exercise
But that’s no secret, to all you guys.
Hopefully I'll be slim, for the wedding in September
And give some lucky bridesmaid, a night to remember!

Im also busy preparing for my move to Aberdeen and adjustment to student life. It will be strange not having a proper income and having to get up really early in the morning! I’m heading up to Aberdeen this weekend to check out my new flat, have a meeting with my old boss about my triumphant (part time) return to my old restaurant, and to attend Althea's leaving do. She was my supervisor when I was manager, once she realized how crap it was to work with me in a managerial capacity she escaped and moved onto become the manageress of a great little place in the city centre. When I left the restaurant she quickly moved back to take my old job. (She was much better at it than me) She now has handed in her notice to move onto bigger and better things, coincidentally she resigned the same day I announced I was coming back! I must be really, really shit to work with!
Althea leaves and I come back
Will I have, to pick up the slack?
She doesn’t want to work with me
Or so it seems?
She’s leaving the restaurant, to follow her dreams.
I’ll think she’ll sit at home & drink too much wine
She’ll miss the Door, & be back in no time.
I’m trying to get into a student mindset already, I’m trying to save money anywhere I can, (hence the hair cut)

This haircut means no expensive hairgel and less shampoo used. I’ve also decided to grow a beard. This will save money on expensive shaving foam and razor blades. I figure if I’m going to be a student I should look the part so I’ve grown a crappy student beard.

I did a bit if research on beards for something to write about in the blog, I found this on wikipedia
In the course of history, men with facial hair have been ascribed various attributes such as wisdom and knowledge, sexual virility, masculinity, or high social status;
I thought that adequately described me, but then the sentence continued...........

and, conversely, filthiness, crudeness, or an eccentric disposition, such as in the case of a bum, hobo or vagrant.
This could also be an accurate description, anyone who has seen me when i have just woken up after a night of heavy drinking would agree.
Upon further research I discovered this. Also on wikipedia so it must be true!!
A recent study in the U.K. found that women rated men with facial stubble as tough, mature, aggressive, dominant and masculine - and as the best romantic partners, either for a fling or a long-term relationship
Well that is most definitely me, ladies from an orderly queue!
Many great people throughout history had beards, Abraham Lincoln, Ernest Hemingway, Vincent Van Gogh, Commander William Riker. All these guys looked cool with beards so I thought I’d give it a go.
Beards have been popular throughout history The Ancient Greeks regarded the beard as a badge or sign of virility which it was a disgrace to be without, but by the time of Alexander the Great the custom of smooth shaving was introduced. Reportedly, Alexander ordered his soldiers to be clean shaven, fearing that their beards would serve as handles for their enemies to grab and to hold the soldier as he was killed.
Well I'm not planning any great battles in the near future but ill make sure I grab a Gillette Mach 3 turbo before hitting the battlefield if anything comes up!
Now my beard is still in the shitty stubbly early phase, but I’ve got 2 years to train for the World Beard Championships, they will be held in Trondheim, Norway, May 17 2011. By that time I hope to look like this guy

And he only came in third
It’s been one week, since I had a shave
I look like a hooligan, but I know how to behave.
According to wikipedia, it’ll be a hit with the ladies
Come on girls, lets start making babies.
Well not really make them
I just want a shag
Ill be extra careful, ill even double bag!
I hope this Blog has educated you in some small way. I hope all is well with you wherever you happened to be in the world. and until next time......
Have a nice

I took several pics of myself but they all looked shit so I decided to replicate the "same vacant open mouthed expression" I used when I showed you all my new haircut, except this time I would wear my cowboy hat!

Andy G
this way you can get all the crap I type delivered straight to your inbox.

Saturday, 18 July 2009

Anti theft device

The Name Game

Good evening!

How the hell r ya? Had a busy week? My week has been quite dull. Serving tapas to the masses in our nations capital is not as exciting as you may think. I have been stuck on the door for most of the week, which means I need to organise where people are sitting, sadly its not that busy so its quite an easy job. I have to stay by the door, so the phone gets answered and there is always someone there to greet the customers. The other day I had another potential love interest. A good looking blonde came in for lunch on her own, she felt a bit self conscious about being on her own, and didn’t want to sit in the main restaurant so she sat in the deli area. Although I don’t know how this made her feel less self conscious as every customer who came thru the front door would now see her, but who knows how a woman’s mind works? I don’t think they know themselves! Anyway after taking her order we got talking, she is moving up to Edinburgh in a week and she’s just here job hunting and trying to get to know the city. She had never been to Edinburgh before so I suggested a few decent pubs in town and a couple of decent restaurants I’ve been to. We were having quite a decent chat and in my head we were already madly in love. I then asked her what she was doing for accommodation; she said she was staying with her boyfriend.

Conversation over. There’s your bill! Have a good day!

Easy come easy go.

It can get slightly boring working the door, but you do get some entertainment from some of the truly stupid people who come through the door. Quite often people will just come in and say

“I have a booking”

And offer up no other information. They will just stare at me and expect me to know who they are. I’m not a Fucken mind reader!!! Good for you if you have a booking, so do all these other people on the page you fucken MONG! Sadly it is frowned upon when you talk to customers in this manner.

