The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy Part Two: X-rated drinks, a mutant cow and a bloody good burger!

Hi

How's it goin?

Previously on The Blog Of Andy G......

Althea said a couple of funny things, got her eyebrows done, and we had a Starbucks!

And now the exciting conclusion of......... 

The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy

Althea and I had just finished our Starbucks, and decided to face the inevitable. This was our moment of destiny, would we get to use our two for one voucher? Or would we be forced to do the unthinkable, and eat at Frankie and Bennys. A fate that no man deserves.

We slowly approached the restaurant. As we walked, we passed one of those smoothie places that have popped up everywhere. They had buckets of oranges and pineapples on the shelves as decorations.

Decorative pineapples, that's mental!

Now I'll be honest with you dear reader. I wanted to steal one of those pineapples.

The last time I stole a pineapple it was brilliant!

Admittedly I don't remember much about this night, I don't know where this pineapple came from, or where it ended up. But according to this picture I am very happy to have it in my hands. I do know that we were in Poland. And I remember that shortly after this picture was taken, Aders nearly got in a fight because he asked a girl if we were in a gay bar or a straight bar. Because it was a very loud bar he had to use the international hand gestures gay and straight.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

Unfortunately for Aders, the girls who he was talking to had a boyfriend, a rather large boyfriend. He saw what Aders was doing and got the wrong end of the stick.

We left the bar rather quickly and never returned.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand. As well as decorative pineapples, they also had decorative baskets of oranges and lemons. I suggested Althea cause a distraction by dancing in front of the staff and I would swipe the pineapple. Althea wanted to take the oranges and lemons. A debate ensued.

Althea said that we could use the oranges and lemons to make some drinks of our own. We could combine orange and lemonade.

Names for this magical new drink were suggested.

Lemorange?

Orangon?

Then I came up with,

Lemonge. 

Pronounced Le Minge.

I'm sure it will be a big hit!

In the end we stole nothing, as stealing is wrong. So you shouldn't do it.

Plus we were really hungry for our Handmade burger. 

We continued our slow walk to the burger place. Both of us terrified that our desire for a Handmade Burger would not be fulfilled. We saw no one at the front door. Surely this is a bad sign.

And then as the restaurant came fully into view, we saw.......

People sitting down!

YOU BEAUTY!

The smoke had cleared.

Never in my life had I been so happy that I could get a burger! We were sat right away and we began our study of the menu.

Althea is perhaps one of the most indecisive people on the planet. She looked at the various options available. They have over 40 different types of burgers, which is just mental. Almost all of them sound ace. A couple however do not really appeal to me. Mainly the Veggie options.

An Onion Bhaji Burger??

And Althea seriously considered getting this.

Isn't that just an onion bhaji in a bun?

Maybe I am wrong, but it didn't appeal to me anyway. I opted for the Blue Cheese and Bacon Burger and Althea eventually decided on the BBQ Cheese and Bacon Burger.

The only thing I don't really like about Handmade Burger, is that no one takes your order. You have to go up and queue at the bar, and pay in advance. Also when they seat you they tell you what number section you are in, and you have to tell the cashier you are in section number whatever. Then they give you a card to stick on your table so the waiters know where you are. 

Why not just number all the tables to start with? 

I can see the advantage of the queuing at the bar system from the point of view of the business. It means you will likely need less staff and less training. It's much easier to control the cash flow, and it just saves on manpower. But it is really annoying. While we were there a couple did sit down at the table not far from us without being shown to a table, they just turned up and sat down. They waited for a good five or six minutes before anyone spoke to them. This is not anyones fault, it's just how this particular restaurant operates. The couple were shocked that they had to order at the bar, and they just got up and left. It is annoying from a customer  point of view, the restaurant is making the customer do something. Something that they can go next door and they don't have to do. 

It must also be really crap on the staff for tips. No bill is payed at the end so no one is going to leave a tip, and to be honest why should they? Very little service is done. Yes, someone will bring you your food and check that your are enjoying your meal. But that's it. There is very little interaction between staff and customer. I did notice a coffee cup marked tips at the bar which had a handful of change in it, but I'm not gonna tip someone before I've even eaten. Which is a shame as I bet that very few people actually tip. It's a real pain in the arse from the staffs point of view. But on the other hand, it's probably not very hard, compared to other restaurants. 

