Thursday, 2 December 2010

Friday Night at Vincents


How's it goin?

Those of you who read yesterday's blog post, will know that some people have been saying that this blog lately has become a little too reliant on video's. Also that Jonny Mountain doesn't like short blog posts. Well Jonny is gonna be happy with this one.

Last Friday I had to work at Vincents. I had school during the day and work at night. My teacher never made it in due to the incredibly crappy weather we are currently having in Aberdeen. I went to work early with every intention of simply having a coffee and doing school work on my laptop for a few hours. I did about an hours worth of school work, then I had no choice but to get on with some restaurant work. If I didn't then the place just wouldn't be ready for service. It's just as well I turned up early cos if I didn't the place would have been a shambles when it opened.

Now I will admit that I am somewhat exaggerating in that last sentence. But not by much.

That night we were hosting "The Dining Club" which is essentially speed dating for older people. When they arrive they all get a glass of bucks fizz and mingle, then they all sit down and order a starter. After the starter they all switch seats in order to meet new people. Then they order a main course, after the main course they switch seats again and then have dessert.

I hate it. 

It takes AGES!

Fortunately I have streamlined the process. When we first started doing this several years ago the organiser would get between 40-50 people at a time. These days it's about half of that. So I get everyone to order all three courses at once and then just go round each table asking who's having what. A tad less organised but so much quicker.

The event itself is actually quite entertaining to myself and the staff, quite often the waitress's will have very involved discussions about who they think is going home with who. Which is annoying as they really should be working.

This particular night due to the bad weather only 20 people attended making my new express ordering service work so much better. Although I was quite angry that after climbing into the loft and retrieving and polishing over 30 champagne glass's, they won't be having bucks fizz. 

Couldn't have told me that beforehand eh?

Gillian even organised them into heart shape.
If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

The Dining Club has been coming to Vincents for years, and I recognise some of the people in attendance from the first time I worked one of these nights over five years ago. Maybe after 5 years trying this speed dating thing you should just accept your fate. You're clearly a Minger. 

The average age of people in attendance is over 50. One time a couple of younger looking guys turned up, they drank their complimentary glass of Bucks Fizz and legged it. Can't say I blame them. 

One particular highlight of the evening was when someone ordered a Guinness, this gave us a chance to us our new Magic Guinness Machine.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

Make sure you watch the above video through to the end and you will hear one of my patented chat up lines.

If anyone from Guinness is reading this, then I will gladly accept some free Guinness and/or Guinness merchandise to help you promote your wonderful beverage.

Due to the terrible snowy weather we lost nearly 50 customers that night.

I don't mean they died or anything, that would be a bit much. We had over 50 cancellations. So we had very little to amuse us, just the speed daters and a table of 16 who were mostly knobs.

In no particular order, here are my top three conversations of Friday night.

The Embarrassing Question

I was telling the table of 16 about the soup of the day and the specials, one guy at the end of the table waved me over.

Customer: Ermmm, this might be a bit embarrassing...

I'll be honest I was a bit worried at this point, why would a customer want to talk to me about something embarrassing? Has he shit himself and is after a spare pair of trousers? Is he illiterate and wanting a child's menu with pictures of the food on it? Is he maybe the worlds most polite serial killer and about to stab me through the heart with a fork? That would be embarrassing.

Customer: Did you go to Oldmachar Academy?

Me: Yeah, did you? Sorry I don't recognise you.

Customer: Yeah, are you Rachels Brother?

Me: Yeah.

Customer: Yeah I was in her class. Do you not remember me?

Why he thought I would recognise him is beyond me, When I was in my final year of secondary school, my sister (and hence him) were in their first. I didn't spend too much time with the first years, and by that I mean none. But I was working so I thought I better be polite.

Me: Oh yeah, you seem taller.

I got the impression he was after a free drink because he went to school with my sister. Admittedly anyone who is forced to spend time in the company of my sister does deserve a drink at least. But at the end of the day I didn't know this guy, so he gets nothing from me.
And why was that an embarrassing question?
Although admittedly I'd be embarrassed about admitting to knowing my sister, so fair do's.

