The Tale Of The Crazy Waving Man

Hi 

How's it goin?

While en route home I had another incident on a bus where I look stupid.

I was sitting on the bus home, not really paying attention to where I was, when the bus stopped at the bus stop. As they do. Another bus was at the bus stop on the opposite side of the street and I noticed on the other bus, one of the waitress's from Vincents. I gave her a wave but she didn't see me. I'm not entirely sure why, but for some reason I took great offence to this. 

How dare she not see me when I wave to her from a bus on the other side of the road. 

What a bitch!

I waved more, and more, and more. She still did not see me. Either that or she didn't recognise me and thought I was some kind of nutter who waved at people on buses. Which in all fairness, is what I appeared to be. She did not see me for the whole time I was waving, however the bloke who was sitting three seats behind her did. And he was waving back. He was waving back at me just as furiously as I appeared to be waving at him. He couldn't have been waving at anyone else on my bus as I was the only one on it.

So here I was, in the middle of a "wave off" with a strange man. This man just continued waving. In reality it was probably around 10 seconds, but it felt like hours.

Have you ever waved at a complete stranger for ten seconds straight?

Try it. 

It's longer than you think.

And I didn't even realise, I was still waving. I stopped waving, which seemed to cause great offence to my new friend. He looked angry, and then stood up to get off the bus.

Oh shit!

He was getting off the bus, what if he comes over and sits on this bus. What if I've just initiated some kind of bizarre mating ritual I didn't know about. And it gets worse, the next stop was my stop, the stop right beside my house. I couldn't get off at the stop next to my house. What if he follows me home? What if he follows me home and just stands outside waving?

Oh crap!

I genuinely thought this guy was getting off his bus to come and kill me. 

Or rape me.

Either way it would NOT be fun. 

I saw the crazy waving man get off the bus and cross the road in my direction. Luckily my bus drove off before he could board it and tell me how he wanted to cut off my skin and wear it for his birthday. 

Fooking nutter.

 I stayed on for an extra three stops past mine, just to be safe.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will wave at you next time I see you. Promise.

The Tale of Last Wednesday: Interchangeable Chefs, Tchuechter Weather and a very strange dinner request.

Hi

How's it goin? 

On yesterday's blog post I wrote this:

Tomorrow I have class at 1:15, but I am gonna get up early and go in at 9am. I will not be stopped! I will be productive. I will have another awesome day!

Sadly not all went according to plan.

I didn't get out of bed until around noon. I really wanted to, but I was incredibly sleepy. I was at a sleepiness factor of 14, and as any sleep expert will tell you that's near lethal levels of sleepiness.

I made it into school for 1pm. And class started at 1:15. So that's something. 15 minutes early! Well done me.

Since I had not made it in as early as planned due to life threatening sleepiness, I was going to make the most of my afternoon.  I attempted to wrangle up my production team so we could have a meeting about all our various projects and where we are all at. This proved challenging, as one person was not in class and the other ran off to go meet some actors. So myself and Scott (Who did the fantastic "The Runnin Loon") had a chat about our projects. 

My second project, a cooking show, will be filmed the following monday. However Chef Dave from Vincents is unavailable, and time is starting to be a factor in these productions. I was forced to recast. This came as a great disappointment to Chef Dave, when I told him I recast I think he was close to shedding a tear. I told him that Struan would play the character of Chef Dave and he went nuts! The only person to play Chef Dave, is Chef Dave. So Struans chef character was renamed Chef Struan. I'm good at coming up with names quickly.

My classmate Struan has been in almost everyones project so I figured he might as well be in this one too.

So it was decided he would play the chef and teach us all how to make a cottage pie in front of a camera in my kitchen at Campaworld the following Monday.

Scott's projects are also coming along nicely, he has already finished one and the next one we are going to film in the studio the following Wednesday. He is doing a scene from Macbeth, but in space!!

Should be a fun filled Wednesday afternoon.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in the edit suite doing some more work for the hotel promo video I am in the middle of. Was a pretty good afternoon.

