Friday, 28 August 2009

That's show biz!

This is colin singing a song
He thinks he's good but he is wrong!
He sings his heart out,
Down the microphone
But as I listen to him shout
This song he does own!
He's actually quite good
And he is a cool dude
So I wrote him this poem!
For welcoming me home!

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

My new flat mate is a BITCH!!

Hi how the hell r ya?
Well its now more than half way through August and I am officially knackered! Been working loads and moving house so very little free time to relax. Work is busy everyday. Who would have thought so many people would come to Edinburgh to eat tapas! I have previously mentioned I will occasionally change names to protect peoples privacy. I will also do this with the places that are good enough to employ me. So lets call my restaurant Tapas Towers.
The Tapas Towers is getting busier every day this month. Its strange to think I have less than 2 weeks left. There's a staff night out this sunday, so I am sure I will get drunk and embarrass myself enough so all the staff have find memories of me.
I have now moved in with my good friend Ian. He has been good enough to put me up for a few days while I finish up work at the Tapas Towers. I did not want to leave them in the shit during August and its good money which I really need. Ian is a legend for letting me stay. Im gonna be here for 10 days. There is one problem however. Ian does not live alone. He lives with someone else. A Girl. I have only met her once before and we did not exactly hit it off. She practically ignored me! I'm not one to bad mouth people but she really is just an attention seeking little bitch. I am sorry to moan but she is! Her name is Daisy, (seriously, thats her real name. Unless you are a cartoon princess there is no excuse for that). The first time I met her was about a week ago. She only started living with Ian about a month ago and since I have been working so much I haven't had a chance to get out much. Anyway it was a beautiful day and we were out in Ian's garden, and Daisy would not leave Ian alone, I tried talking to her and she practically ignored me. In fact now that I think about it I don't think she said one word to me. I think I may have somehow insulted her, although I don't know how. She seems to crave attention when ever she can. She has a real attitude and I am sorry to repeat myself but she is a bitch! When I got home tonight after work it was after midnight. I was completely knackered and she wanted me to take her out! WHAT THE HELL??? I have been on the go all day and she wants me to take her out??? I suggested she go herself but she just looked out the window and whined. Also I am a tad concerned about her personal hygiene. I saw her eating her lunch today and she spilt some food on herself, I don't think she knew I was watching, but she licked it off herself. I don't mean right away, This was about 20 minutes later. She licked the food off herself, like an animal! And you know something else, She is hairy, and I mean properly hairy. Now I have hairy arms, but this girl has me beat by a long way. As you know I am a tad concerned about going bald. I don't think this girl will ever have this problem. I was initially slightly wary about having this rant about my new flat mate but I am fairly certain she cannot read, never mind use a computer. I don't really have a problem with her, but she seems to dislike me. Perhaps it will just take a few days to win her over.

I'm sorry to whinge,
I'm sorry to rant.
I want go on a binge
but sadly I can't.
I've got to work 8 hours,
in the tapas towers.
serving food to the mass's,
as they sit on there fat ass's.
My new flat mate is hairy.
and she is a bitch!
she's also kind of scary,
could she be a witch?
Will be friends?
It's kind of hazy.
I guess it depends,
on little Miss Daisy.
Maybe its me,
Maybe I'm a dick!
Would you like to see,
her most recent pic?

Ian also lives with his fiancée Kat who is ace, and an absolute star for letting a drunken slob like me stay in her house. Although Daisy the puppy and I have only just met, I am sure in a couple of days we will be firm friends.

Until next time

Have a nice!

Andy G

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Can you draw?

Hi how r ya?
Can you draw? are you bored? do you fancy doing some drawings for me?
I am looking for someone to do some illustrations for my upcoming blog entries. Sadly I have no artistic talent what so ever. I struggle to draw stick men. I can't pay you as I am a poor student but I will of course give you full credit when ever your drawings are used and will provide a link to your webpage if you have one. I also promise to buy you a drink every time I see you for as long as we both shall live! If one day I become a famous film maker then this blog could be read by millions of people and they could be looking at your illustrations! Think about that! Although the chances are they will just be seen by the 7 people who actually read all this shite!
Anyway If you have any artistic talent and are interested in doing some drawings for me then please get in touch. I will be very grateful, and I will buy you a drink next time we meet. or send me a facebook message or call/text me.

By the way, if your reading this on the actual blog page as opposed to facebook, you may notice there is now an Amazon banner at the top. Yes I have become a sell out! If you ever need to buy anything from Amazon can you please get there via this site.
If you do this then I will get a wee bit o money. If you buy something I will also get a wee bit o money, it doesn't cost you anything and it will be a valuable contribution to the very worthy charity The A.B.F. (Andy Beer Fund).

Are you good at illustration?
Sadly I am not.
I am suffering from frustration,
so I'm turning to you lot.
It will be on my web site,
where your pictures will be shown.
help me with my plight?
I won't say they are my own.
So can you draw?
Will you help me please?
But as you saw,
I can't pay you any fee's.
You won't get any money,
But you'll get a free drink.
Especially if there funny,
and I'll give you a link.

until next time
Have a Nice

Andy G

Monday, 10 August 2009

Moving Day Part 1

Hi how r ya?

