Thursday, 29 July 2010

A new comment

Hows it goin? 
This comment was left on the blog today.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Anonymous Teuchter's Brother!": 

You must think we are stupid, this techter shite is just another scam you made up to get at Mother Tucker and her hard working staff. You fat fairy fruity whiter. You should spend your time haveing ago at the other shitty shops in the area like Dublin Dave, Crustys, Baget Express etc and leave her alone. As for wowzie its pure rubbish. 

Well Anonymous I might as well admit it, you found me out. You are absolutely right. 

I do think you're stupid.

The Anonymous Teuchter is real and those are genuinely real comments that have been left on this blog. I have no need or desire to make up scams to get a Mother Tuckerz and her hard working staff. I have no need to, They have a bad enough reputation already. I have no desire to continue writing about Mother Tuckerz as this blog is starting to turn into Andy vs the crap sandwich shop. It is YOU and your friends who continue to bring them up by constantly giving me unprovoked abuse. The Anonymous Teuchter and his brother are two people who I honestly do not know. But they found the blog because YOU fucking morons keep giving me abuse which I will then re-post as I find it quite amusing. This in turns leads people to discover my posts about Mother Tuckerz and it turns out that several people feel the same way as I do.

As I have previously said, I consider my feud with them over with, I am simply reposting comments left by OTHER people. I have no need to hide behind pseudonyms (that's a fake name, since you are quite stupid I thought I would explain that word to you) as I have already made my feeling about Mother Tuckerz quite clear in a very public way. If you truly are a supporter of Mother Tuckerz you would stop this abuse as all it does is draw attention to my feelings about Mother Tuckerz and the kind of people who frequent this establishment.

Think about it. Have a read of all the other comments which have been left by Mother Tuckerz customers. It makes the business look like a hang out for Chav's and morons.

By they way, what is a "fat fairy fruity whiter?" 

I have already stated in the past that I am indeed a fat bastard. I assume the fairy fruity thing is meant to be some kind of gay reference. I'm not gay. As I stated before I don't have the fashion sense. But even if I was gay, that's alright. It's ok to be gay you know. Are you perhaps struggling with your own sexuality so you are lashing out at the world? It's alright if you're a gay. I have some gay friends and they love being gay. All they talk about all day long is cock, cock, cock.
Sorry am I getting you excited?
What does "whiter" mean?
I would describe my ethnicity as white. So that's not really an insult, more a statement of fact.
I have never eaten in baguette express so I cannot comment on the food or service in that establishment. I have however eaten in Dublin Daves and it was brilliant. By far the BEST sandwich shop on George Street.
And as for Wowzies. They are brilliant. Why don't you like them? Is it because the woman in Mother Tuckerz told you not to? Are you that weak minded and downright stupid that you are that easily lead. I strongly advise you to stay away from timeshare salesmen. If you are as dim as I suspect you are then they will take you for every penny you've got.

You say that I should, "leave her alone" referring to Mother Tuckerz, I honestly was. I have no desire to continue writing about Mother Tuckerz or her (based on current evidence) dim witted customers. After my initial posts about the shop and my encounter with the owner, every other post has been me reacting to abuse received from Mother Tuckerz customers or re-posting others peoples comments regarding the shop. 

I am simply the messenger.

So you shouldn't shoot me.

In closing I would again like to emphasise that the Anonymous Teuchter is real. I have no idea as to the real identity of this person and if they choose to remain anonymous, then so be it. But I assure you it is not me. Why would I create a false persona to take the piss out of Mother Tuckerz when I am perfectly capable of doing it myself. 

I hope this has been a satisfactory response to your comment and you are not currently sitting in your computer chair scratching your head because I have used too many big words, while simultaneously looking at gay porn.(Its alright people won't judge you). If you people want to continue to abuse me then go ahead, I don't mind as I find it quite amusing. It is apparent to me that the people who do leave me abusive comments are quite stupid themselves. So it gives me something interesting to write about if nothing else. But please be aware that every time you do leave me abuse all it does is draw attention to Mother Tuckerz and does not portray them in a positive light. Both by highlighting my feelings towards them and by showing the type of customers she has. (Not very witty and a bit stupid, this is going by the comments I have received. I am not saying that ALL of her customers are like that, as I have not met everyone who has ever frequented her shop. But this is an accurate personality profile based on the comments I have received on this blog.)

