30 Day Challenge Day 2: A picture of yourself and the person you have been closest with the longest.

Hi

How's it goin? 

The 30 Day Challenge continues with A picture of yourself and the person you have been closest with the longest.

It's only day two and I'll admit to struggling a wee bit with this one.

The obvious answer would be Adam, he's my brother from another mother. But I have friends who I have known much longer than him. Another obvious choice would be a family member, obviously I have known them the longest as they have had the luxury of knowing me since the day I was born. And they have been cursing my name ever since.

After much consideration I decided to go with,

Dr Kev.

Dr Kev and I met when we were ten years old. Several months ago Kev got married to Alice, and then they both buggered off to Australia. I was master of ceremonies at the wedding. And for some reason I had to give a speech about a wedding cake.
I am still not sure why. 
But I am never one to shy away from a challenge, so when the day came I gave the best speech about a wedding cake ever given in the history of everything.
Also, possibly the first.
The night before Kev got married, I made a startling discovery. One which shook me to my very core. In nearly 18 years of friendship I was shocked to discover that,
Kev Snores!
And not just a little.
We were sharing a room the night before the wedding and fook me. It was like sleeping in the same room as a wild animal. It was terrifying.
But Kev's wedding is a story for another day. One which might be available in book form before the end of the year.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe the next time I write about someone I am close to, it will be you.*

*Probably not.

The Tale Of Last Saturday: Drunken Flying, Potential Gayness and very sore feet.

Hi

How's it goin? 

And so the weekend has landed, here's how my Saturday went.

Saturday February 5th 2011

I am fairly certain that the new washing machine is not working properly. Either this or I didn't set it up properly. Nah. It must be broken, that's the only logical explanation. Everything that comes out is absolutely soaking. Obviously it's gonna come out wet, but it's very wet. And dripping all over the floor.

This is worrying.

I spent most of the day in my bed, around half 2 I began to feel guilty about not doing anything productive. So I went out for a run,  I took Grappa The Crazy Killer Demon Dog From Hell with me again. I'm secretly hoping that she will somehow escape from her lead and run under a bus. I would never intentionally kill the dog, even though I fucking hate the thing. But if the dog dies by escaping from me and getting run over by a bus and her brains splatter all over the pavement. Well that's not my fault is it? Most people think the dog is actually really nice. Well it's not. The dog is a dick, and want's to kill me. I have proof.

See?

Tonight Laura and I are going to a Burns Supper. Albeit a delayed one. Burns night was actually over a week ago. But I'm not complaining. It was for her friends pipe band. I had met these guys only once before and they were good banter. 

I was told this was an informal thing, which threw me somewhat. For the better part of two weeks I annoyed Laura constantly about whether or not I should Kilt up!

Everyone knows I look good in a Kilt.

But this was an informal Burns supper. What should I do? I didn't want to go and be the only guy there NOT wearing a kilt. Laura's mate said I could do whatever I wanted, kilt up or not kilt up. It's a question that has plagued man kind since the beginning of time. 


Well, it's plagued scottish men.

Apparently the band were all going to be in kilts. So should I wear a kilt and blend in? What if someone think's I'm in the band, and force me up on stage to play something? It'll be like that scene out of American Pie 2 when Jim has to play the trumpet and pretend he is a retard.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

So for the majority of this week, I have been pre occupied about whether or not to kilt up! Then Saturday evening arrived, and the decision was made for me. I looked out my kilt, and discovered that my shirt had not been washed since the last time I wore it. At Kev and Alice's Wedding. And after the events of the wedding my shirt was not in a fit state. You see, dear reader, as I am sure you are aware, I am at times a bit of a drunken moron.
Just look at this for proof.
Or this.
Or even this.

The wedding of Kev and Alice was no exception to my drunken antics. At one point I was slapping Mark's ass with a tambourine. Although I'm not really sure why.

I'm not going to go into the rest of the wedding, as that's a story for another day. However, I will tell you how I ruined my shirt. It was late on in the evening, and Kev was outside having a cheeky fag. Earlier that day he told me he wasn't going to smoke, and if he did I was to stop him. This was a task I did not undertake lightly. As soon as I heard what Kev was doing, I put down my pint next to the three others I had waiting for me. (People kept buying me drinks, I'm not sure why, possibly to see what would happen for comedy value.) I stormed outside as fast as my drunken feet could carry me. However it had been raining outside, and the outside decking was very slippery. And as I stormed outside determined to stop my friend from smoking, I slipped. I didn't just slip a little bit though. I slipped in such an over the top comedy manner. I went flying through the air. I honestly believe that time slowed down and I was moving in slo-mo. At one point as I was in mid air, I thought that perhaps I had finally discovered my latent super power. Maybe I had the ability to fly. Maybe this was my grand moment where my powers would manifest themselves, and I would fly off into the night, to become KILT MAN. But then Gravity took over, I did not fly off, and I still remember being in the air and thinking,


"Well this can't be good."