I've just spent sunday monday moving most my stuff up to Aberdeen. I'd like to offer a massive thank you to Adam & Ian for all there help. They helped me load and unload the van and I could not have moved my stuff up north without them. You are both Truly Awesome!

The drive to aberdeen was a good laf and the banter was in full swing.

Adam gave a very passionate speech about how there will be no bananas within 15 years because of "some disease thats comin." I googled banana disease and here's an article I found. I thought the first sentence was talking about me! We then had a rather lengthy debate regarding the populations sizes of various scottish cities. It sounds dull but it was very entertaining if you were in the van.
After dumpin all my stuff at my folks place we headed over to the new flat to sign the lease. My landlady has decided to put down new carpet and paint the walls before I move in. I told her not to because I will just make a mess of it within a week but she insisted. This is why all my stuff is at my parents. I was quite pissed off about this, the point in moving my stuff up early was to get everything organised before college starts, now its just more work to ferry it all over from my folks place. She was just trying to be nice I suppose. Still a fucken pain tho!

So after the paper work was done the boys and I celebrated with a couple of magners and headed into town. Was good laf, met up with Dave and Kev. I felt quite bad as it was Daves birthday and I completely forgot. I bought him a couple o shots and he seemed pleased with that. Drunkard that he is!
Went to exodus but we were the only people there and since Adam was quite drunk he insisted on goin somewhere "To party!" When he does this its never a good sign. We headed to espionage, which was equally as dead, it picked up after a while tho. It was there I made a discovery. My mate Ian is the greatest Dancer in the world!

But Ian OWNED that dance floor. I am impressed. It appears my friend Ian has hidden depths. I also recently discovered he is something of a rebel. He will not only break the rules, he will take the rules smash them into tiny little pieces, grind then up into a fine paste and bake them into a cake!
He laughs in the face of authority. This photo will give you an idea of the kind of NUT JOB Ian really is.........

After bustin a few moves we headed to the casino where I stupidly gambled away 40 quid. Just doin my bit to keep my boss happy (the owner of the restaurant I work in also owns the casino)
After leavin the casino around 3 ish we did what any sensible person would do at that time.
Go to the all night baker.
Adam said he was starvin so he ordered 3 steak pies! 3!! you fat bastard! He sat outside and munched on them while I waited for my pie and chips. Just as I was gettin my order Adam came stumbling in and bought a sausage roll and a toasted ham and cheese croissant. He just kept saying "I'm hungry, I'm hungry!" The next day we all woke up a feeling a bit rough. I was a bit unsure about driving the van as I'm fairly certain if I got stopped I would be over the limit so I drove very sensibly the whole way. For entertainment on the way back to Edinburgh we played eye spy. Ian is truly awful at this game, I don't think he got any of them.

After getting back to Edinburgh Adam and I went to see GI Joe, Its Alright. A bit predictable at times but still worth seeing. After the movie I had to return the van. I spotted this traffic sign on the way out which I thought was ace,

they must have known I was coming!

Thats all for now.
but before I go

A poem for Adam & Ian

To my Good friends Ian and Adam Poole,
You guys are both, really cool.
Thanks for helping me, move all my possessions,
Ian can you give me, some dancing lessons?
Ian's an awesome dancer, but he can't play eye spy.
he never knew the answer, but he's still a cool guy.
Adam's leaving soon, to go back on the ship
I hope you enjoy, your 6 month trip.
He's away to try and sell some art,
to some rich, senile old fart.
But this old man, is actually quite smart,
with his cash, he will not part!
Yes Adam my friend, you will be missed.
I'll think of you, every time I'm pissed!

Until next time
Have a nice!
Andy G

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Freak or Unique?

im I've just realised something thats a little scary.
In 3 weeks i'll be a student!!
thats weird eh?
im movin all my stuff to the deen on sunday then its work work work, makin sure the flat is spick and span then movin to Ian's for a few days to see out the end of the festival.

So i've just finished my first weekend of festival and it was MENTAL MENTAL CHICKEN ORIENTAL!
Friday was ace. I woke up early and started the day with a red bull, I was walking to work in the sunshine, I was in a very good mood, I was listening to Lucky man by the Verve and I realised I am a lucky man. I'm about to move back to the deen, got my flat sorted. got a decent part time job sorted and im gettin to go and play with cameras and stuff for the next 2 years. Thats pretty cool.
As I walked to work, I was enjoying the fact it was sunny as this meant lots of women were walking around not wearing much, I was in a very good mood. A sudden sense of apprehension washed over me. Usually when I am in a good mood, something shit happens to ruin it. Just so the universe is in balance. When I am in a good mood you can bet something bad is gonna happen soon. But my good mood eventually over powered the negativity, I finished my Red bull and thought to myself.
"Fuck it. it s a beautiful day, lets go get thru the weekend and move your stuff out. Nothing is gonna piss you off today! In the immortal words of 5
bring it, bring it on, bring it on, bring it on YEAH!!!"

