30 Day Challenge Day 19: A picture and a letter.

Hi

How's it goin?

A picture and a letter? Well regular readers should know I am pretty good at writing letters.  I have decided against a shameless plug for MY BOOK. Instead I have opted to give you a letter I wrote last August, to Lothian Buses. This was written whilst I was working at Tapas Towers for the festival in August 2010. Regular readers will remember this is not the first time I've had problems with a bus company.

Dear Lothian Buses,

Good day. I hope this letter finds you well and you are enjoying the Festival atmosphere in Edinburgh. I am sorry to say I am not writing just to say that.

I am highly annoyed with one of your drivers.
I am in Edinburgh working for the festival. I had just finished a 13 hour shift, during which time I only had time to eat half a sandwich, and not a very good sandwich either.
I finished work at 10:30pm and was starving. Knowing I didn't have any food in the house I opted for a Macdonalds. Not something I usually do but I was hungry and it is quick.


I did not want to sit in the restaurant at that time of night with all the drunkards, so I got my meal to take away so I could take it home and eat in some peace in front of the tv.

The number 22 bus to ocean terminal arrived at Princes Street stop opposite The Balmoral Hotel at 22:45. I boarded, but I was told by the driver I was not allowed on board with take away food.

Why?

I was not planning on eating on board the bus. I was clearly not intoxicated, or under the influence of any illegal substances. I had just had a very long day and wanted to go home and eat my crappy cheeseburger. I have taken food on board your bus's before and this has never been a problem.

Just yesterday when I took the bus home after another incredibly long day, the couple in the seat behind me had fish and chips, this did not bother me nor any of the other passengers.
I was told by your driver that take away food is not permitted. I asked how I was meant to get home, he said that I should enjoy my meal and get the next bus.

Enjoy my meal?

Where?


In the Bus stop?


With all the drunkards passing by?


What the hell?


Is this a joke of some kind?


This is ridiculous!


I offered to put my food in my backpack until I reached my destination, but the driver simply said no.

I am very angry at this.


All I wanted to do was get home after an incredibly long day and eat my crappy meal in peace, and your driver robbed me of that very simple pleasure.


When I boarded the next bus the guy in front of me was carrying a bag from Burger King.


WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?


Is this some form of prejudice just against Macdonalds?

I would like an explanation as to the behaviour of this driver?


Is this a policy that exists?


If so, why is it not enforced all the time?


The couple with Fish and Chips got to go home.


The guy with the Burger King got to go home.


But I did not.


I was forced to eat my meal in the very uncomfortable bus stop.


This is bang out of order!


And thats not a sentence I use lightly.

I am a frequent user of your buses and have sung your companies praises on more than one occasion. I am from Aberdeen and the bus service up in the Granite city is crap. Far more expensive and much less reliable. But they don't have a problem with you taking your dinner home.

I am extremely disappointed in your company and with this driver. I am seriously considering simply walking from now on.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this matter.

Kind Regards

Andy Graham
Irritated Traveller


__________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr Graham,

Thank you for your comments regarding the actions of the driver on the Service 22 on 13 August 2010.  

Firstly, may I apologise for the incident that you encountered. I was most concerned by the event you described and have investigated as fully as possible. There is official documentation on the drivers cab door that clearly states in both wording and signage that hot food and drinks are not permitted, however this notice is to try and deter passengers from bringing food and drink on to our vehicles. You are perfectly entitled to travel onboard our vehicles with food as long as it is in a bag and it is not consumed onboard the vehicle.

Unfortunately on this occasion the driver’s behaviour fell far below the standard that is acceptable from an employee of this Company, and for this I can only apologise. I have taken the necessary steps to ensure this does not happen again, and I will also ask our Driving Standards Officer to carry out checks in all aspects of his work. I can assure you that this Company trains staff to a high level and acts strongly against those members who fail to maintain the standard required. I trust that you will allow me to deal with this matter accordingly.

On behalf of Lothian Buses Plc, please again accept my sincere apologies for the lack of professionalism and for any embarrassment caused, and I am grateful that you have taken the time to bring this matter to our attention.

Yours sincerely

A. Person

Lothian Buses 0 - Andy G 1


Although I would have appreciated a free bus pass or something.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do subscribe then you will get a complimentary head massage.

The 51st letter!!

Hi 

How's it goin? 

As regular readers will know I recently released a book. Have you bought it yet? Why the hell not? What kind of friend are you? That book contains 50 letters, and various adventures surrounding those letters. A whole 30 pages of my book is focused on the abuse I received from customers of Mother Tuckerz. I thought it would only be fair to send them a free copy with a short letter.