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day we can meet up and you can hurl abuse at me in real life as opposed to cyber abuse

Monday, 26 July 2010

The Anonymous Teuchter's Brother!

Hows it goin? 

A few days ago I received the following comment on the blog.

Anonymous Teuchter's Brither here; Yi could hiv blan me doon we a fethir the day, Saiterday 24th, Muther Tukhers (know on Dod Street as "that al hoor's shop") wiz open! So mi brither A.T wiz rang, shoddy work, nae tatties for him the nicht. Fit shiz deen is shut the sweetie shop (Caddyshack) or Crabbycack as us on Dod Street ca it and moved it intae Mutha Tukher's, in korparate parlance I think its ca'd doon sizin. So shi'll nae doot cairy on the mucky taktics on a the ither traders in the Dod Street area. The latist trick shi tried to pull wiz to try an get ither food shoppies in trubble wi the health by askin a jiner ti pit beasties in their letter boxis, cockroachis n the like!! He spragged her and the polis and the cooncil were telt. A thurilly nasty bitch. Bit shi's pittin her ither biziness at risk. Shi hires oot chuddy cleaning hoover things ti the cooncil ti clean chuddy aff the pavemint. So fella Ayebrrdonians ivery time yi spit yer chuddy on the pavemint yir pittin munny in her kype. 
Ats a fir noo. Stovie Dod (Pryvit Aye) 

A Translation

Anonymous Teuchters Brother here; You could have blown me down with a feather today, Saturday 24th, Mother Tuckerz (known on Dod Street as "that old whore's shop") was open! So my brother, Anonymous Teuchter, was wrong, poor quality work, no potatoes for him tonight. What she has done is shut down the sweet shop (Candyshack) or Crabbycack as us on Dod street call it, and moved it into Mother Tuckerz, in corporate parlance I think it is called down sizing. So she will no doubt carry on the mucky tactics on all the other traders in the Dod street area. The latest trick she tried to get away with was to try and get other food shops in trouble with the health authorities by asking a joiner to put insects in the letter box's, cockroaches and such like! He informed the police about this ladies nefarious activities and the council were also informed. A throughly unpleasant bitch. She is also putting her other business at risk. She hires out chewing gum cleaner hoover things to the council to clean chewing gum from the pavement. So fellow Aberdonians every time you spit your chewing gum on the pavement you are putting money in her pocket.
That's all for now
Stevie Dod (Private Eye)

Wow, a shocking report from Stevie Dod. Please be aware that none of these comments are mine. I have written none of this. Merely reproduced and translated it. For more of the Anonymous Teuchters comments CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then it will save me writing these crappy messages at the end of every blog post.

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

Someone has jumped to my defence

Hows it goin? 

It seems that not everyone hates me.

This comment was left on the blog after I posted the abuse.

Dear Anonymous,

1. Fuck you! 

2. Andy G smells like a meadow!

3. Everyone knows your not gay unless you have sucked 100!

4. Ugliest person you have ever seen? What about Ann Widdecombe, Bill O'Riley or... oh yeah... your mother!

5. Learn how to write!



6. Fuck you!

Thank you AP for your kind words. It took me a while to figure out your identity as you hid it so well.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will take you out for a drink and you will get to meet AP.

Monday, 19 July 2010


Hows it goin?
I received the following comments on my blog the other day.

Anonymous said...

Your Still Fat & very,very UGLY. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN THAT YOU CAN'T get better looking without going under the knife! I have never see anyone so fuckin Ugly before in my life.

Anonymous said...


Wow, that's pretty harsh. Not sure what I did to deserve that, but if I may respond to you dear Anonymous.

You've never seen anyone so ugly in your fucking life? That seems unlikely. Unless you have lived a very, very sheltered life. I know I might not be the best looking guy in the world but I am certain that some people out in the world are far, far uglier than I.