Shortly before I headed home I sent Althea a text asking what she wanted for dinner. It was my turn to cook so I thought I better ask in case I needed to pick anything up from town.

This is the response I received.

We had steak instead. It was easier.

I spent the rest of the night working on a secret project (all will be revealed soon, hopefully) and looking at some stuff on you tube. It was productive. Here are the top three things I watched.

The Tchuechter Weather Forecast

The greatest song in the world about a dentist

The A-Team opening credits, but with FRENCH LYRICS.

If you can't see any of the video's above then you really are missing out. I strongly suggest you stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE


The A-Team opening credits never had lyrics in English. Why the French would chose to make some up is just another one of the many mysteries that surround their kind.
Can anyone reading all this crap understand French? Can you provide me with a translation? I am intrigued.

That's All For Now 


Until Next Time 


Have A Nice 


Andy G 


If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do not subscribe then I will force you to live in France for the rest of your life! And no one deserves that!

A series of cock texts, a naked singer and a bus full of pissed off pensioners

Hi

How's it goin?

Last Thursday was a busy day for me. I had to go into school to do some editing in the morning. I can only access the computers in the morning as the editing room is booked for a class in the afternoon. This was a particularly difficult task for me, as anyone who has ever slept with me will tell you I'm not a morning person.

Just ask Jonny Mountain.

I've never slept with Jonny. He has tongued me more than once, and he does seem strangely obsessed with my cock.

See. 

I told you!
For anyone interested in Cocks, here's a video of Jonny in the shower.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

I really did struggle to get out of bed, but somehow I managed and made my way to the bus stop.

I should point out at this juncture, I didn't just get out of bed and go straight to the bus stop in my He-Man Pyjama's and my cowboy hat!
That would be crazy.


I had a shower first. 
Obviously.
You numpty.

I made my way to school and got as much work done as I could in the edit suite. I could have went to the library to do some work there, but I could just as easily work from home. There I could listen to music and have unlimited cups of tea.

Well not unlimited, I don't have an infinite amount of tea bags, or milk, or water for that matter.

But I have all that in abundance at home.

So I headed to the bus stop, jumped on the number 16 and headed home.

While on the bus I noticed that my i-pod head phones weren't working properly, I could barely hear anything. This was annoying, so I turned up the volume to max and I could just about hear the music. But only barely.

The bus was quite busy, there seemed to be a never ending flow of pensioners boarding at one point. And several of these elderly citizens kept shooting me dirty looks.

What the fuck is the problem pal?

I didn't actually say that, I didn't want to get thrown off the bus.

I was eating a subway sandwich so I can only assume they were angry that I was enjoying a delicious sandwich.

IN YOUR FACE, LOSERS!

Well I haven't eaten all day and I'm not waiting until I get home and I sure as shit am not sharing. 
So fook you!

Deal with it!

The dirty looks continued throughout the bus journey, clearly jealous of my sandwich. Fortunately my stop was fast approaching.

I stood up and made my way to the front of the bus, it was at this point I made a discovery. The other passengers were not jealous of my sandwich, and my headphones were not broken.


I am a fooking idiot.

I hadn't plugged them in properly.

The reason I could barely hear my music through my headphones is they were not fooking plugged in!

In fact they were doing a pretty good job of blocking the sound which was blasting out at full volume from my i-phone speakers, which in turn was clearly pissing off everyone on the bus.

And the worst part of it all, this is the song that was playing when I discovered what had happened.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

If you don't know what song this is, listen to it. As soon as it gets to 1:05, you'll realise why I looked like an even bigger muppet.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will get all of these fantastically embarrassing stories delivered straight to your e--mail before anyone else does. Isn't that lovely?

Sparky Pineapples, Crazy Cranberrys, and a Bitch Face

Hi 

How's it goin?

As you know Christmas is over, and that's fucking awesome!