After we had decided what we were having, I noticed the queue had quite a few people in it, so I decided to wait at the table until it went down. Althea took this opportunity to look at the menu again and change her mind a further 12 times. She eventually decided on a Chicken BBQ Cheese and Bacon Burger. As soon as she said this I immediately joined the queue. It was actually longer than it was originally, but if I went up now it meant Althea could not change her mind again.

I placed my order and handed over my voucher, I ordered a portion of fries, a portion of onion rings, the two burgers, a sparkling water and a diet coke. Obviously one of the burgers was free due to the voucher so the total was just over £17. If I didn't have the voucher it would have been nearly £25. A bit pricey but the burgers are good. It is slightly annoying that you only get the burger, you need to order everything else separately. So a bowl of chips cost extra. Granted everything is home made, and everything is very good. But I'm poor. They do offer a 15% student discount but I couldn't get that today because of my free burger voucher.

The food came within 20 minutes, during which time Althea talked about how she once attempted to beat up a girl by jumping on her feet. Althea then ran away embarrassed that she didn't know how to beat anyone up. I pointed out to her that on the plus side no one chased after her, as the girl had sore feet.

Both burgers were excellent, cooked to perfection and tasted great. The chips were also very good. As were the onion rings. Although we could have done with a few more.

As I said we have been here a couple of times before. Most notably was about a month ago when Ivano was home. And it was on the fateful day, that Ivano uncovered The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy.

When this video was made Althea was in a particularly bad mood with me. Mainly because I posted this picture of her on facebook.

If you can't see the video above, then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE! It will BLOW YOUR MINDHOLE!

And so ends the tale of The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy. Overall it was good. I will be going back. They have a loyalty card scheme and I have two stamps now!
Over all I give Handmade Burger....


One Thumb up!

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do subscribe then the next time I have a two for one voucher for handmade burger, maybe I will take you!

Highlights from the weekend.

Hi 

How's it goin? 

How was your weekend?
No seriously, tell me, I am interested!

Unless it was dull, in which case I don't wanna know.

It was another drunken weekend in the life of Andy G.

FRIDAY

On Friday I headed out with Rushton and Dave.

We started at the new Brew Dog pub in Aberdeen.

Brew dog is a local brewery, they recently renovated an old bar in Aberdeen and turned it into Brew Dog Pub, selling the beers they brew up in Fraserburgh. In fact they only sell beer and wine. It’s really good. It is rapidly becoming my new favourite pub. 


Myself and a couple of mates are strongly considering heading along one afternoon and working our way through the entire beer menu. (About 20 beers, one of which is 40%. That's not counting the 30 odd guest beers from all over the world, but that's a challenge for another day.)

Anyway, we decided to start our night out here as it was new and Dave had not been in yet. Dave being the legendary drunkard that he is, could not let a new pub open in Aberdeen and not visit within a couple of days.

At one point I over heard this converstion between a semi hot girl and the barman:

Semi Hot Girl

Can I have a vodka Red Bull please?

Barman

I’d love to, but there's a couple of small problems with that.

Semi Hot Girl

What?

Barman

We don’t serve vodka and we don’t serve Red Bull.

The girl had a look of confusion on her face. Obviously she did not quite grasp the concept of the pub.

Semi Hot Girl

So what do you sell?

Barman

We have BrewDog beers, some guest beers and wine

Semi Hot Girl

What kind of wine?

Barman

Red, White or Pink.

Like I said, it’s rapidly becoming my new favourite pub! If you're in Aberdeen you should definitely check it out! The beers on draft change everyday which is a nice touch, and they have all the Brew Dog Beers on bottle, as well as some really tasty guest beers from America.

As you can probably tell I am hoping for some corporate sponsorship from Brew Dog, or at least a free pint!


The night continued to another pub or two, then into a club. The night ended up with Rushton going home early cos he's a wimp, and me and Dave downing Jaeger Bombs!

SATURDAY

On Saturday it was a night out with Mark,  Aders Norman and Kim. Mark was also out with a couple of his workmates, he introduced me to them by saying,


"This is my mate Andy, he used to go to uni in Middlesbrough."


I thought this was a very odd way of introducing anyone. Yes I did go to uni in Middlesborough, but only for one year, and I didn't do much, and it was nearly 10 years ago.


I then discovered that two of the people I was being introduced to were actually from Middlesbrough. I politely shook everyones hand, said hello, and intensely guarded my wallet for the rest of the night.