Hi Mother Tuckerz,

How are you?

You look lovely.

Hope business is booming.

I see that Mother Tuckerz is no more and that you are now Candyshack. Hope that all goes well for you. I have not been in, but I walked past a few days ago and noticed the new colour scheme looks somewhat familiar. Have I seen that somewhere before?

Please find enclosed in this envelope a copy of my book, Fifty Envelopes. As per your request upon our last meeting, I have signed it Andy “The Dickhead” Graham. I hope you take the time to read it.  The letters I wrote to your shop are on pages 66 to 71. I would also highly recommend checking out pages 139 to 167. Those pages contain all the abuse I received from your loyal customers and my responses. I hope it gives you some indication as to the kind of people who frequent your business.

Apologies for not dropping in this book personally, but I am incredibly busy at the moment. I am sure you will think that I am not “man enough” to come into your shop, as you accused me of before, but the truth is I really am very busy at the moment. Plus I thought since my book is about 50 letters it would only be right to send you a letter with this book.

Many of your customers took great pleasure in calling me a “fat, ugly bastard.” (I’m paraphrasing)  They may be interested to know that in the past few weeks I have been working incredibly hard at a new job and entered into a new fitness regime, and I have lost over a stone. Now I’m just an ugly bastard!

Hope you like the book.

Keep it, one day that will be worth a fortune!

I remember from the last time we met you said you don’t have a computer, but if you do ever get one, then please feel free to drop me an e-mail with your thoughts on the book or just some more random abuse. I found it all very amusing.

Kisses

Andy G

Andy@randomandom.com

That letter along with a free copy of my book was posted over a month ago, I have yet to receive a response.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will receive a complimentary cup of tea. If you do not subscribe then you will receive a complimentary cup of anthrax. You have been warned.

I have written a book

Hi 

Hows it goin?

As regular readers will know I once set myself the challenge of writing 50 letters. I have now completed that challenge and I have compiled them all into one handy place.

My first book!

The book is called Fifty Envelopes and is available RIGHT NOW!

It's a proper book, with words and everything! I even put in a few pictures!

It contains all fifty letters which I have written over the course of a year plus any reply that was received. And chronicles some of the adventures surrounding them, including my trip to Blackpool for Paul & Sonya's wedding. And all the incidents involving the Amusingly named sandwich shop.

Obviously some of the letters have already appeared in the blog. But a hell of a lot of them haven't. Like the letter to the police.

The letter to a popular cereal company

The letter I sent to my potential future wife.

And the greatest R.S.V.P. ever sent for a wedding.

All this and more. I've put a lot of work into this. I think you'll like it. A massive thank you goes to Diana Leto who helped me design the cover and put in hours and hours of work in the formatting of the book.

Diana you are a legend.

Fifty Envelopes is 172 pages long and only costs £5.99 (plus postage and packaging), that's less than 4 pence a page!

The book is available for purchase online here!

You should go and buy it, cos its awesome. And I really need the money.

If you wrote a book I'd buy it. And that's a fact.

Once again my book is available HERE!

Click on that link and buy it. Do it now.

NOW!

Go on you know you want to.

Since some of the letters have already appeared on the blog already, I didn't see the point in giving you a sneak preview. But since I am a nice guy here is a look at the table of contents.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will receive a discount on my next book.

Dear New Owners of The QE2 (A.K.A envelope 18 of 50)

Hi

Hows it goin?

Here's the latest letter in my 50 envelope challenge. This letter was posted in January and I have yet to receive a response.

Dear Sir/Madam

I understand you have recently come into possession of the former Cruise Ship, QE2. Congratulations. I hope you got a good deal. I am a former crew member and I am writing to you with a suggestion which will no doubt make you a lot of money.

I am unsure of your plans for the ship. A friend told me it is being turned into a floating hotel. This sounds like a great idea, I would suggest go ahead with this, but why not preserve some aspects of the ship. You can take guests on a tour and see what life was like when it was a fully functioning cruise ship. Keep the engine room, kitchens, and crew cabins. I would suggest in particular my old cabin (542, on five deck aft)

I am sure you have heard of the infamous double act Adam & Andy from the QE2. Well I am THAT Andy. I would be more than happy to provide you with photo’s of our cabin so it could be precisely recreated. I even have a cardboard cut out of myself and Adam which I would be happy to sell to you for a modest fee.

