Monday, 29 March 2010

Blog Every Day For A Month

Hows it goin?

I have decided to challenge myself. I discovered this website a couple of days ago and I have decided to participate. I am hoping this will keep me busy and serve as a distraction from my ever increasing financial difficulties which are causing me a great deal of stress.
The premise is quite simple. I will blog every day for a month. The month of April. I am curious to see what I am able to come up with. So every day, at the crack of noon through the month of April 2010, something will be posted on this blog. And it won't just be crap. I will try and come up with something interesting every day.
There is a lot happening in April,
The return of Doctor Who
The return of Stargate Universe
The return of Ashes to Ashes.
I realise thats just TV, but that's something to write about at least.
I'm also going to Edinburgh for a couple of days at the end of April for filming, so I might drop in on my old friends from Tapas Towers.
So, that being said, is there anything in particular you would like me to write about?
I am open to anything. I am probably going to struggle to come up with something for every day, so if you have something you would like me to talk about then let me know. I will tackle any subject.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you don't subscribe then you shall be fed to the sharks, and not just any sharks, the sharks with laser beams on their heads. 

Saturday, 27 March 2010

ID please

Hows it goin?

I went to the student union last night. It's my first time in the union since becoming a student again, it hasn't changed much.
However I did notice a slight change in the entry requirements. I approached the desk and showed them my student card and walked off, but they called me back. They asked me for id to prove I was over 18.
I stared at them blankly, they stared back.
"Are you serious?" I asked
"Yes it's the law." The woman behind the desk said.

Now dear reader, I ask you, does this look like a face that's under 18?

I think this person was taking the job a bit too seriously!

Here's a song about drinking

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and click here.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will make a sculpture of you made from marshmallows.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Friendly Friday: Richard P

Hows it goin?
As I previously mentioned I plan on mentioning one of my friends every friday until I run out of friends, or fridays.
Whatever comes first.
Today its Richard P.

I found the above description on urban, other than the hairy man bit I think it describes him perfectly.

Richard and I met many years ago when I first started at Vincents, he left a couple of weeks after I started, presumably because he hated working with me. But a desperate need for cash brought him back to the company where he ran the club below the restaurant. And there we both stayed for a while. Which was good, the banter was always in full swing and in our minds we were the mafia of that establishment.
Richard sadly left the club to run away to Edinburgh to fulfill his dream of running a coffee shop. Which he did admirably.
He was also lucky enough to share a flat with myself, Adam and Jonny Torpedo for most of 2009. I'm sure he looks back on those days with fond memories.
He served his last cafe latte about a year ago and now patrols the streets of Edinburgh as a policeman.

A Poem For Richard P

Richard is tall and not very hairy,
he slept across the hall and
is sometimes quite scary.
Now he's gone and joined the force,
an action which I fully endorse.
So when I get done for committing a crime,
he can help me get away in time.
I doubt that's true, I'm the guy he'd love to arrest
he'd beat me with his shoe, until I confessed.

I did a search on funny or for Richard P to see if anything interesting would appear. This is what I found.
It has nothing to do with Richard but I thought it was awesome and deserved to be included.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you don't subscribe then you will be bitten by a radio active monkey

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Andy Graham is a Dick Head

Hows it goin?

Yesterday I went to visit the staff at Mother Tuckerz. I spoke to the very lovely owner Sue, I think she might have a crush on me.

I asked if she will continue to donate funds to the college and she says she won't until the situation is resolved. s
I'd like to think it now is.

After the abuse I have become a victim of, I went to ask Sue what she thought of this situation and more importantly why she didn't get back in touch with me. She said she is a very busy woman, a single mum and doesn't have time. That's fair enough. I would have liked a email to say they are looking into the situation but she said she doesn't have a computer.

After a lively discussion things did turn slightly nasty, she said she is going to start a campaign against me, I am unsure how this will work and what exactly she is campaigning against.
At one point she did ask me what I wanted to be when I "grew up." I found this odd as I am a slightly over weight, bearded and balding 27 year old man.

Near the end of our discussion some customers entered and a couple of them knew about the letters I had sent.

This led to these young guys, who I can only describe as slightly chav, giving me some abuse. One of them who is clearly a comedy genius called me a "speccy git."
At this point I did ask if they knew who the people were, who were calling me ugly and if they could send me a picture of them.
I feel that is only fair.
One of the Chav customers asked if I had bluetooth as he could send me a picture of one of them.
I said yes and he seemed shocked,
"You mean you have an up to date phone?" he said with shock in his voice.
"Yes I do, much like yourself I measure my manhood by the phone I have." I replied sarcastically.
He then looked confused. I told him he might understand when he grows up a bit.