We were going to see a couple of bands at The Tunnels in Aberdeen. This night featured the return of one of my favourite ever people, Drunk  Aders  Norman.

We knew a couple of the bands playing. The Deportees, Marks cousins band, were really good. Obviously I am slightly biased as I know him, but they were really good. Check them out on Myspace.

Another band playing were Le Reno Amps featuring Al Nero, a legend of a guy who we went to school with. As well as Al we bumped into a few old school mates and it was great to catch up. At one point  Aders  Norman was talking to Craig (an old school mate) and his girlfriend. None of us had seen or heard from Craig since we left school ten years ago. It was great to see him, altho I was a bit drunk. All I remember him saying was that he is now an accountant.

The banter was slow, and  Aders  Norman was struggling for something to say, this is the conversation which took place.

 Aders  Norman

So we were just in the bar next door cos someone said the 

Barmaid had the biggest boobs ever, did you see her? 

Craig

Erm, no.

Craig and his girlfriend just shrugged clearly not knowing what to say.

There was a silence, a silent silence, the silentest silence since the time I used the Polar Bear line on some hot girls while very drunk in a kebab shop.

 Aders  Norman felt compelled to fill this silence, he had to say something, and this wasn't regular  Aders  Norman, 
this was Drunk  Aders  Norman, and Drunk  Aders  Norman 
knows exactly what to say! 

Drunk  Aders  Norman then looked directly at Craig's girlfriend, he stared at her long and hard, a girl he had known for all of 2 minutes.  And then he said the only logical thing that Drunk  Aders  Norman could say

 Aders  Norman

Never mind eh? Boobs aren’t the be all and end all!

Craigs girlfriend did not reply to this comment, clearly she felt insulted.

Drunk  Aders  Norman then sat back down and told me this story. I of course told him I was going to post it on the blog, he then asked me if I would change his name. So for the purposes of this story I called him Drunk  Aders  Norman. Don't worry mate, no one will ever learn your secret identity.

SUNDAY

Sunday I was hungover. 

Althea bought a new toilet seat.

Personally it scares the crap outta me. (No pun intended.) I keep imagining something out of Little Shop Of Horrors. Have you seen Little Shop of Horrors? If not, why not? it's brilliant!

Also, on Sunday a game of hide and seek got out of hand when Ivano hid under the floor boards.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on Facebook and CLICK HERE.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then one day I will take you on one of my drunken adventures. 

Back To School: Year 2 Week 7; Sandcastles, Morons and Rock!

Hi

How's it goin?


Time for another retelling of an epic week in the re-education of Andy G. This entry is quite long, but as a little treat, I've included a couple of videos. The one at the end is particularly good. But you better read through everything I have written first! Otherwise you are a bastard. Sorry but them's the rules!

MONDAY

I did not go to class on Monday, not due to laziness, I was filming. The art students were taking part in a competition called The Big Draw. I'm not sure of the exact details of the competitions, it's got something to do with drawing.

The art students were taking part by building sand sculptures. Myself and my class mate Ian, went along on a chilly Monday morning to film them. It was a fairly easy job, hence the reason I liked it.

Here's a video to show my excitement.

If you can't see the video then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Some of the sculptures were really good. Some were not.

This was my favourite.

It's pretty cool eh?

That's a gant hand grabbing a tube of something. Anything with a giant hand gets my approval. Plus the girl making it was a hottie.

Then we saw this one. What do you think this is?

Whatever you just guessed, you're wrong!

Myself and Ian were equally as puzzled as I assume you now are.

We asked the lady making this what it was. She seemed angry we did not realise,

"Isn't it obvious?" She said with a hint of disgust in her voice.

"Errmmm, a chest of drawers?" I ventured a guess.

I did not guess correctly. This seemed to insult her further.

The above sand sculpture, was a pencil sharpener. More specifically five pencil sharpeners stuck together.

Obviously.

The five piece pencil sharpener is the backbone of the stationary industry. I can't remember the last time I took out my pencil case and and 5 piece pencil sharpener didn't fall out.

TUESDAY

Tuesday is my day off from school, but I thought I should explain the above facebook status updates. I received an email from my guidance tutor asking for a meeting. I had no idea what it was about. After sitting with my guidance tutor for twenty minutes I was practically speechless. Unfortunately I would not feel comfortable divulging what was discussed in this meeting. Suffice to say certain things were brought to my attention and the situation has now been rectified.