I came crashing down to the ground with a thunderous thunder. I heard laughing, lots of laughing. I saw pointing, lots of pointing. Then the pointing and laughing combined. People were pointing, and laughing, at me. In my drunken state I searched my brain for some way out of this situation. There must be someway to keep some smidgen of dignity and self respect in this situation. Then I had an idea. I would just stay on the ground.
I just lay there, on the ground in a, "I'm just lying on the deck to chill out" sort of way.
I don't think that was the vibe I was giving off, but it was what I was aiming for. Obviously the deck was very wet, and a bit muddy. Which in turn transferred that mud onto my brand new white shirt. Which now had a slightly brown motif to it. And was ripped. 
The rest of that night is somewhat of a drunken blur. And I had forgotten all about my drunken stumble and ruining of my kilt shirt until the very moment I opened up my kilt bag to put on my kilt shirt.


So back to the present day, my decision was made for me, my kilt shirt was ruined. Yes I had other shirts I could have worn, but I felt this was destiny telling me not to wear a kilt. And I'm glad I didn't. I would have been incredibly over dressed. The only people in Kilts were the band, and most of them changed out of them after they played a couple of tunes. 


The night was being held in a social clubs function. The last time I was in this particular building was for a wake. This visit was definitely more cheery. It was also incredibly cheap. I drank. A lot.
The purpose of the night was a fundraiser for the band. They had food included in the ticket price and then a raffle, you got one free raffle ticket upon entry and you had to pay for more if you wanted. In an attempt to impress Laura's friends I had donated a raffle prize. A gift voucher for Vincents. I was tempted to give them a copy or two of my book, but I have to pay for them. 
Myself and Laura both bought raffle tickets, and I am gutted to say that neither of us won anything.
WTF?
I donated a prize!
The least they could do was fix it so I could win something.
We decided to drown our sorrows in Jaeger Bombs.
Several of them in fact. It was at this point that the night starts to become a bit hazy.


I asked on facebook if any of my pal's were out tonight. This sparked a massive debate.

So my Auntie Pat think's I'm a gay. This is something that my Mum once thought also. When I first got the job on the QE2, one of the first things she said to me was,


"There's a lot of gay boys on ship's Andrew."


And when I came home on my first leave, Mum was on the phone to someone while I was in sitting in the same room. This was the conversation.


"Yeah, Andrew's been home for about a week now, my ironing has tripled and he's been out drinking every night. No he hasn't come home with a girlfriend......... or a boyfriend. At least that would be something."


Then she glared at me. 


Maybe this is something I should bring up with my hetrosexual rep at School.


Anyway, back to the night. We left the venue around 1ish and decided to head home. This sparked a massive debate about which way to go for a taxi. I suggested we walk towards my house and try and flag one down on the way. She said we should walk towards town and get one at a taxi rank. 
I won. We were staying at my house. So it's my rules.
I will admit that my memory of this is incredibly hazy, but this is what happened as best as I can remember it.


About 3 minutes into our walk towards my place. Laura started moaning that her feet were soar because of her shoes.


Fooking women and shoes. I'll never get it. 


I gave her a piggy back for about 500 yards during which time two taxi's past us by. Clearly not stopping because we appeared to be too drunkards staggering home and no taxi driver would be stupid enough to take us. I then stopped the piggy backing in an attempt to look more sober and deserving to passing taxi's. Laura continued to moan, about her feet. After another five minutes of this moaning I couldn't take anymore. I gave her my shoes. She walked home in my shoes and I walked home in my socks.


Laura if you are reading this, (and I know you are)  I gave you my shoes because I am a very nice, sweet, kind man. And since I am such a nice, sweet, kind man, and I gave you my shoes to walk home in, you must promise NOT to read the next paragraph.


Promise?
Ok. good.


Dear reader.
I did not give Laura my shoes to be nice and sweet. I gave her my shoes as it was the only way to get her to stop fooking moaning! Fooking women and shoes. You're all fooking nuts!




Ok Laura you can read on now.

And so ends another fun filled Saturday night in the life of Andy G. Join me tomorrow at the crack of noon, when I tell you...
The Tale of Last Sunday: Hangover sandwiches, smelling of poo and a mega cookie.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will some up with a funny blog title with YOUR name in it. Wouldn't that be lovely?

This week on Facebook: Swearing Mum's, a trouser incident, and the return of Sausage Cheese!

Hi


How's it goin?
This is what happened this week on facebook.

Cat was overwhelmingly honest.

Jeanine is clearly living in a Shrek film

Paul is a bit gay.

In his defence Edward is his new born baby boy. But still. GAY!

Martin had a trouser incident.

