Friday, 25 September 2009

The Pressures of Parenthood

How r ya?
I'll warn you in advance, this is not the usual cheery blog entry you have come to expect. This is a serious one.
I am deeply concerned for a friend of mine. My friend Richard is a top bloke, but I'm starting to think he is beginning to crack.

He is going to be a father soon, in fact at time of writing the baby is now 5 days overdue. I think the pressure of becoming a father is getting to him.
Over the past couple of months I have received several random and increasingly violent text messages from him.
Here they are listed in chronological order:
August 1st 2009 16:29
Richard: Ainslie Harriot is a fucking cunt.
Andy: True
August 3rd 2009 16:07
Richard: Fern Britton is a fucking cunt.
Andy: You seem to be abusing daytime personalities a lot lately.
August 3rd 2009 18:22
Richard: They are all cunts. Especially Gloria Hunniford. What a fucking cunt.
Andy: True
August 3rd 2009 20:24
Richard: Actually I don't mind Philip Schofield, I've heard he's all right.
August 8th 2009 11:09
Richard: "Ed Rooneys office"
(This was of course a fitting tribute to the late great John Hughes )
August 9th 2009 11:13
Richard: Shame you've lost the beard. You could have kept a little hitler mustache and goose stepped around edinburgh mocking the german tourists
August 11th 2009 20:55
Richard: Its time John Leslie made a daytime TV comeback, you can't rape the willing.
August 13th 2009 19:58
Richard: You black bastard
Things then seem to settle down, I did not hear anything from him for a few weeks then I received this.
September 22nd 2009 22:03
Richard: I have just brutally murdered Vernon Kay. He deserved it.
Andy: Make sure you dispose of the body quickly.
Richard: I was thinking of putting his head on a spike as a warning to others. Will put the rest of him in the freezer next to Ainsley Harriot.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining, these texts have made me smile on an otherwise dreary day. I am however concerned for the safety of his wife and his soon to be born Daughter. If anyone of you happen to see him in the street please give him a big hug!
If your interested you can read more on Richards adventures in parenthood here.

My Friend Richard is going mad,
Is it because, he’s becoming a Dad?
Don’t worry mate,
I'm sure you’ll do fine.
As a Dad you'll be Great
Just lay off the wine!
Every night for your dinner,
You’re having a curry.
It won’t make you thinner,
So tell the baby to hurry.
Until next time
have a nice
Andy G
This blog was written while listening to Fastball

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