Customers are a strange bunch of people; I took a booking on the phone yesterday. When taking bookings I always take the first and last name. This is done because sometimes you get 2 bookings with the same surname and chaos ensues. And it happens more often than you would think, even if you have an unusual last name, I once had two booking under the name Dobbenmyre on the same night, turns out they were cousins who hadn’t seen each other in 20 years, I got the impression they would like to leave it that way. Also sometimes people coming may not know the surname of who booked. When I asked a customer for her first name, she said “now your pushing it!”

Now I’m pushing it? I’m asking for your first name! that’s all. It’s not like I’m breathing heavily down the phone asking what you’re wearing! Bloody people!

Today was not a particularly busy Friday. It did not help when it started to rain. I never understand people’s reaction to the rain. People seem terrified. People run through it to get somewhere, how much dryer do you think your actually gonna be if you run? Not much! People refuse to leave shops or bars because it’s raining. Its JUST WATER!!!!! What’s the worst that can happen? Do you think your gonna fucken drown!!

Sorry I am starting to sound like a miserable old git aren’t I? Maybe it’s my new haircut? Maybe it’s making me evil! That’s enough about work. I have been reading a great book at the moment its called Waiter Rant; it’s all about the life of a Real waiter in New York. It’s really good and completely accurate. Anyone reading this who works in hospitality you really should read it. You will totally relate to everything this guy says! Read his blog at or buy his book on Amazon. It’s really good. I sound like a shit advert don’t I?

Anyway what else has been happening? I’m heading up to Aberdeen within the next couple of weeks to check out a potential new flat, I need to be out of here in one month. So I want to get all my stuff up to Aberdeen within the next 3 weeks. Anyone in the Deen who happens to be reading this, please help me move house! Any help will be rewarded with beer and take away pizza!

Can anyone think of a better name for this blog? Right now its called The Blog of Andy G, im tryin to come up with something better, I have a few names in mind, mostly puns based on film titles.

Right lets have a competition. I’m after a name for this Blog. It should be witty, original, inspirational, unique, charming, mysterious, awesome, interesting and inoffensive, just like me.

If someone submits a name which I deem Awesome enough to use as the new title, I will travel to wherever they are in the world and buy them a pint of there favourite beverage, they will receive an entire blog entry dedicated to them and I will even write one of my (admittedly crappy) poems about them.

For a new title I’m looking to you!

Can you come up with a name, or even 2?

Let your creativity blossom

I need a title that’s truly awesome

If your titles are better than mine

Maybe you could feature in my next rhyme!

Please submit your names to

Good Night and Good Luck!

Andy G

p.s. for some reason face book have deleted all the Pics from my previous Blog entries, I don’t know why. I have sent them a semi abusive email asking what they think they are playing at! Hopefully the problem shall be rectified shortly.


I’ve just re read that blog entry and realised it’s a bit shit!! Especially that poem.

Ummmmmm sorry about that, to be honest I’m just a bit bored. But you must be bored too, what other excuse do you have for reading all the shit I write? Unless this is my future therapist trying to figure out what finally drove me over the edge before I got committed? That’s quite a worrying thought.

Ne way im gonna go now, if you can think of a decent name for this blog please let me know

Have a nice

Andy G

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Time to accept my fate!

For years I fought it!

I promised myself it would never happen, not to me, I was different! I would beat the system. I am Andy G, I will not succumb!! My Father always told me it was inevitable! It was in my D.N.A. I didn’t believe him, I held out hope for years that my real father was actually the milkman and this imposter was not to be believed. Sadly, my father spoke the truth. I should have known, we must be related, how can two people talk about Doctor Who so much and not be related?

My Mum promised me this would not happen, Mum how could you lie to me? You also told me I was the most handsome boy in Aberdeen? Was this also a lie? My very belief system is rocked to the core!!!

I now have 3 options

1 I can ignore the problem and hope it goes away!

2 I can acknowledge the problem and let destiny take its course

3 I can accept it, do what needs to be done and move on with my life.

Being the incredibly brave person that I am, I have gone for option number 3, its part of growing up, its gonna happen, I have to face facts!

This is a decision I may come to regret.

I should mention that I did not plan on making this life changing decision today. A series of random events led me here. After returning from my run today I hit the shower. Upon discovering I ran out of shampoo, I was irritated, but I was heading into town anyway. This was just another thing to add to the list. I was then annoyed to discover that I had run out of hair gel. This may be because I have not had my haircut in a couple of months and it’s a bit longer, therefore using more shampoo and gel, or my flatmates are stealing it.

(well maybe not Richard, he doesn’t really need to)

So, irritated I added the two extra items to my shopping list and hit the town.

I headed into town, Annoyingly it started to rain, however there were a lot of women wearing white t-shirts and they were getting quite wet! It was Awesome!

I started my shopping but was startled to discover this!!!!

£3.42 for hair gel? Are you mental?? I can get 2 beers for that at happy hour!

So now it is with a heavy heart that I admit to you what it is I have done!

I have accepted my destiny, there is nothing I can do about it, its gonna happen, so it might as well happen with my consent.

When I awoke today at the crack of noon, I looked like this

And now

I look like this!!!

Oh dear God what have I done????????? I know my father will be laughing at me, years ago I died my hair blonde and he laughed then, (most people did tho) and I know he will be laughing now.

He was 24 when it happened to my Dad

Well at least im 27, that’s no so bad

I looked in the mirror as she shaved my hair

It fell to the floor, there wasn’t much there

So now it’s colder upon my head

I really wish I stayed in bed!

Will my hair ever grow back?

Sadly not on top, only on my crack!

Has anyone got a spare hat?

Andy G



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