KP changed her profile pic, the likeness is kind of eerie.

Auton was starving!

 I played a word game.

I prove that I am a far better friend to Pete than Althea is.

Paul never did get stuck in the snow, 

just as well as I was just being polite.

I made a very stupid joke.

 Sulaiman took a break from fundraising and headed to school.
This series of comments is mainly for the benefit of everyone in my college class. I suspect you will like.

Dr Kev posted this from sunny Australia. 

It's been snowing a lot in Aberdeen and I fucking hate the snow. 

I decided to take my anger out on Dr Kev.

Dr Kev's Mum saw my comment and was not impressed. 

Sorry Kev.

Sorry Kev's Mum.

Was just in a bad mood.

I don't like the snow.

Kisses.

Ivano had a rant in Italian

There was much anticipation regarding

 the return of Friendly Friday

I tasted a beer that tasted just like a sausage cheese, something which I was fairly certain Alice had dreamt.

 And Dr Kev and I had a very involved discussion 
regarding our Dopplegangers.

That's All For Now 


Until Next Time 


Have A Nice 


Andy G 


If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do not subscribe then all you will get for christmas is a lump of coal. Unless a lump of coal is actually what you want. In which case you will get a giant turd on your door step!

An Important Announcement

Hi 

Hows it goin?

I have to make an announcement.

An important announcement.

But I'm not going to make it now.

This is just the advance warning.

As regular readers will know at the beginning of the year I set myself 10 Challenges.

Amongst these challenges were two super secret amazingly awesome projects.

Super secret amazingly awesome project number one was meant to be a surprise party for my mate Dr Kev, but due to various circumstances, (his girlfriend told him) that was called off.

Over the past few months I have been working very hard on super secret amazingly awesome project number two. And it is complete. What is my super secret amazingly awesome project I hear you ask?

Well all will be revealed, tomorrow. 

At the crack of noon.

See you then.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you subscribed already then you would already know what my important announcement is, and it would have worked out better for you. Your loss.

BRB

Hi 

Hows it goin? 

Well that's it. 

I have attended my four weddings.

(Not MY weddings, I am not a serial bigamist.) 

A massive Thank You to Ian & Kat, Ali & Jo, Claire & Kenny, and Kev & Alice.

Every wedding I was lucky enough to attend was brilliant.

Kev's wedding was this weekend just passed. It was awesome. I had to give a speech. I think it went well. I got a fair few drinks out of it so I was happy.

I will get around to writing about all these weddings eventually, but I have been very busy for the past few weeks with a couple of projects, I'm not quite ready to share these with the world yet, but soon.

I am also unsure as to when I will be able to write on this blog again.

I am gonna be incredibly busy for the next few weeks as I have a new job. It's just temporary until I go back to school, but hopefully it will give me enough money to survive. As regular readers will know I have been having a lot of money problems lately.

It's gotten to the point where, yesterday I was in town and I saw a bus coming around the corner and I thought to myself, if I get hit by that bus I could sue! As long as he just hits my arm or something, not a full running over. I would get a shit load of money. I'd probably also get to star in one of those claims direct adverts. Brilliant.

I didn't get hit by the bus, He was too good a driver.

Bastard.

So with any luck I'll get enough cash from this new temp job to get me through until student loan day.

I do love student loan day.

Hopefully I will see you all soon.

Don't miss me too much.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then when student loan day eventually comes I will buy you a pint.

Birthdays & Weddings

Hi

Hows it goin?

Its my blog's first brithday.

It was one year ago on this very day when I posted my first entry!

I imaginitively titled it First Entry.

Yeah I know, I really have a way with words

One year ago today I was optimistic about getting into the RSAMD. I was uncertain about the future, I was working like a bastard in Tapas Towers, and I'm farily certain I wasn't this fat.

Who know's where's I'll be when this blog hits its second birthday?

With any luck I'll be nearly finished my second year and final year at school and filling out an application form for that job at R.S. Mccoll.

Or maybe not, maybe I will finally crack and beat one of the customers in the restaurant to death.

Maybe Mother Tuckers will have me "taken care of."

Maybe my dedicated fans at Wowzies will make me a spokesperson and I can make enough money to retire at the ripe old age of 28.

I am cautiously optimistic about the year ahead, as I stated a few weeks ago, I will be 28 at the end of June. I have ran the numbers and 28 should be my perfect year. Click here if you don't believe me.

In the short term I have 4 weeks to finish my school work and then roll on the summer.

I have 4 weddings this summer (hopefully no funerals).

Wedding 1

Ian & Kat

June 12th

Edinburgh

Ian is getting married on an island a short ferry ride from Edinburgh. Ian is quite possibly the most organised person I have ever met in my entire life so I expect his wedding to be exceptional. Due to unexpected circumstances he even organised his own stag do.