I gave Sue a print out of all the abusive comments I received and she claims she will frame them and place them on Mother Tuckerz wall. I sincerely hope she was not joking.
On top of this accolade, she told me she is going to start a special offer.
Any time someone goes to Mother Tuckerz and says,
"Andy Graham is a Dick Head!"
they will receive a free sandwich.
I suspect they might change the offer if enough people go in and ask, but I would like to think they will give you something for free.

So my friends, it is time I give something back to you, as a loyal follower of this blog I urge you to go to Mother Tuckerz on George Street, Aberdeen. And before you order say, 
"Andy Graham is a Dick Head!" and hopefully you will get something for nothing.
If anyone who does this would like to film it, I will put the video on the blog page.
Best of luck to you all, I wish Mother Tuckerz all the best and I hope they honour the offer that Sue mentioned.
Now dear friend, dear lovely reader, I realise that you love me, and I can't blame you for that. 
I know what you're thinking, you're thinking there's NO WAY you can go to Mother Tuckers and call me a "Dickhead" well don't worry, I won't make you do that. I have developed a way that does it for you.
I have created my own clothing line!
I have created over 73 different products that say Andy Graham is a Dickhead
all for sale at a reasonable price.
So if you want to buy one of these wonderful products then simply go to

Please do go and buy something then wear it on your visit to Mother Tuckerz. I'm sure they will get a kick out of it and you might get something better than a free sandwich.

It seems at the moment I have too many mother tuckers tuckin with my shit

As always if you can't see the video above the stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do go to Mother Tuckers then make sure you check the sell by date.

Monday, 22 March 2010

Some more Abuse from Mother Tuckerz

Hows it goin?

Yesterday I wrote about the comments regarding my Mother Tuckers letters. Late last night I received some more abuse from some people who I suspect are the staff.

Anonymous writes

Okay it's 2.20am and my mate's Fiona and Terry and Colin and Andrew and the list goes on and on and on have just text me to say some di*k head was saying Mother Tz was sh*t. Not sure who you are or what you smell like but guess what I think my dog plopped you out on the grass today and I had to pick you up and put you in the bin. Your colour is BROWN!!! Mother Tz is really, really good and the food is the best on George street.

(I'm little happy just now) Anyway getting back... give your tast buds the old mouthwash treatment as you must also be blind. I promise all who read this the food is honestly the best and everytime we aLL GO IN EVERYONE BEHIND THE COUNTER IS VERY NICE AND POLITE...Yeh for sure! 

I hope this Brown colour of dog poo wises up and gets a brain and a face lift because god dam is he way ugly. Thank god you are not the only guy in the world....we would all be single or lesbos. NITE ALLXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Now if I might respond to anonymous' comments.

First of all let me congratulate you on a very well constructed comment, your wit clearly has no bounds. (sarcasm warning)

I am a tad confused by this section.
"Anyway getting back... give your tast buds the old mouthwash treatment as you must also be blind"

How has anything I have ever said make you think I am blind?
How would having mouthwash treatment cure me of my apparent blindness?
How are these two conditions even related?
I am not a doctor but I don't think there is a connection between the taste buds and eyesight. 
I might be wrong, like I said I'm not a doctor.
I would disagree that the food is the best, but that's just my opinion. I am sure the staff are all very nice and polite, I have never questioned the politeness or character of any of the staff of Mother Tuckerz. I have only questioned the apparent lack of product knowledge of the counter staff and the lack of professionalism of the manager/owner for selling out of date products, not responding to either of my letters and for sharing my letter of complaint with staff and customers.

I hope this Brown colour of dog poo wises up and gets a brain and a face lift because god dam is he way ugly. 

Again let me congratulate you on a well constructed insult. I don't think I have ever been called a "Brown colour of dog poo." 
In fact I don't think anyone has ever. 
Please don't take offence to this as I genuinely am curious, but are you someone with learning difficulties? 
Or any you only 10? 
The insults you throw at me do have a somewhat childlike quality about them.

I should let you know that I do actually have a brain, admittedly I don't use it for much but it does exist, I assure you. 

Perhaps you are mistaking me for the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. I did play this character in the 1993 production of The Wizard of Oz at Forehill Primary school. I am told I did very well. Which came as no surprise, I am awesome!

I would like to say there is no need to attack me at a personal level claiming that I am "way ugly." 
I think this is completely uncalled for.
Are you a looker yourself? 
As I said to the other Anonymous defender of Mother Tuckerz, I would like to see a photo. 
Even then I would not call you ugly, fortunately I am intelligent enough to judge a person by there actions and the content of there character, not by what they look like. Maybe one day you will be that evolved too.