I got to work and was surprised to find it quiet. The whole lunch service was slow. I was running the upstairs section and I'm fairly certain this was designated the "freak or unique" section. All the customers were a bit odd. There was the Incredibly squint Man, he looked like a doodle. honestly he looked like a squiggly line. and he was odd. He demanded to move table because he said that everyone around him was being too loud and he couldn't hear himself think. Everyone around him heard this and promptly shut up but he still moved table.
Then there was the incredibly fat man! This guy was huge. he was so big that he ripped his trousers and I don't think he noticed. by his right pocket there was a big rip and his fat leg was bulging out. He was The Incredible BULK!!
Then there was the woman with the moustache! She said she wanted a peroni and i pointed out we only have spanish beers and then she tried to argue with me that she was already drinking peroni!! She was very strange. The two other women at her table seemed scared of her, possibly because of the moustache. I asked them if they would like another drink and they looked at her with a nervous look and she just shook her head. I think the other two women were possibly the moustached womens prison bitches or something!
After a while it became apparent lunch wasn't gonna be a busy one so we usually close the upstairs in order to set up for dinner. when the last table was paying there bill a new one appeared. apparently the didn't like the table they had down stairs and demanded to sit upstairs. so I had to stay up there and serve them on my own. I was quite annoyed as this was INCREDIBLY DULL!!
I wrote this poem to amuse myself.

Workin upstairs, and we're nearly done.
Lunch wasn't busy, but we had some fun.
I was saying goodbye to the people, and the banter was flowin.
Then a table appeared, just as everyone was goin.
They went to sit down, I thought there was a mistake
we're done up here, and I'm going for my break.
I hear the stairs rattle, and I turn to see,
is this someone coming, to relieve me?
sadly it's not!
im stuck with this lot!
And I'll be here till at least half past 3!

Saturday was more of the same, slow for lunch and then mental for dinner!
only got 3 saturdays left then I'm back to the Deen!
Also I have recently learned that most people I work with are reading all this shite!
ummmm hi, hope you enjoy. If your reading this at the front desk you better stop. remember Big T is watching! So go back to your section!!

Im still in two minds about the beard.

some people like it , others hate it. Here's what was said on facebook

21 hours ago · Delete
Grant Thomson
Grant Thomson
unless its ginger!
16 hours ago · Delete
Martin Bown
Martin Bown
Keep it.
14 hours ago · Delete
Richard Goodbrand
14 hours ago · Delete
Rachael Douglas
Rachael Douglas
stubble only
11 hours ago · Delete
Althea Campagnoli
Althea Campagnoli
i agree with douggy, stubble is sexy but a full beard...buuugggggg!
10 hours ago · Delete
Laura McCombie
Laura McCombie
stubble seems like a good compromise between it staying and going...
2 hours ago · Delete

Elspeth Munro grow a big handlebar moustache! i know that wasn't an option but it would look ace!!
all the ladies love a handle bar!

Adam Morrice
I say get rid.
Yesterday at 20:38 · Delete
Peter Garus
Peter Garus
dude you look like Topol. enough said!
Yesterday at 20:40 · Delete
Andy Graham
Andy Graham
is that a good thing?
Yesterday at 20:42 · Delete
Ilaria Littlewood
Ilaria Littlewood
Grow it as long as possible so you can plait it :D
Yesterday at 21:04 · Delete
Andy Graham
Andy Graham
that aint gonna happen
Yesterday at 21:05 · Delete
David Paterson
David Paterson
I think you have nailed the mature student/squatter look. Is that what your going for?
Yesterday at 21:09 · Delete
Andy Graham
Andy Graham
dunno but its better than the tramp look
Yesterday at 21:10 · Delete
Mark Cruickshank
Mark Cruickshank
keep it, its looking good... invest in a beard trimmer and keep it neat! :)
Yesterday at 21:16 · Delete
Andy Graham
Andy Graham
is that a real thing?
Yesterday at 21:20 · Delete
Mark Cruickshank
Mark Cruickshank
yip... i just use my hair clippers to keep mine neat!
Yesterday at 21:22 · Delete
Luke Eaton
Luke Eaton
you look totally awesome. keep the beard, always wear the hat and always point at your face like that. chick magnet i guarantee
Yesterday at 21:46 · Delete
Andy Graham
Andy Graham
i do like this hat!
Yesterday at 21:48 · Delete
Luke Eaton
Luke Eaton
you look like a sexy rabbi
Yesterday at 21:53 · Delete
Andy Graham
Andy Graham
is that a compliment?
Yesterday at 22:00 · Delete
Luke Eaton
Luke Eaton
yeah... like the johnny depp of the orthodox jewish preisthood
Yesterday at 22:30 · Delete
wtsadfsdfsdfAndy Graham
Andy Graham
ummmmmmm thanks?
Yesterday at 22:46 · Delete

Ok i dont know how to get out of this blue box, so the rest of the blog will be in here!

I think i've reached a compromise
some people like the beard, others hate it. so I've done my best to please everyone....

Wot do ya think?

until next time
have a nice

Andy G


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