Monday, 8 March 2010

Dear Mother Tuckers (A.K.A. envelope 16 of 50)

Hows it goin?
Haven't put a letter online for a few weeks. 
Here is the latest entry into my 50 envelope challenge. This letter was posted on January 12th and I have yet to receive a reply.

Dear Mother Tuckers,

Good day. First of all let me congratulate you on a truly fantastic name for your sandwich shop. It’s brilliant. I am a firm believer that all good shops should be named after puns. It’s for this reason that I only buy fish & chips from a place called the Codfather.

I am a mature student at Aberdeen college, and 2 days ago I was introduced to your establishment by a classmate of mine. We were discussing where to go for a snack on our coffee break and someone said “Mother Tuckers.” I knew immediately I had to check this place out.

My friends and I entered your shop and studied the menu. I was quite peckish at the time so I opted for your meal deal, which included a Panini, a drink and a packet of crisps. All for £3! Not too shabby!

Sadly it is at this point the story takes a downward spiral. I ordered a roast beef panini with cheese and red onion. The young lady behind the counter had a slight look of panic. I saw her studying the various tubs of meats in front of her and I saw the look of complete bewilderment that adorned her face. She informed me there was no roast beef, she again had another look at the meats in front of her and said with a considerable amount of doubt in her voice,

You could have a steakwich instead.

I believe she was uncertain to the contents of this container, but took an educated guess that it was steakwich.

Unfortunately she made the mistake of showing me the tub which contained the said Steakwich.

Please excuse my language in this next sentence but I believe it is necessary in order to make my point.

It looked like shit.


I politely declined and asked what else was on offer. She held up a plate of cold meats which looked appealing but she did not know what any of them were. I found this quite disturbing.

Is it not common practice to train staff in your establishment? I informed the two staff members present that they had a plate of what looked like pastrami and salami. I am not an expert in such things but I was fairly certain. I asked for a pastrami and salami panini with cheese and red onion and my order was then created. While I was waiting for my sandwich another customer entered. He ordered a salami sandwich and the young lady behind the counter once again seemed to be quite confused and claiming not to know what salami was.

I found this very odd as I pointed it out to both of them less than 45 seconds previously.

My panini arrived, I paid my £3 and myself and my classmates went on our merry way. I must say the Panini was overwhelmingly average. 

At best.

This sentiment was shared by the whole group.

I was hungry so I ate it anyway. We arrived back at the college building, took a seat in the common area, and finished off our sandwiches. We then had a lengthy discussion about crisps, none of us had ever heard of TAYTO crisps. I like to consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur of junk food., I have eaten countless varieties of crisps all over the world. Hence the reason I am such a fat bugger! But even I, had never heard of Tayto. I am however open to trying new things and expanding my horizons. I feel that’s the only way we can ever grow as a society and as human beings. I was about to open my packet of ready salted Tayto Crisps, my mouth already salivating with anticipation of this new and exciting rollercoaster ride I was about to allow my taste buds upon, when I noticed something.
Something Odd.

Look at the best before date!!!


You are selling crisps that are out of date. 

And not just a little out of date.


Either that or they will not go out of date until 2109!

And no offence to Tayto crisps, but I am fairly certain they have not developed that level of crisp freshness technology.

I thought it may have just been a one off, maybe it was just my packet, but I checked with my class mates and all 5 of us had been sold packets of out of date crisps!

I am not a lawyer but isn’t that spectacularly illegal?

You could have killed one of us!

Ok, maybe that is a tad extreme. It is unlikely that any of us would actually die. 

BUT, you could have quite easily made one of us very ill.

What’s that all about?

I am incredibly disappointed, such a great name for a business but such a letdown when it comes to delivering! (I mean delivering in terms of service and standards, not as in a delivery service.)

I for one will most certainly not be returning to your establishment and neither will any of my class. I am a member of the student council and I am strongly considering issuing a health warning regarding your establishment. I should inform you I plan on reprinting this letter on my blog, (

If you can offer a reasonable explanation then I will of course put that information online also.

I have worked as a restaurant manager for many years in Aberdeen and all over the world, and I would never, ever allow my standards to slip as low as I have experienced as a customer in your establishment.

I would very much like to hear back from you with your thoughts on the matters I have raised, either through a letter from yourself or if you wish, please feel free to email me.

Kind Regards

Andy Graham

(Annoyed customer)

Here's a song about sandwiches, sadly this was the exact opposite of my reaction to my visit to Mother Tuckers.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do not subscribe to The Blog Of Andy G then you will be force fed a sandwich from Mother Tuckers, and no one wants that!


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  3. Noo noo loons n quines, jist mine its Mutha Tukka nae Mither Therisa, ken fit a mean. If yer gan tae dis a Mutha Tukka yer boont tae get some rappin cummin back at ye.

    Im nae a cusomer or ean oh her quines jist a concerned teuchter.
    Blog on boy

  4. Anonymous teuchter here. Yill bi glad ti kain Muthatukka has gone tits up. It's noo a sweety shop. Ah the sanny shops roon aboot thocht they'd get mair customers but turns oot she didnae hae onny so macks nay diffrince.
    Dinnae wurry it wisnae yoor fult, cream rises to the top and she proved shite sinks to the bottom.

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  8. Another happy customer...NOT, from Soda Jerk;
    That new place on George Street, Mother Tuckerz - If you want a sandwich with fresh, good quality ingredients, bread that isn't as chewy as bubblegum and dry like sand, and made so the filling doesn't fall out of the bread, and all over your lap - Go somewhere else.

    The tomato tastes days old. I'm a right tomato snob and I get a bit arsey about freshness, but this must have been cut many days ago. Innards had dried, and the flesh had gone soggy. The ham is squares of ham like you get in Dairylea lunchables. They don't have Mayo or any kind of dressing, other than ketchup or salsa. No butter either. Margerine. Who the fuck uses margerine? She microwaved the baguette for 30 seconds before preparing it too, so it was stiff and chewy. You only do that if bread is starting to go a bit stale...

    That was the worst lunch I've had since that day when I had nothing for lunch.

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