Our cabin was one of the superior crew cabins on board. We spent many an hour in that cabin drinking, and entertaining our fellow crew members, and even the occasional lady. 

I think your future guests would get a real kick out of seeing the REAL story of how the crew survived working on what was essentially a floating old folks home.

Our cabin was one of the few which was ALWAYS stocked with beer, we also had a very impressive DVD collection. We were also lucky enough to have a porthole! It was a handy place to keep our box of breath mints to get rid of the post breakfast beer breath. We also kept the box of condoms on that shelf, (we called it the condomint shelf. Get it? Condom + mint= condemint) these were used when one of us was lucky enough to get a lady drunk enough to come to our cabin. 

Think of the possibilities. 

Every guest who goes on the tour could be given a free beer, a free breath mint, and a free condom. This would be a great little treat on the tour and you would be seen as a responsible hotel by supporting safe sex.

I look forward to receiving a response.

Kind Regards

Andy G

Former Crew Member

P.S. If the cabin door is locked don’t worry I still have the key.

Here's a video that shows what life on The QE2 was really like.

If you can't see the video above the stop reading this crap on Facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do not subscribe then I will haunt your dreams!

The Second Mother Tuckers Letter (A.K.A. envelope 17 of 50)

Hi

Hows it goin?

I was very disappointed in the lack of response from Mother Tuckers, so much so that I wrote them a SECOND letter, to which they have still not replied.

Dear Mother Tuckers,

Good day. It’s Andy here, the guy who wrote you the letter about the out of date crisps. I hope this letter finds you well and that you have now learned the difference between pastrami and salami.

It is with great regret that I find myself writing to you, AGAIN!

I have not been good enough to grace your wonderfully named shop with my presence since “the out of date crisp incident.” So don’t worry I’m not writing to complain about another sandwich.

I am writing to express my extreme disappointment that you have not replied to my letter.

Why is this?

I have formulated several theories:

Perhaps you are not taking this situation seriously?

You really should!

I do not believe the selling of mediocre sandwich’s and out of date crisps should be taken lightly.

Perhaps you are all illiterate?

This would explain the lack of response; perhaps right now my original letter is up on your fridge being gazed upon as if it is some wonderful piece of art.

Perhaps the letter got lost in the post?

This is unlikely but possible, I don’t think anything ever really gets lost in the post, I think that’s just code for “couldn’t be arsed reading your mail.”

Perhaps you have been shut down?

Have trading standards been after you? It wasn’t anything to do with me. 

Honest.

Please do not take offence to any of my correspondence. I was simply very disappointed in my whole “Mother Tuckers” experience. 

I have been in your position, so I know how you feel.

For the past several years I have been working as a restaurant manager in restaurants all over the world. So believe me when I say I know how much of a pain in the arse the public are.

But if I ever found out that my restaurant was selling out of date produce I would rectify the situation immediately, by any means possible. And I would make sure that any and all customers affected by this were contacted and apologies offered. I realise that a small sandwich shop in Aberdeen is not the same as a busy restaurant but surely the standards must still be the same.

And as I said before, isn’t it spectacularly illegal to sell out of date products?

I must advise you that I KNOW you have read my original letter, a friend of mine was recently in your shop and over heard a member of your staff discussing it with a customer. This is hardly professional behavior. Why would a staff member discuss a letter of complaint with a customer?

That strikes me as a little bit retarded.

As I said before, please do not take any offence to the comments I have raised in this, or my previous, letter. (Well, maybe the retarded thing, but I can’t say much, I’m not the brightest star in the heavens, that’s why I work in a restaurant and not at Nasa.)

I would like to give you a chance to explain yourselves for this shocking behaviour, both regarding the original incident and the lack of response.  My blog gets read by people all over the world and this could be your chance to get some very good publicity. I could even make an appearance at your shop and get a photographer along.

I should let you know this letter is one of a series of letters I am writing as part of my 50 Envelope Challenge. (See my blog for details.) I am hoping one day to compile every letter and put them in a book. I would like for this small chapter to have a happy ending, but I guess that’s down to you.

I recently discussed this issue with my classmates and they have all agreed to boycott your establishment until a response is issued by yourselves.

I hope to hear back from you soon.

Kind Regards

Andy Graham

Here's another song about sandwiches. 

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and click here

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will be given a complimentary bag of magic beans.

Dear Mother Tuckers (A.K.A. envelope 16 of 50)

Hi

Hows it goin?

Haven't put a letter online for a few weeks. 

Here is the latest entry into my 50 envelope challenge. This letter was posted on January 12th and I have yet to receive a reply.