I have noticed in these abusive attacks that no one has yet offered me an explanation as to why no one at Mother Tuckerz has replied to me and all people have done is hurl insults at me which have no basis in fact. I suspect these insults, originate from the minds of children who have no appropriate response to my genuine concerns regarding the business practices of Mother Tuckerz. I find this quite a depressing state of affairs. 

Mother Tuckerz cannot defend itself properly so they attack me on a personal level. I never attacked any of the staff personally, I simply stated the facts of my visit and expressed my concerns regarding the staff's product knowledge and the sale of out of date produce. 

Thank god you are not the only guy in the world....we would all be single or lesbos. NITE ALLXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Even if I was the last guy in the world what makes you think you would have a chance with me???
Given your attitude, and apparent lack of intelligence, I really don't think I would be up for it. Which in many ways is your loss. Cos let me tell you, I am a hell of a catch! I'm very funny, very friendly, very generous, I'm great fun at party's, and I am a fantastic dancer. And I'm very good in bed. Well I always have a good time, and that's what counts. 
And even if a women was a lesbian that doesn't mean she wouldn't be interested in me. My friend Wendy is gay and she once kissed me on the lips. In fact if I remember correctly she did it twice!

Another comment from someone who has been brave enough to share her name.

Emma here, Lets not say anything more on this guy's Comment page. All he wants is MORE FRIENDS!! Mother Tuckerz is a very nice place to eat and I know the Manager Gives about £1000 a year to the Collage Students funds!!.

She also told me she would not be giving anymore donations. So we have this ANDY Graham to blame for this. Thank you FOR NOTHING ANDY GRAHAM 

I am unsure how you giving me abuse on my page will somehow result in me getting "MORE FRIENDS!!" If anything, the result will be the opposite, my friends will see what a miserable, moaning bastard I am and stop hanging around with me.

I do not know if the manager does give money to the student funds. How has this been done in the past? I very much doubt this to be true. I may be wrong, but I think it is unlikely that a sandwich shop manager donates £1000 a year to students.  Unless, is the £1000 money earned from the sale of out of date products? 
Have you entangled Aberdeen College in some kind of money laundering scheme? 
Oh dear god, are you in the mafia? 

If in the unlikely event you are telling the truth and the manager is no longer going to donate funds I would like to ask why? This seems a somewhat childish move on his/her part.
I am very keen to meet the manager in person and discuss our differences. If you are a friend of him/her please pass on my regards and ask if he/she would up for a meeting.

Also I think you meant to say, "College student funds." 
With an "e."
Unless "Collage student funds" is some kind of cool new art project. If that is the case do you have any details as I would love to be involved? I do enjoy a good collage, and apparently it's really easy.

If you can't see the video above the stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will make a collage all about you.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

A comment from a Mother Tuckerz customer.

Hows it goin?
Regular readers will know I recently wrote a letter to Mother Tuckerz sandwich shop in Aberdeen.
The reason for this was they sold myself and 3 of my classmates out of date products without any warning. Also the sandwich they sold me was incredibly mediocre and the staff didn't seem to know what anything was.
I was very disappointed when they did not reply, so much so I even wrote them another letter
This has also gone unanswered, on the plus side it has taken up 2 envelopes in the 50 envelope challenge.
Mother Tuckerz have chosen to ignore my correspondence, which I feel only adds to the complete lack of professionalism that they adhere to. 
However, on Saturday night I received an e-mail saying that someone has left a comment on my blog, the comment was in relation to the letter I sent to Mother Tuckers. 

Anonymous writes,

Hi i am a mature student at aberdeen college, and have been going there for two years now. We started eating in Mother Tuckerz in January. We were in the shop, actually when you were in the shop that day. We bought the out of date crisps, THAT raised 13 pounds for charity. I also dont like the attitude towards the new girls that started at Mother Tuckerz. Its not fair to have that attitude towards them. I think you are out of order. Why do people like you have to constantly pick at things? You are one of these complainers that have no life, and nothing better to do with your time than make slanderous comments about restaurants. Also using the word 'retard'is extremely offensive. You really are a sad individual that needs to get a life. Those letters that you sent, are on view to all the regular customers. All the customers that i am aware of think the letters are disgraceful. Mother Tuckerz will always have mine, and my 30 odd friends support, Dana, Sue and Sharon are amazing members of staff at Tuckerz. They would go out of their way to help anyone, besides the food is amazing, great value and service. Far better than baguette express, and dublin daves. So i suggest that you shut it, and get back to your sad little life. If any of you staff at Tuckerz are reading this, i want to let you know that you guys all have our support and not to worry about sad individuals like him. 