This christmas at Vincents went rather well.(For the most part.) We had a good team, and we all worked very hard. We had several staff that were only christmas temps, but they were also very good. On one particularly busy day I even roped in four of my classmates to come and work for the day. 

During the christmas period, one slight problem I had was trying to remember peoples names. There were a lot of new faces, and it was very busy, so very little time for deep and meaningful chats to get to know them. At one point we had three girls called Caroline working on the same day, so when I asked,

"Where's Caroline?" 

It just led to confusion.

Thankfully I am a genius, how that restaurant copes without me on a daily basis I honestly don't know.

I gave people nicknames.

It was just easier than remembering real names, especially in the case of the Carolines.

So Caroline One became "Sparky"

I'm not really sure why, I thought it was a great nickname.

I was struggling to think of a semi decent nickname for Caroline two, then we had the following conversation.

Caroline Two: Andy, the woman on table 14 want's pineapple juice.

Andy: We don't have pineapple juice.

Caroline Two: We don't have pineapple juice?

Andy: Correct.

Caroline Two: So there is no pineapple juice in the building.

Andy: That's right.

Caroline Two: Are there any pineapples?

Andy: What? No.

Caroline Two: So there are NO pineapples in the building?

At this point I should point out that we were incredibly busy, I was running about like a mad man. But I found this conversation to the funniest thing that had ever happened to me, ever. This was probably due to my lack of sleep, combined with the ridiculous amount of Red Bull I had been drinking. It was at this point that Caroline Two earned her nickname "Pineapple."

However, the next day Pineapples nick name evolved. Obviously with it being Christmas we had turkey on the menu, and with turkey you offer cranberry sauce. So every time turkey goes to a table someone has to go round with a small dish of cranberry and offer it to whoever is having the turkey. And for some reason, I don't know why, every single time that day whenever turkey went out, it was Pineapple who was dishing out the cranberry. She became the cranberry girl that day. I did consider simply changing her name to Cranberry, but then I had a brain wave. Mix it up! You have Pineapple, and Cranberry, it's a mixture of fruits, it's Tutti Frutti!

And so Caroline Two, who became Pineapple, became Tutti Frutti. And within an hour that had been shortened to Tutti.

There was some talk of suing me for sexual harassment for this. I can't see why though. I have offered time and again to have sex with almost all of the waiting staff, for free. I would not charge them for this privilege. Yet none of them have taken me up on the offer. Yet.

I should probably tell you, dear reader. That I have recently started seeing someone/going out with someone/dating someone (whatever it is you crazy kids say nowadays. By someone I mean a girl. A girl who has probably just read the above paragraph and gone in a little bit of a mood. So for legal reasons I should point out that the above paragraph was written purely in jest. I have never engaged in sexual relations with anyone under my employ. I don't dip my pen in the company ink.

They always turn me down.

(Another jest.)

As I said we had three Carolines working on one particular day, Caroline One became Sparky.

Caroline Two became Tutti.

Caroline Three remained Caroline. (She was just a one day employee.)

Another nickname that emerged from Christmas was the one given to Laura S.

Laura usually works in the Club downstairs, but since we were so busy in the restaurant we put her hard to work serving tables. Her and her friend Katie work well together. Although I'm not sure if they actually like each other. Laura was constantly trying to get me to call Katie "fat." This is something I would never do as I have learned from experience never to call a woman this. It always leads to trouble. And usually a slap. Or a punch. Or a punch from her boyfriend. Who is angry as he has just realised that his girlfriend really is fat! Sorry for breaking that illusion pal.

Anyway, Laura S was constantly trying to wind up Katie. Katie said she was used to it because Laura S is basically the bitchiest of all her friends. Laura S seemed to take this rather well, in fact she seemed quite proud of the fact that she had been labelled a bitch.

And on that particular day, we had two Laura's working, Laura S and Laura V. So another nickname was in order. One that was accurate, and honest. Like a military nickname.

I came up with BitchFace.

Which she seemed rather chuffed with. So for the rest of the festive period, and possibly for the rest of there lives. 

