Tuesday, 22 September 2009

on the Buses Part 5: The End........... for now! (insert evil laugh here)

Hi there

you will no doubt be happy to hear this is the final letter in my series of 5 featuring Bobs Big Bus company. All i can say is, Bob, I hope your reading this and I hope our paths cross again!

Hi Andy,

Glad you were impressed, my comments are in red.

Bob Johnson

Operations Manager

Good Day Mr Johnson,

How the hell r ya? can i call you Bob? I feel like we're quite good pals now. I am writing to you to express my most heart felt congratulations regarding

my recent bus trip to Aberdeen. I am impressed!

I was visiting the Granite City in order to inspect my new flat and dance the night away with some old friends in the local discothèque. I am sure you have been reading my blog so I will not bore you with the details.

After reading your letter I decided to give your company another try, (also I am broke and this is the cheaper option) and I am impressed! I have changed my appearance somewhat since my last bus journey and was travelling incognito, I will admit to being slightly afraid that all of your company would be on the lookout for me. Am I on your company hit list?

No Andy, no such thing, we welcome everyone on our services.

Upon Arrival to the bus station in Edinburgh I made my way to my stance (oh yeah!) and was chuffed to see the bus was already there. The bus was early!! WELL DONE! Upon boarding there was only the faintest whiff of urine, although the whiff was still in the air for the majority of the journey the odour was bliss compared to my previous trip. I was also very impressed with the passengers; there were no fat people in sight! Have you started using my scales idea?

Again, no Andy, no need to use scales.

There were numerous attractive women on the bus and at one point I actually said to myself “Andy like” One particularly attractive young woman sat in the chair to my left with her young child. I was initially worried about the child screaming the whole way there but the M.I.L.F. counteracted this fear with her hotness! And to the babies credit it was very quiet for almost the whole journey. I was also impressed with your safety procedures, a tall scary man came on and shouted to put on our seatbelts, I think everyone did so right away as they would be too afraid not to in case this man shouted again. Please do not take this the wrong way; this is excellent, as safety must always come first!

May be an opportunity here - Bobs dating agency with "on bus" introductions available from only £1. If your not happy with your first choice, feel free to amend it, all for a £1 amendment fee. Could this catch on?

The bus left exactly as scheduled and started on the first try! So far so good! Upon leaving the station we drove past something called a boogie bus, I did try and get a picture but alas I could not get my camera fast enough. This appeared to be some kind of party bus, with music and a pole dancer. Is this something you would consider? This would certainly make my bus trips to Aberdeen FAR more pleasant! Upon arrival in Dundee I noticed the young child did start to cry, this did not bother me as I almost had a similar reaction myself. When we arrived at the station it was a glorious day, the sun was shining and the girls were wearing mini skirts, it was ace. I did not even mind the bus being delayed. I sat outside and read my book (Just a Geek by Wil Wheaton in case your interested)

Maybe we could tie this in with my "Bobs bus dating agency, speed dating on the move? Possibilities Andy.............

I took the opportunity to explore the surrounding area of Dundee bus station, as I expected there is not much but I did discover this amusing coffee shop sign. The owner is either very witty or to cheap to replace the sign (I suspect it’s the latter)

As long as life is not grinding him down.........he was full of beans last time I was there...... (sorry!!)

My bus arrived in Dundee station at 12:35 and I could not believe my eyes, a double Decker!! Surely this is the stretch limo of the cross-country coaching community (how’s the for alliteration eh?) I chose to sit on the bottom level in order to secure a quick exit. I was quite concerned when a group of kids boarded and I looked like the seat next to me was going to be taken but fortunately they decided to go to the second floor. Just as well because I overheard one of them saying it’s mental at the back of the bus! Upon boarding I asked the driver when our expected arrival time in Aberdeen was and he cheerfully replied one hour and 20 minutes from departure. I was impressed at both his friendly tone and precise timing.


And low and behold 1 hour and 21 minutes later we arrived in Aberdeen. Only one minute off. Brilliant! I even got two seats to myself on the bus. How cool is that? I did feel sorry for the driver when we arrived in Aberdeen, as he had to deal with all the bags himself.He was fast and efficient however and I think he should get a bonus of some kind. Also upon disembarking I noticed several bus drivers smoking in a corner, I’m not complaining about that, smoke away by all means, but I did notice they ALL had a moustache, there were about 6 of them. Is this some kind of bus driver tradition? Do you have any statistics regarding bus drivers and moustaches? I would be interested to see them.

Maybe more of an Aberdeen thing that an issue with bus drivers, keep me informed.

I have to ask, did you know I was coming? Did you lay on special treatment just for me? Was the double Decker bus a treat usually saved for celebrities? As mentioned since last time I travelled with you I shaved my head and grew a beard all to avoid recognition with yourselves. Did you see through my disguise?

Nope, all our customers are treated in this manner and we treat them all as celebrities........but you could be moving into megastar status shortly.

I would like to offer my heartiest congratulations on vastly improving your service. I hope you continue to keep this up and I hope your coaches remain urine free.

With your permission I would like to publish our correspondence in my previously mentioned blog. I realise you probably think I’m just a fool who you don’t want to give the time of day, however in all seriousness I was very angry regarding my first journey with yourselves but I am now overjoyed with your company and would like to publish the story online, I believe you come up looking better than me. You look like an intelligent and thoughtful man in charge of a respectable company, while I looking like a moaning idiot with a computer! If you wish to protect your privacy I will change your name and the name of your company. I will let you choose your own pseudonym and the name of your company, may I suggest something like Jonny Rocket and Rocketbus.com. If you can come up with something more original then I would be all ears. I look forward to hearing from you. And please do get back in touch.

Not so sure about the publication but as long as my name is changed to say, Bob and the company can be known as Bob's Big Bus. Keep it simple is my motto and I must add, I am glad we have had this exchange. I appreciate your comments. Any issues in the future, please feel free to contact me. Remember that, if you publish anything, take "CENSORED" out of anything you include please. I would like to say, I have enjoyed our exchange of views, it has been light hearted and a pleasant change for me.

Thanks again


Big Boss

Bob's Big Bus Company

And Thats all for now.

I hope you guys enjoyed my moaning.

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

This Blog was written while listening to Aerosmith

But there are no crappy amazon adverts on this blog entry because it wasn't working.

Never mind,

buy something from Amazon thru this site, i need the money!

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