If I might reply to this anonymous defender of Mother Tuckerz.

FIrst of all, I would like to say that you are dead WRONG! 

You said,

"You are one of these complainers that have no life, and nothing better to do with your time than make slanderous comments about restaurants."

Where it is true that I have no life. 

I should tell you that I DO have much better things to do with my time, I just rarely do them. 

Also I do not only make slanderous comments about restaurants, I quite often send letters to people who I think are awesome.
I wrote a very complimentary letter to The Manzil Restaurant, Nurofen and RED BULL.

Also, my statements were not slanderous, 

The definition of slander is:

1. Law Oral communication of false statements injurious to a person's reputation.
2. A false and malicious statement or report about someone.

My statements were NOT FALSE!!

I was sold out of date crisps and an incredibly mediocre sandwich.

It is in fact YOU that is making slanderous statements about me! By claiming I have a "Sad little life" and I have "nothing better to do with my time than make slanderous comments about restaurants." 

I am considering claiming defamation. And I know quite a bit about defamation, for proof CLICK HERE!

Can I ask what it is you are studying? 
I assume it is not Law. 

You say in your comment that you were in the shop at the same time as me. I don't think you were, the only people in the shop at the time were myself and my classmates and they all share my shock at this lack of professionalism. A gentleman in a shirt and tie arrived shortly before we left, perhaps that was you, but your letter said "WE" I can only assume that you are lying or perhaps you are in fact the man in the shirt and tie, and you have multiple personalities.

The only other people in the shop were the staff and I suspect you may in fact be one of them. 
Are you Dana, Sue or Sharon? 
Come on be honest!

You also say that you bought the out of date crisps and that raised £13 for charity.
How many packets did you buy?
£13 worth of crisps is a bit excessive isn't it?
Tell me, are you one of Aberdeen's larger citizens? 
If you are buying that many crisps in one go I might suggest having the odd apple and maybe going for a run sometime.
Just a suggestion. I'm not having a go, I have nothing against fat people. 

I am still unsure as to how buying out of date crisps raises money for charity, there was no sign advertising this fact. Either that the crisps were out of date or they were for charity. Even if they were sign posted, (which they were not) it would still make it spectacularly illegal to sell them. I am not against raising money for charity, I would just prefer to make a donation rather than risk my health.

My attitude towards the staff may be seen as out of order, but I was more disappointed with the apparent lack of product knowledge. I was unaware that they were new staff (if this is true) and perhaps they were not given the proper training. I have nothing against the staff of Mother Tuckerz, I'm sure they are all lovely people. I pointed out the lack of product knowledge in my letter as this is something that should be brought to the managers attention. When I was a restaurant manager if someone was not performing well, I would like to be told about it. How else are you going to help the  member of staff improve.
My attitude is however a direct response to the complete lack of respect for the customer by not responding to my first letter. 

The word retard is indeed quite offensive, hence the reason I used it.

In your comment you ask,

"Why do people like you constantly have to pick at things?" 

I don't think I am one of those people, I don't pick at every little thing, far from it. 
You should see my flat, it's a fucking tip! 
I think that perhaps my many years in the restaurant industry has given me something of a critical eye. Anytime I am in a restaurant or bar I have a tendency to notice the little things, like when somewhere is short staffed, or when the staff are stressed out, or WHEN THE FUCKING FOOD IS OUT OF DATE!!

I can only assume that you are the same person who wrote the following comment on my Red Bull Letter,

"ANDY G IS SOOOOOO UGLY AND NEEDS TO LOOSE at least 7st in weight!!!!"

Now I will admit, I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but who are you to call me ugly? 
Are you a looker yourself? 
I would like to see a photo. 

And loose? 
I suspect you meant lose. 
Where you are right in the fact that I could do with losing a few pounds. I think 7st is a bit extreme, my current weight is 12.5 st, If I lost 7st that would put me at 5.5st! 
That's definitely not very healthy for a man of my height.
I will take your opinion on board tho and I will increase my exercise schedule. 
I must applaud your insult by the way. It was very witty, intelligent and precise.
Warning the previous sentence may have been sarcasm.
I am told that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, used by only the truly stupid, hence the reason I used it on you, I thought you would appreciate something at your own level.

In your comment you say that I should go and get a life, I suggest that it is YOU who needs to get a life. You are the one who spent Saturday night reading my letters to Mother Tuckers while I was out with some of my 27 odd friends. (I know I don't have as many as you, please don't make fun of me for that.) It is you who has nothing better to do than sit around on a Saturday night and insult me over the internet. Now that's really sad.
If you would like to meet up in person to exchange insults I would be more than willing.

