Monday, 13 December 2010

My Name is Phil.


How's it goin? 

This is the story of a not very interesting evening at Vincents several months ago.

It was a quiet night, which these days is kinda the norm. We had about 40 people in. It was myself and three waitress's working. Generally being the lazy git that I am, I tend to do very little work. The waitress's will vouch for this. I make sure everything runs smoothly, check to make sure everyone is happy and if someone complains and asks if I'm the manager I always give the same answer.

"No. I"m not the manager, I'm just in charge right now."

It's very relaxing.

Also if anyone ever wants to make a complaint about me, I use a trick I learned from my days at Tapas Towers. 

I tell them my name is Phil.

Anyway as I was saying, on this particular night it was myself and three waitress's on duty, now I'm not on duty during the day so I turn up at 5pm and just start service, I organise nothing. Which is why the bar was once again not stocked up and the wine list was entirely inaccurate.

A table of 8 women had ordered two bottles of a South African Sauvignon Blanc that was out of stock, I went over and explained that we were out and that the wine list was wrong. They said that's not good enough and I simply agreed with them. 

"You're absolutely right ladies. It's not good enough, it should be marked on the wine list. But I didn't know it was out of stock until you just ordered it."

"Are you the manager here?" A fat woman asked.

"No ma'am. I'm just in charge tonight, I take no responsibility for the restaurant other than getting you fed tonight and locking the door when I go home."

"What's your name?" She asked.


At which point another woman at the table chimed in with,

"That's strange, because last time I was here, your name was Andy."

"That's my brother." 

I don't think they believed me, but I gave them a decent deal on a much better wine than what they had ordered so they seemed to be liking me.

Which is understandable. 

I am a miserable git most of the time but when I turn on the charm I can be the cheesiest of cheesy waiters.

So I got them two bottles of much better wine at an incredibly cheap price and started pouring for everyone. I went round the table checking that they actually wanted wine and poured them a glass. Then I came to one woman who was reading the menu. I asked if she was having wine and she ignored me. I asked again and she continued to ignore me.

I then basically shouted "Hello!" 

Not in a rude way, just in a trying to get her attention kind of way. Still she ignored me. What a bitch! I left her glass empty and continued to pour for the other ladies.

When I got round to the other side of the table the woman who ignored me lifted up her glass and demanded it be filled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I did ask but you didn't say anything so I assumed you didn't want any wine." I said rather smugly.

"I didn't hear you. I'm deaf." She replied in her deaf persons voice.

I poured her her glass of wine and then announced,

"Well as I said ladies if you need anything else, my names Phil."

I never returned to the table.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

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If you do subscribe then one day I will take you to Vincents and give you a complimentary glass of the cheapest wine we have to offer.

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