Also my name is Andy G not "ANDTYG." I am not gay. Nothing wrong with being gay. I'm just not. Just ask one of my gay friends. I don't think I would fit in with the gay crowd. I don't have the best fashion sense and I understand that's quite an important part of being gay. Well that and all the penis's, and I don't like the sound of that either. 

It's quite pathetic that in the 21st century you have resorted to calling me gay in order to insult me. That's incredibly childish. How old are you? 11?

I have already stated that I am indeed a fat bastard so that's not really an insult, more a statement of fact. You may be interested to learn that I recently purchased a training programme from i-tunes and I am sure in a few weeks I will be much slimmer. Thanks for your concern.

You say I stink? Have we met? Or are you going around sniffing me covertly. This is very worrying behaviour.

I am intrigued as to what I may have done to earn your hatred? What is the reasoning behind this unprovoked attack on my looks. Did I call you ugly recently? Have I turned you down recently? Are you now bitter and jealous? It's ok, I understand. I am quite a catch. 

I would also be interested in seeing a picture of you so I can judge your appearance as you have so viciously judged mine. I do find it amusing that you only abuse my looks, is this because you are not intelligent enough to insult me for anything else? (I can think of at least 50 other things that I deserve to receive abuse for.) I am also intrigued by the use of capital letters in your comment. I notice you have used capital letters at the beginning of some words and not others, and in some cases half a sentence is in caps and then not. I suspect you have done this because you are a moron. I should not be judging, as it is well known that my grammar is atrocious, but I suspect I may have a slightly better grasp on the english language than yourself.

If I may also offer further critique on your comment, (ignoring the issues with capital letters) you said "your". You meant "you're." You really should have used the word "and" instead of using an ampersand. (That's the "&" symbol.) You also said, "I have never see anyone" I suspect you meant to write "seen".   

Well I hope you do get in touch to explain your hatred of me. I am intrigued. (That means curious, I thought I better explain that word to you as you seem to be a bit of an idiot.) If you would like to exchange insults in person I would be up for that. I essentially have nothing to do for the next 6 weeks and I am sure a debate with yourself would fill up a good 3 minutes. I say 3 minutes because I suspect that it would only take that long for you to give up and simply resort to calling me ugly again, and in your mind I think you might think that makes you cool. That's just sad. Fortunately I am intelligent enough to judge people by the actions they take and not the looks that genetics has cursed them with. And in your case, your unprovoked and unnecessary abuse has led me to judge you as being a moron.

And on that note I shall leave you with a song.

If you can't see the video below then stop reading this crap on Facebook and CLICK HERE.

Fuck you Anonymous. Fuck you very, very much.

I look forward to meeting you in person if you are brave enough, which I suspect you are not. I suspect that you are in fact a small minded, quite stupid, childish fuck wit who has such low self esteem that the only way you can feel good about yourself is by leaving anonymous abusive comments on blogs, that's a bit sad isn't it? Seriously have you not got anything better to do?

You really need to get a life. 


Also I would genuinely like to see a picture of you to see if you have any right to call me ugly. Pot calling the kettle black and all that. (And if you don't know what that phrase means you are an even bigger idiot than I thought, but since I am a nice guy I have put a link to the definition)

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will get The Blog Of " still fat and very, very ugly" Andy G sent straight to your inbox, you lucky, lucky people.

Hang on half a mo, I just found another good "Fuck You" song.

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Sad times

Hows it goin? 

As regular readers will know, I am broke and I am selling stuff on Ebay. I spent yesterday morning and a couple of hours late last night packing up 80 of my DVDs.
It really is very emotional. 
So far from my sales I have made about £450, I've paid about £100 on postage and I owe e-bay around £70 in fees. I still have about £70 owed to me from people who have yet to pay for items. So overall it's been worthwhile. 

Out of the DVD's I listed 72 were unsold. I plan on putting these back up next week along with some other stuff I've had lying around. 

Although it sounds like a lot of money has been made, it really hasn't. The money I made doesn't cover my monthly bills so I'm still having financial problems. And to top it off the restaurant is closed for the next two weeks so that means no wages. It looks like I am going to be on a diet for the next few weeks, not just cos I am a fat bastard but because I can't afford to eat.