I really think Ian's wedding is gonna set the bar pretty high. I have no role in this wedding, as I have written before about the various roles in weddings you will realise I am quite glad of this, mainly because I fully expect to be incredibly drunk for the entire weekend in Edinburgh.

That being said, the last time I saw Ian he did mention something to me about Bob and I being the flower boys.

Ians stag do kicks off tomorrow, an activities weekend in Aberfeldy, I will let you know if Ian makes it through the weekend alive. He probably will, and Ian if you're reading this, don't worry mate, I'm sure you're hair will grow back after we shave it all off, strip you down, tie you to a lampost cover you in treacle and leave you for a few hours.

Oops, have I just spoiled the surprise?

Wedding 2

Ali & Jo

July 3rd

Haddo House

Ali had his stag do last weekend and sadly I couldn't make it. I simply can't afford it at the moment. I am truly sorry I missed it. It certainly counds like it was interesting, on the first day Ali broke his leg.

Looking forward to seeing the first dance at his wedding. Ali is getting married at Haddo House, a place which until two weeks ago I thought only did pantomimes.

Wedding 3

Claire & Kenny

July 16th

Somewhere in the countryside

I have no idea where they are actually getting married, I have been told the name, but I have no dea where it actually is. Ian is meant to be loooking into somewhere for us to stay, and I will be relying on him for transport, this should be a great wedding. The last time myself and this particular gang of people had a big night out was Claire's 21st. And at the end of that night I ended up posting my superman underwear through someones letter box.

Wedding 4

Kev & Alice

July 31st

Its either aboyne or alford, I keep forgetting

And this is the wedding to finish off the summer, I have a vital role in this wedidng, I am the master of ceremonies, I have a bell to ring and everything! I think Kev's wedding could quite possibly be the best of the bunch, not just cos I have a small role in it, but because it's gonna be epic. And it think that adequalty explains it. Kev's having his stag do in mid June when we are going on a canal boat holiday. Having worked on the QE2 for a couple of years my experience will no doubt be invaluable. I'm still on the look out for some sort of hat that is appropriate for a stag do on a boat. If anyone see's anything then let me know.

Even tho at all of these weddings I am not meant to make a speech, I am thinking of making one anyway, or at least getting up on stage and having a sing song. However, being the drunken idiot that I am, I suspect it might go a little bit, like this.

Worst Wedding DJ Ever from Jerry O'Connell

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will show you photo's of what we will have done to Ian and Kev on there stag do's.

If Ian and Kev are reading this, be afraid, be very afraid.

An update on my New Years Challenges

Hi

Hows it goin?

Regular readers might remember at the end of 2009 I set myself 10 challenges for 2010.

Most of these were particularly easy tasks, hence the reason I said I would do them. Since it is now April I thought I better give you an update on how I am getting on.

1 I will find Dave Bailey and buy him a pint!

I haven't done this yet. I have a couple of leads and I hope to follow up on them this summer.

2 I will complete my 50 envelope challenge.

This is coming along nicely, I am over half way through, I haven't put them all online yet as I am hoping that replies are en-route.

3 I will write and direct my own film.

The film is written, but since I am on holiday from school at the moment filming is currently on hiatus until mid April.

4 I will not fail school.

So far, so good. Altho at the moment I am suffering from an extreme lack of motivation. That's one of the reason I am doing the Blog ever day for a month, I am hoping that writing everyday will bring out my creative side.

5 I will take a road trip down south.

Not got round to this yet, I am hoping to get round to this in summer time, assuming I can get some money.

6 Super secret amazingly awesome project number 1.

Alright, confession time. This was meant to be a surprise party for Kev, it was his birthday and he became a doctor in January. So Alice (his future wife) and myself were organising a surprise party for him, it was going to be epic. I was even going to do a musical number. But then Alice told him about it. In her defence she did have her reasons. Kev had his big doctor interview 3 days after the date we wanted for the party.

7 Super secret amazingly awesome project number 2.

This project is coming along nicely, I don't want to say too much but it is awesome, and amazing! I hope to make an announcement revealing the details of this super secret project within a couple of months.

8 I will start watching 24.

Not got round to this yet, I will eventually. Can someone lend me the DVD? I am too poor to buy it.

9 I will finally watch Lord Of The Rings.

Same as above

10 I will go to Edinburgh zoo.

I will be in Edinburgh in late April for filming with my classmates, I will be back in June for Ian's wedding, and Adam is back in August so I'm sure I will be down in Edinburgh then. So I will def visit the zoo on one of these occasions and I will try my best to steal an animal. I'm thinking a monkey, or maybe a penguin.

So that's about it, considering how easy my challenges are, I am quite disappointed that I have done so little of them. I will keep you updated as to my progress throughout the year.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you don't subscribe then a flock of winged monkeys will attack you!