Monday, 18 October 2010

Welcome to Campa World!


How's it goin? 

It's been a few weeks now since I moved in with Althea & Ivano, and so far its going pretty good. It's a bit of a pain living further away from town, but the money I'll save should make it worth the sacrifice. 
In some ways it's like living with your parents again, except Althea & Ivano actually like me, and they are not entirely filled with disappointment when they look at me. 
Althea cleans a lot, Ivano cooks a lot, I make a mess and eat. It's a perfect arrangement. Althea is also a great believer in the five second rule.

She dropped an eclair on the kitchen floor and then ate it. She said,
"It's ok, it's only got a couple of hairs on it."

If you look very closely at the left edge of the eclair, you can still see a hair. I am fairly certain she ate that hair!

I have never really met any of my neighbours before in the various flats I've lived in over the years. I did get to know my neighbour when I first moved back to Aberdeen, but as regular readers will be aware, he sadly died. Since moving to Campa World I have said hello to my new neighbours, as I now live in a "suburb" with families and kids everywhere. It's a pain. Our next door neighbours are two lesbians with 7 cats, 3 kids and a spaniel. 

As well as Althea & Ivano, I am also forced to live with Grappa: the crazy killer dog. 

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

She secretly wants to kill me. I'm sure of it. She is just waiting for her opportunity. Last week she stuck her head through my door and all I could see was the glow from her eyes. I'm telling you, she is a demon dog from hell sent here to kill us all. Why won't anyone believe me??

Grappa managed to escape last week, which admittedly was my fault. Someone came to the door to ask for donations for some charity, and Grappa made a run for it. I was quite proud of myself when I managed to catch her. I chased her into the next door neighbours front garden and made a very dramatic dive and grabbed her collar. It was like something out of Baywatch, except not at the beach, and with a guy chasing a dog. In fact now that I think about it, it was nothing like Baywatch, not in the slightest. 

Anyway, I grabbed her by the collar and marched her back to the house, but her collar wasn't on very tight. She got out of the collar and made a run for it. I chased after her again but decided to call in some experts for help. I told the kids across the street if they caught her and brought her back to the house I'd give them a fiver. And it worked. I returned to the house, cracked open a beer, and ten minutes later the kids had caught Grappa and earned themselves five quid. I was secretly disappointed as this meant Grappa was back in the house and continuing to plan my demise. 

It's not just cat loving lesbians and dog retrieving kids we have in our neighbourhood. We also have the costume guy.

The costume guy is a guy who walks about in various costumes. Here he is in full on army gear having a very informative chat with a lamp post.

This chat lasted for about ten minutes, he then did some kind of militaristic march back and forth across the street and disappeared. Presumably into the bush's in his camouflage, or perhaps he went on manoeuvres. Who knows? 
I have only seen him in the army costume, but I am reliably informed he has various others, including:
  • A Vampire
  • A Neo Nazi
  • A Star Wars outfit
  • And Michael Jackson

I look forward to seeing his other persona's soon.

Althea was also kind enough to buy me a present last week.

A new pair of slippers. I quite like them.

Last Friday I was unlucky enough to be forced to work in the club below Vincents, it was heaving. Althea, Ilaria and Ivano turned up for a few drinks. This was very handy for me as it meant I could get a lift home, Ivano had other plans. He got drunk instead. The end of the night came and after doing very little work, I left as soon as the place was empty. Ivano was keen to get home but not in a legal state to drive, so I drove him and Althea home in his car. I am fairly certain that his car is actually a toy! Either that or he stole it from some oompa loompas. It's tiny, the handbrake doesn't work and every time I changed gear I accidentally brushed against Ivano's leg which prompted him to say,
"Andy, why are you touching my leg?"

He said this EVERY TIME I changed gear.

On the way home we stopped by a Kebab shop, Althea was very drunk and insisted she get food. Here's a video of her singing in the Kebab shop.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

I have to go now, I suspect once Althea see's this she will want to beat me up. I'm going into hiding. 

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will receive a complimentary dog, the dog's name is Grappa and she may or may not be a demon dog from hell sent on a mission from Lucifer himself to destroy the world as we know it.


  1. Iam in league with those kids and we split the fiver between us (then I killed them and got all of it) woof :)

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