Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Highlights of the weekend: Sensational Saturday

Hows it goin? 
Saturday is typically the busiest day of the week in any restaurant. But this was the busiest Saturday Tapas Towers had ever done!
At 4:30pm the bookings looked like this
By 5pm over 500 people were coming in for dinner.
It was mental.

The whole day was busy, it was exhausting. But in the late afternoon I still found time to accidentally chat up some hot girls.
Anyone who has had the pleasure of working with me over the years will tell you that more often that not, I have a fork in my shirt pocket. Sometimes a spoon, but usually a fork. The reason for this is unimportant. I took the order from table 107, three quite attractive girls. The hottest of them clearly fancied me.
"Why do you have a fork in your pocket?" She asked clearly looking for an excuse to talk to me.
"You'll never know when you need a good fork ladies, and when you do, I'm your man."
Get it? Fork sounds like fuck.
I realise that you probably did get it, but as regular readers are aware, some of the people who read this blog are really fucking stupid.
I was quite impressed at the speed in which I came up with the fork line. I've never said it before. I just kind of blurted it out. They never left me a number.

Later that evening I had to serve table 402, two people were sitting and waiting for a third, they were deaf. This wasn't a problem as they could lip read, as long as I spoke clearly and slowly. I explained the menu and they said they wanted to wait for the third person to join them before ordering drinks. 10 minutes later the third person arrived. She was the most beautiful deaf girl I have ever seen. This was perfect, a deaf girl would be the ideal woman for me. She wouldn't have to listen to all the crap I speak all day long. I could tell her I have a perfect singing voice. She would never have to listen to this.
If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE
If I said something stupid it wouldn't matter, cos she wouldn't hear it. Winner! I approached the table, ready to introduce myself and whisk this deaf girl off her feet. She would be mine! 

Then disaster struck. 

I was gutted. 

She wasn't deaf!

Worse than that, she was a cockney!

Bugger that!

I took the order then never returned to the table.

Later on that night I once again fell madly in love with a woman, purely based on the fact she was wearing a low cut top and had magnificent boobs. I had decent banter with the her and her pals. As they were paying the bill I asked what they were up to for the rest of the night.

"So ladies are you off to see a show tonight?"
"Why not?" The hottest replied

"Yeah exactly why not? It's the festival, we should all be going out and enjoying it while we can!"
"No, we're going to the club, Why Not."

Apparently Edinburgh has a nightclub called Why Not. I did not know this. I looked quite stupid. 
Although I think they clearly told me where they were going as a hint for me to join them later. I would have done, but they made an error. A massive error which put me off them. They did not leave a tip.
Sorry ladies. 
You just lost out on the Andy love.
Your loss!

Half way through Dinner service something happened. 

Something terrible. 

Something I can barely bring myself to talk about.

My pen died.
And not just any pen. A clicky pen! Do you know how hard it is to hold onto a clicky pen when working in a restaurant? It's fooking impossible! And I managed it for nearly three weeks in Tapas Towers. That has to be some kind of record.
Goodbye my favourite clicky pen, you will be missed.
I was considering writing a poem as a farewell to my pen, but to be honest I can't be arsed. I'm totally exhausted. I just don't have the energy. Plus I go back to school in 3 days and I haven't done any preparation for that. So I need to keep all my creativity for script writing.

With it being the festival, it is of course very busy, it also means that people are coming in a lot later. On Saturday we had people coming at nearly 11pm. That's is "Mucho Insanio" as the Spanish would say. One such table was a particular pain for me.
I approached the table eager to get a drink order. The sooner you get a drink order the sooner you get a food order. The sooner you get a food order the sooner they get food. The sooner they get food the sooner they eat. The sooner they eat the sooner they finish eating. And the sooner they finish eating the sooner they get the fuck out of the restaurant and I can go home.

"Hi folks, can I get you something to drink?"
"Yes, We'll have some wine." The man said.
He then stared blankly at me for a minute. As if our business was done, he expected me to extrapolate exactly which wine he wanted from that sentence.
"Do you know which wine you'd like sir?"
"Yes, a bottle of white wine please." He then handed me the wine list.
"Which white wine sir? I have over 70 wines in the wine list."
"Just a bottle of white is fine."
"You'll need to tell me which white wine sir."
"Fine lets have a look at the list again." He sounded annoyed.
I walked away from the table to give him a few minutes to choose. Obviously this was an incredibly difficult thing for him to do. Fucking moron!
I returned 5 minutes later.
"Alright sir have you made a decision on which wine you'd like?"
"Yes we're going to have a bottle of white wine."
I sighed, smiled and walked away.
I ordered him a bottle of house white and never returned to the table.

Early on Saturday morning before I even went to work, I watched this video on you tube.

If you can't see the video above then you're an idiot! I already told you to stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

This is Ranjit, one of the chef's. I think if he continued singing the busker would have beaten him to death with his guitar!

Next Time on The Blog Of Andy G
It's Sunday Funday in Tapas Towers!

  • I meet a poet.
  • I imply that I have aids.
  • I show off my knowledge of the law.
  • Witness a cougar in the wild.
  • And attempt to beat racism!

That's All For Now

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will introduce you to Ranjit and get him to sing for you. If you do not subscribe then I will force him to come round to your house and sing for you every day for a month!

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