I really am very sad about selling my DVD's, we've been together a long time. 

A poem to say goodbye to my DVDs

Goodbye my DVD's, you will be missed,
you kept me entertained, while I was getting pissed.
Now you're all available, on e-bay,
going to new home far, far away.
I'm truly sorry to see you go.
I love you all, I'm sure you know.
Sadly now I am broke,
I need the money from e-bay folk.
I hope you all sell, for a good price,
Until next time, have a nice.

Here's a song about e-bay

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then one day I shall cook for you my famous pasta de la Andy. It's very nice.

Saturday, 10 July 2010

News from the anonymous teuchter

Hows it goin? 
Regular readers will know about the letter I once wrote to Mother Tuckerz, I received no response from them, so I sent a second letter. I again received no response but the owner of the shop, rather unprofessionally, started showing the letter to her regular customers, and then they started to retaliate on her behalf.

And then they just started with all out abuse. This didn't really bother me, in fact I found it quite funny, mainly because the people dishing out the abuse appeared to have a mental age of about 7.  I was so amused by the whole thing I even gave them a reference in my film, can you spot it?

I was curious why the owner of the shop had shown the letter to her customers, surely if someone complains about your business the thing to do is deal with it quickly and quietly, not advertise the problem. So i paid her a visit. Her reaction was somewhat disappointing. I attempted to bring an element of humour to our discussion, I introduced myself by saying, "Hi, I'm the arsehole who's been sending you letters." Her immediate response was "hello arsehole." Not exactly very professional, now granted I was calling myself an arsehole but the professional thing to do would be to always try and win the customer back, not start off in a confrontational manner. Sadly our conversation quickly deteriorated, by the end she was shouting and swearing at me on her shop floor, again very unprofessional behaviour on her part. I like to think I left the shop on better terms than I entered it. My feud with them was done, because to be honest I couldn't be bothered. I was quite amused by the whole thing and never gave it a second thought until yesterday.

Yesterday I received this comment on the blog.

Anonymous teuchter here. Yill bi glad ti kain Muthatukka has gone tits up. It's noo a sweety shop. Ah the sanny shops roon aboot thocht they'd get mair customers but turns oot she didnae hae onny so macks nay diffrince.

Dinnae wurry it wisnae yoor fult, cream rises to the top and she proved shite sinks to the bottom.

For anyone who doesn't speak teuchter, I have provided a translation. 

You'll be glad to know that Mother Tuckers has gone out of business. It is now a sweet shop. All the sandwich shops nearby thought this would lead to more customers but it turns out she didn't have any so it makes no difference. Don't worry it wasn't your fault. Cream rises to the top and she proved shit sinks to the bottom.

Well my teuchter friend thanks for the update, if you ever find yourself on George street then check out Wowzies sweet shop, just beside cash converters, It's brilliant! Inside it looks like a bag of skittles exploded, in a good way. And they have cracking ice cream too. If you do go in let me know, you could be my reporter in the field. 
By the way for anyone who doesn't know what a teuchter is, I have copied this definition from wikipedia:
Teuchter (pronounced /ˈtjuːxtər/[1] or /ˈtʃuːxtər/[2]) is a Lowland Scots word used mainly for Northern, Highland Scots, or Doric speaking Scots, although sometimes to any rural Scots by urban Scots. In Glasgow, it can often be used to refer to a person from another part of Scotland if the latter carries a distinctive accent. Like most such cultural epithets, it is often offensive, but is sometimes seen as amusing by the speaker.

So apparently Mother Tuckerz have gone out of business, that's the rumour anyway. This has not been confirmed. I can't say I'm surprised. In all seriousness I hope it was nothing to do with me, I certainly didn't want that, quite the opposite in fact. I simply wanted them to apologise for selling me out of date crisps and a crappy sandwich and then improve the standards. Be the best and rule all the other sandwich shops in Aberdeen. With a name like Mother Tuckerz they certainly deserve to be champions, sadly they never were. Unfortunately for them the shop name was the best thing about the place. Well, that and the counter staff were all very friendly,  just not knowledgeable.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then one day I will take you the greatest sandwich shop in Aberdeen, Upperkrust.


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