The Phone Call

The phone rings:

Me: Good evening Vincent's Restaurant, Andy speaking how may I help you?

Customer: Hello is that Vincent's Restaurant?

Me: Yes, can I help you?

Customer: Vincent's Restaurant in Aberdeen?

Me: That's right sir, can I help at all?

Customer: That's the one by the theatre isn't it?

Me: We're not too far away sir that's right, can I help you with something sir?

Customer: Are you open tonight?

Me: Yes sir, hence the reason I answered the phone and you're talking to me just now.

Customer: I called this morning you see and no one answered the phone. So I didn't know if you were open.

Me: I see, well we don't open for lunch sir, so generally no one is here in the mornings.

Customer: I see. So what time do you open?

Me: We open at five o'clock sir.

Customer: I see.

Me: Would you like to book a table?

Customer: No, I was just checking you were open.

Me: Well yes sir, we are open.

Customer: Alright very good.


He hung up.

I Need A Taxi.

The end of the night was fast approaching and it couldn't get here fast enough. One of the waitress's asked me to call a taxi for a customer. I called every taxi number I knew and they were all fully booked. I told the waitress, who told the customer. The customer then asked for me to call back in an hour. This was at half past midnight. No way Jose!

I approached the customer.

Me: Hello sir, I'm very sorry but I can't find you a taxi.

Drunken man 1: But I need to go home.

Me: I'm sorry sir, I tried every taxi company I know and all of them are telling me to call back in 2 hours.

Drunken man 1: Well two hours is fine.

Me: No sir, you misunderstand, I can't get you a taxi in two hours, they are telling me to try again in two hours and there is no guarantee, and sorry but you can't wait here for two hours as we're closing sir.

At this point drunken man 2 joined in.

Drunken man 2: What?

Me: We're closing now sir, in two hours you can't be here because I won't be here, and no offence but I don't know you. So I can't leave you the keys to the place.

Drunken man 2: It says you're open till late!

Me: It is late sir.

Drunken man 2: Not to me it's not.

Me: Well sorry sir, it is to me and I'm the guy who has to lock up.

Drunken man 2: (getting angry now) That's bullshit! Get me a menu, it says on the menu open 5 till late! It's not fuckin late yet!

Me: You don't need to show me the menu sir. Who do you think wrote it? The point in putting late, is it allows me to close when I want to, as opposed to a set time. That's the beauty in it.

Drunken man 2: Get me a menu I'll show you what it says!

Me: But I've just told you what it says.

Drunken man 2: That's bullshit, we want to keep drinkin.

Me: I'm not stopping you sir, I'm just stopping you from drinking here.

At this point drunken man number 1 chimed back in about his taxi.

Drunken man 1: Is downstairs open?

Me: Yes

Drunken man 1: Fine then! Will they call me a taxi?

Me: Sir, you're not getting me here are you? I'm not lying to you, I have tried to get you a taxi but I can't, because of the weather all the taxi's are booked.

Drunken man 1: But I need to go home now.

Me: Then what good would it do me calling you a taxi in two hours then?

He then looked very confused

Drunken man 1: I don't want a taxi in two hours I want one now!

Me: Yes sir, I understand. But I just told you that I can't get you a taxi just now and that the taxi company told me to call back in two hours, and you said that was fine.

Drunken man 1: So you're not going to call me a taxi?

Me: Sir do you understand english? I have tried. I called every taxi number I know, if you know another then be my guest. You can go downstairs to the club if you want, but that will make absolutely no difference to the taxi situation. You will still have to wait two hours before they will even take a booking. Your best chance is to try and flag down a taxi on the street.

Drunken man 1: This is not good enough, I need to go home now.

Me: I'm sorry I tried, my job is to get you your dinner, which I did. I've tried to get you a taxi but there are none available. What else can I do?

The drunken man then put on his jacket and stormed out in a huff.


Eventually all the customers left and all that was left was the staff, and what fun ways we have to entertain ourselves. Watch with amazement as our head chef whips a spoon out of Chef Daves hand.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

That's All For Now

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G

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