You said in your comment that, 
"All the customers that i am aware of think the letters are disgraceful."

Why are customers reading a letter of complaint? Surely this screams a lack of professionalism. The chances of someone stumbling on my little blog by chance and reading my Mother Tuckers letters are very, very small indeed. So this leads me to the conclusion that the majority of the staff at Mother Tuckerz have read the letters I wrote and shared the contents with friends. 
Come on! 
If the Manager or owner is reading this, come on! What are you doing you muppet! Have you ever run a business before? 
You're appear to be showing off a letter of complaint? 
Is that a good idea?

My letter to Mother Tuckers was sent because I wanted an explanation for selling me out of date products. I suspect that you are a member of staff, or at least friends of the staff. I am very disappointed that this situation was not handled like mature adults. If the owner or manager of Mother Tuckerz is reading this, maybe think about that. You're meant to be a responsible business owner, instead you're acting like a chav with a sandwich shop. Maybe that's what you are. 

I might be wrong, perhaps the owner simply hasn't gotten back to me yet and this is a faithful customer defending the honour of Mother Tuckerz.

But I doubt it.

Here's another song about sandwiches.

As always if you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on Facebook and Click Here.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will take you to Dublin Daves which I am told is an excellent sandwich emporium. 

Monday, 15 March 2010

The Second Mother Tuckers Letter (A.K.A. envelope 17 of 50)

Hows it goin?
I was very disappointed in the lack of response from Mother Tuckers, so much so that I wrote them a SECOND letter, to which they have still not replied.

Dear Mother Tuckers,

Good day. It’s Andy here, the guy who wrote you the letter about the out of date crisps. I hope this letter finds you well and that you have now learned the difference between pastrami and salami.

It is with great regret that I find myself writing to you, AGAIN!

I have not been good enough to grace your wonderfully named shop with my presence since “the out of date crisp incident.” So don’t worry I’m not writing to complain about another sandwich.

I am writing to express my extreme disappointment that you have not replied to my letter.

Why is this?

I have formulated several theories:

Perhaps you are not taking this situation seriously?
You really should!
I do not believe the selling of mediocre sandwich’s and out of date crisps should be taken lightly.

Perhaps you are all illiterate?
This would explain the lack of response; perhaps right now my original letter is up on your fridge being gazed upon as if it is some wonderful piece of art.

Perhaps the letter got lost in the post?
This is unlikely but possible, I don’t think anything ever really gets lost in the post, I think that’s just code for “couldn’t be arsed reading your mail.”

Perhaps you have been shut down?
Have trading standards been after you? It wasn’t anything to do with me. 

Please do not take offence to any of my correspondence. I was simply very disappointed in my whole “Mother Tuckers” experience. 

I have been in your position, so I know how you feel.

For the past several years I have been working as a restaurant manager in restaurants all over the world. So believe me when I say I know how much of a pain in the arse the public are.

But if I ever found out that my restaurant was selling out of date produce I would rectify the situation immediately, by any means possible. And I would make sure that any and all customers affected by this were contacted and apologies offered. I realise that a small sandwich shop in Aberdeen is not the same as a busy restaurant but surely the standards must still be the same.

And as I said before, isn’t it spectacularly illegal to sell out of date products?

I must advise you that I KNOW you have read my original letter, a friend of mine was recently in your shop and over heard a member of your staff discussing it with a customer. This is hardly professional behavior. Why would a staff member discuss a letter of complaint with a customer?

That strikes me as a little bit retarded.

As I said before, please do not take any offence to the comments I have raised in this, or my previous, letter. (Well, maybe the retarded thing, but I can’t say much, I’m not the brightest star in the heavens, that’s why I work in a restaurant and not at Nasa.)

I would like to give you a chance to explain yourselves for this shocking behaviour, both regarding the original incident and the lack of response.  My blog gets read by people all over the world and this could be your chance to get some very good publicity. I could even make an appearance at your shop and get a photographer along.

I should let you know this letter is one of a series of letters I am writing as part of my 50 Envelope Challenge. (See my blog for details.) I am hoping one day to compile every letter and put them in a book. I would like for this small chapter to have a happy ending, but I guess that’s down to you.

I recently discussed this issue with my classmates and they have all agreed to boycott your establishment until a response is issued by yourselves.

I hope to hear back from you soon.

Kind Regards

Andy Graham

Here's another song about sandwiches. 

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and click here

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will be given a complimentary bag of magic beans.


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