Dear Mother Tuckers,

Good day. First of all let me congratulate you on a truly fantastic name for your sandwich shop. It’s brilliant. I am a firm believer that all good shops should be named after puns. It’s for this reason that I only buy fish & chips from a place called the Codfather.

I am a mature student at Aberdeen college, and 2 days ago I was introduced to your establishment by a classmate of mine. We were discussing where to go for a snack on our coffee break and someone said “Mother Tuckers.” I knew immediately I had to check this place out.

My friends and I entered your shop and studied the menu. I was quite peckish at the time so I opted for your meal deal, which included a Panini, a drink and a packet of crisps. All for £3! Not too shabby!

Sadly it is at this point the story takes a downward spiral. I ordered a roast beef panini with cheese and red onion. The young lady behind the counter had a slight look of panic. I saw her studying the various tubs of meats in front of her and I saw the look of complete bewilderment that adorned her face. She informed me there was no roast beef, she again had another look at the meats in front of her and said with a considerable amount of doubt in her voice,

“You could have a steakwich instead.“

I believe she was uncertain to the contents of this container, but took an educated guess that it was steakwich.


Unfortunately she made the mistake of showing me the tub which contained the said Steakwich.

Please excuse my language in this next sentence but I believe it is necessary in order to make my point.

It looked like shit.

Literally.

I politely declined and asked what else was on offer. She held up a plate of cold meats which looked appealing but she did not know what any of them were. I found this quite disturbing.

Is it not common practice to train staff in your establishment? I informed the two staff members present that they had a plate of what looked like pastrami and salami. I am not an expert in such things but I was fairly certain. I asked for a pastrami and salami panini with cheese and red onion and my order was then created. While I was waiting for my sandwich another customer entered. He ordered a salami sandwich and the young lady behind the counter once again seemed to be quite confused and claiming not to know what salami was.

I found this very odd as I pointed it out to both of them less than 45 seconds previously.

My panini arrived, I paid my £3 and myself and my classmates went on our merry way. I must say the Panini was overwhelmingly average. 

At best.

This sentiment was shared by the whole group.

I was hungry so I ate it anyway. We arrived back at the college building, took a seat in the common area, and finished off our sandwiches. We then had a lengthy discussion about crisps, none of us had ever heard of TAYTO crisps. I like to consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur of junk food., I have eaten countless varieties of crisps all over the world. Hence the reason I am such a fat bugger! But even I, had never heard of Tayto. I am however open to trying new things and expanding my horizons. I feel that’s the only way we can ever grow as a society and as human beings. I was about to open my packet of ready salted Tayto Crisps, my mouth already salivating with anticipation of this new and exciting rollercoaster ride I was about to allow my taste buds upon, when I noticed something.

Something Odd.

Look at the best before date!!!

WHAT THE HELL?

You are selling crisps that are out of date. 

And not just a little out of date.

BUT A MONTH OUT OF DATE!!!

Either that or they will not go out of date until 2109!

And no offence to Tayto crisps, but I am fairly certain they have not developed that level of crisp freshness technology.

I thought it may have just been a one off, maybe it was just my packet, but I checked with my class mates and all 5 of us had been sold packets of out of date crisps!

I am not a lawyer but isn’t that spectacularly illegal?

You could have killed one of us!

Ok, maybe that is a tad extreme. It is unlikely that any of us would actually die. 

BUT, you could have quite easily made one of us very ill.

What’s that all about?

I am incredibly disappointed, such a great name for a business but such a letdown when it comes to delivering! (I mean delivering in terms of service and standards, not as in a delivery service.)

I for one will most certainly not be returning to your establishment and neither will any of my class. I am a member of the student council and I am strongly considering issuing a health warning regarding your establishment. I should inform you I plan on reprinting this letter on my blog, (www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com).

If you can offer a reasonable explanation then I will of course put that information online also.

I have worked as a restaurant manager for many years in Aberdeen and all over the world, and I would never, ever allow my standards to slip as low as I have experienced as a customer in your establishment.

I would very much like to hear back from you with your thoughts on the matters I have raised, either through a letter from yourself or if you wish, please feel free to email me.

Kind Regards

Andy Graham

(Annoyed customer)

Here's a song about sandwiches, sadly this was the exact opposite of my reaction to my visit to Mother Tuckers.





If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.


Thats All For Now


Until Next Time


Have A Nice


Andy G


If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."


If you do not subscribe to The Blog Of Andy G then you will be force fed a sandwich from Mother Tuckers, and no one wants that!