Friday, 24 December 2010

No More Christmas


How's it goin? 

So Christmas is over for yet another year, well it is for me anyway. Christmas at Vincents this year was not overly difficult. 
Which was nice.
I only once reached the point of nearly quitting, which is impressive for me. Especially considering what happened last year.

I worked a lot this Christmas, which I'm hoping will give me enough money to get by for the next few weeks, as I plan on working very little. Partly due to laziness and partly due to school work. 

So now i'm done with working for a few weeks, all I have to do now is get drunk and take it easy. My family don't like me, so I don't need to worry about things like buying presents or helping with Christmas dinner as I have not been invited round. I find this makes christmas a lot more relaxing. 

So I shall spend this christmas just as I did the last, drunk in my house, with a bacon sandwich, several bottles of wine and the Doctor Who Christmas Special.

I'm the livin the dream!

A pretty sad, pathetic dream, but it's still a dream none the less.

Here are some of the highlights of my December.

It was Friday afternoon, and Friday's are busy in the restaurant in December, we do three sittings a day with at least 150 people a sitting. We had just started our second sitting of the day and well over 100 people were sitting down trying to order drinks. A slightly older woman came in and said,

"Hello I'm with Sandra, where is she?"

"Sorry who?" I replied


"Which company is she with?" I asked.

"I don't know, I'm with Sandra, don't you know Sandra?"

"Sorry ma'am all I have are the names of the people who booked the table and I don't have a Sandra, is she with Oil Company 1, Oil Company 2 or Oil Company 3?"

"I don't know, what about John? Is he here?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, as I said all I have is the company names and the people who booked them, we have nearly 200 people coming in this afternoon and I don't know them by first name."

"Well that's not very good is it?"

She then stormed off in a huff.


The next sitting that day I had a similar encounter, a younger guy came in

"Hello sir, what party are you with?"

"I don't know, I'm looking for people I know, do you know where they are?"

"Well who are they sir?"

"They're my friends. Never mind, I'll find them."

He then spent the next 5 minutes looking around the room to try and find them, then got a phone call to say he was in the wrong restaurant.


And then, once again, my nemesis returned to the restaurant.


I fucking hate teachers when they come in to the restaurant. I was promised after last year that they would not be allowed back. And they shouldn't be, 98% of them are fucking cunts!

Teachers always make the worst customers, I am sorry but it's true. I realise that there are exceptions to this rule, but it is true the majority of the time. Teachers constantly complain, demand special attention and just ruin the atmosphere, both for the staff and the other customers.

This particular bunch of teachers came from a local secondary school, they asked if they could pay for drinks individually, which just isn't practical in our restaurant. We have a service bar, not a public bar. I explained to them that there would be one drinks bill for the table, it was itemised so you could see exactly what had been ordered.

They seemed to think this was not good enough, some of them had rounds going on with each other. And they said that some people would not put in the right amount of money and say they did not drink these things. I suggested that if this was the case they should consider dining with a better class of person.
They simply could not understand how to sit down and have dinner like fucking grown ups. Perhaps it comes from spending so much time with children?

I once again explained that I cannot spare a staff member to constantly be running back and forth with change for people and that this really is the simplest way to do this.

Someone chimed in by saying,

"But what if people aren't drinking?"

"Well then you don't put as much money in. I honestly don't understand the confusion."

"We didn't come here for a maths lesson!"

"Errmm, it's really not that complicated, aren't you teachers?"

"Yeah but we're not all math's teachers!"

"Yes but you are all teachers, presumably you have a pretty decent education, sense of maturity, intelligence and the ability to count?"

This particular teacher just looked at me confused by what I had said.

They then complained about not getting money back for the people who did not turn up. I explained that it does clearly state in the terms and conditions that the money is non refundable. They complained again. It turns out Vinnie (the owner) actually knew one of them, and as a gesture he gave them two bottles of wine.

They then demanded MORE free wine. I pointed out that they were not entitled to anything and that was a gift. They then bitched some more. One woman in particular actually attempted to threaten me by saying that the whole table was going to get up and leave. I pointed out that they had already paid and if they did leave at that point all that would do is make my night a lot easier. She quickly shut up. The same woman approached me later, again trying to get something for nothing and she said they will not be back next year, to which I replied,

"I certainly hope that's true."

She looked a little shocked at my honesty, and asked for my name, I gave the standard response,

As the party was leaving one guy came up to me and said,

"For the record, that bill took 33 minutes to sort out."

He was clearly trying to have a dig at me, I replied with.

"Why? It's not particularly difficult."

He said I should have let them pay at the bar. I again told him that was not possible and that I do this three times a day, everyday for the whole month of December (a slight exaggeration) and I have done for the past five years. I also pointed out that every other table has managed to do things this way just fine. 

He then stormed off in a huff.


I very much look forward to receiving the inevitable letter of complaint that will come from these bastards and replying to it in a very frank and honest manner.

Last Saturday myself and the staff decided to have a well earned piss up. After work we all headed down to The Club and drank, and danced, then drank some more. One of the highlights for me was when Fiona the waitress came up to me and shouted


She was holding a half full bottle of Rose wine, and then proceeded to down it.

She's a classy chic.

Here's a video of us on the dance floor, my favourite part is when Gillian starts lunging.

If you can't see this video then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

When we eventually got home, Althea wanted to make snow angels in the garden, I have no memory of this, but according to this video, I locked her out of the house

If you can't see the video above, you're a moron! Stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

The next day Althea and I went to town with the intention of getting a burger and doing some christmas shopping. While we were en route to town Althea came out with some truly brilliant sentences, Which I have recorded here.

"I think my head is going to fall out!" 

Althea: Give me smints.

Andy: I just gave you smints.

Althea: Give me more.

Andy: Why?

Althea: To concentrate on so I'm not sick.

Andy: Fair do's.

A short time later we were on a bus en route to town for some much needed hangover food. The bus then started making very strange noises and we were both convinced it was about to explode. So Althea turned to me and said,

"Andy, if we die on this bus, I'd just like to say....... You're a spaz!"

Suffice to say the bus did not explode and we did not die.

And so ends another Christmas season in the life of a restaurant monkey. I sincerely hope that this will be my last christmas at Vincents, in 6 months time I will be done with school and most likely working in RS Mccoll. I bet they have an easier time at christmas. 

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice

Andy G

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