On a totally unrelated note. I would like to categorically state that I bare no ill will to anyone in my class and that every single one of my classmates are very nice people. I like them all an equal amount. And I am sure in years to come I will remember them fondly, as people I met.

On another totally unrelated note. I would like to point out that in this life, some people, although they are very nice people, they may have a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. Some people, are morons! Some people and childish, immature and a bit stupid. Some people really need to grow the fuck up. I'm not saying I know any of these people. I'm just saying that some people in the great big old world of ours are like that. And if, someone like that, for example did or said something stupid, I would make fun of that person for doing or saying that stupid thing. Because even though some people are very nice, they are also morons! Being a nice person does not stop you from being fucking annoying!

And I would like to think, that if perhaps I had offended any of these morons that populate the world, I would like to think that they would come to me, as a grown up, and say something. Just act as a mature adult. Ask me to leave well enough alone. And I would. I would like to think that if I was forced to spend time with one of these morons, through work or some other situation that bound us together through no fault of our own. I would like to think that they would not run off to someone and complain about me. I would like to think that someone would come to me as a grown up and discuss our differences and if I was upsetting them, they would simply ask me to leave them alone. We are after all grown ups, are we not? I would never intentionally attack anyone. Only if someone had done or said something stupid enough to be worthy of a witty yet slightly insulting comment.
Also if anyone had a problem with what I had written on my blog, simply do not read it, do not go to someone in a position of authority to complain about it. Just ignore it. It's not hurting you is it? And it's my blog so I'll write about whatever I damn well please! If you have a problem with that, then go fuck yourself!

But as I said, those past three paragraphs were completely unrelated to school, work or anything else significant going on in my life, just random blethering from your old pal Andy G.

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday morning I slept in, so much so that I woke up at 12:30pm and missed my morning class. Oops. So much for my 100% attendance record. Wednesday afternoon was quite a productive one for me. I wrote a pitch for my 3 minute wonder. I am planning on shooting a promotional video for the hotel that Bob runs on the west coast of Scotland. I then spent the next two hours watching other promotional video's for hotels and talking to Scott about killer ninja robots. It was fun.

THURSDAY

Thursday was another day off for me. I spent most of it in bed. I really am quite lazy. I was meant to be working, but I went in and Vinnie (the boss) was counting the wages. I don't think he realised how much I have been working lately and how much he pays me. He then insisted I have the night off. So I headed to the Toby Pub Quiz with Mark, Aders and Lee. Here's a pic of Lee concentrating hard on a question about elephant's knees.

It was great to see these guys. I am quite sad these days. I never go out to play. But that's not all my fault. No one ever wants to go out to play. Lee is frequently in Glasgow doing up his new house, Mark is enjoying married life with Kim, and Aders is often down south visiting his girlfriend.

Losers.

FRIDAY

Friday was quite possibly the best day in class ever, in the history of everything. Regular readers will know that Fridays are my afternoon in the studio and until recently we had been doing one on one interviews. Well today we moved onto music videos.

This is the first one we shot.

If you cannot see the video above then stop reading this crap on Facebook and CLICK HERE

I think this may quite possibly be the greatest music video ever made, ever.
After this we went on to shoot, a couple more with different songs and different people starring, and directing. This was by far the best class ever!
Scott (who made a music video for his film last year) was clearly happy with his performance.

Once again if you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE. Fucking idiot!


This was the attempt at the second track on the album.



I also had a go at singing, I performed "Afternoon Delight" by Ron Burgandy. One day if your very, very lucky you might get to see it.

Here's some pics from my week:

Apparently this sculpture was based on an ornament these two brought along, and was not a giant tattooed boob as myself and Ian thought.

 The lecturer hard at work making the sign for "The Big Draw"

Ian Hay, camera man.

Struan and Kev interview Maija about what she hates about Facebook!

Cat and Scott Rock Out!

 Here, Martin has joined them as the straight man. 

(no pun intended)

The group reforms but with Stephen as the guitar man

Struan and Ian hard at work.

And as an added bonus, here's the song they were singing. Recorded on my eye phone.

now this is the last time I'm gonna say this, but if you can't see the video above then your fucking retarded, I have told you hundreds of times, STOP READING THIS CRAP ON FACEBOOK AND CLICK HERE!

That's All For Now 


Until Next Time 


Have A Nice 


Andy G 


If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."


If you do not subscribe then I will put a GIHAD on you! DIRKA DIRKA!