Caroline One became Sparky.

Caroline Two became Tutti.

Caroline Three remained Caroline.

And Laura S became BitchFace.

I am very proud of my nicknaming skills.

Although they can get you into trouble.

Last week I was having a wander around town, checking out the january sales, day dreaming about actually being able to afford anything. When I saw BitchFace, she was walked right past me and ignored me when I said hi. It seems that Bitchface was a very accurate nickname. I shouted after her, she again ignored me. I was a little annoyed, how dare she ignore me like this! I walked after her, tapped her on the shoulder and said,

"Hey! Why you ignoring me BitchFace?"

She turned round and DID NOT look happy, 

it was not her.

I had just called a random woman BitchFace, and of course she was ignoring me, she didn't know who I was. All I was, was some random nutter shouting BitchFace in the middle of Primark.

"Shit, I'm really sorry, I thought you were someone else."

And then I ran away.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will give you a nickname!

My Name is Phil.

Hi

How's it goin? 

This is the story of a not very interesting evening at Vincents several months ago.

It was a quiet night, which these days is kinda the norm. We had about 40 people in. It was myself and three waitress's working. Generally being the lazy git that I am, I tend to do very little work. The waitress's will vouch for this. I make sure everything runs smoothly, check to make sure everyone is happy and if someone complains and asks if I'm the manager I always give the same answer.

"No. I"m not the manager, I'm just in charge right now."

It's very relaxing.

Also if anyone ever wants to make a complaint about me, I use a trick I learned from my days at Tapas Towers. 

I tell them my name is Phil.

Anyway as I was saying, on this particular night it was myself and three waitress's on duty, now I'm not on duty during the day so I turn up at 5pm and just start service, I organise nothing. Which is why the bar was once again not stocked up and the wine list was entirely inaccurate.

A table of 8 women had ordered two bottles of a South African Sauvignon Blanc that was out of stock, I went over and explained that we were out and that the wine list was wrong. They said that's not good enough and I simply agreed with them. 

"You're absolutely right ladies. It's not good enough, it should be marked on the wine list. But I didn't know it was out of stock until you just ordered it."

"Are you the manager here?" A fat woman asked.

"No ma'am. I'm just in charge tonight, I take no responsibility for the restaurant other than getting you fed tonight and locking the door when I go home."

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Phil."

At which point another woman at the table chimed in with,

"That's strange, because last time I was here, your name was Andy."

"That's my brother." 

I don't think they believed me, but I gave them a decent deal on a much better wine than what they had ordered so they seemed to be liking me.

Which is understandable. 

I am a miserable git most of the time but when I turn on the charm I can be the cheesiest of cheesy waiters.

So I got them two bottles of much better wine at an incredibly cheap price and started pouring for everyone. I went round the table checking that they actually wanted wine and poured them a glass. Then I came to one woman who was reading the menu. I asked if she was having wine and she ignored me. I asked again and she continued to ignore me.

I then basically shouted "Hello!" 

Not in a rude way, just in a trying to get her attention kind of way. Still she ignored me. What a bitch! I left her glass empty and continued to pour for the other ladies.

When I got round to the other side of the table the woman who ignored me lifted up her glass and demanded it be filled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I did ask but you didn't say anything so I assumed you didn't want any wine." I said rather smugly.

"I didn't hear you. I'm deaf." She replied in her deaf persons voice.

I poured her her glass of wine and then announced,

"Well as I said ladies if you need anything else, my names Phil."

I never returned to the table.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then one day I will take you to Vincents and give you a complimentary glass of the cheapest wine we have to offer.

Highlights from the weekend.

Hi 

How's it goin? 

How was your weekend?
No seriously, tell me, I am interested!

Unless it was dull, in which case I don't wanna know.

It was another drunken weekend in the life of Andy G.

FRIDAY

On Friday I headed out with Rushton and Dave.

We started at the new Brew Dog pub in Aberdeen.

Brew dog is a local brewery, they recently renovated an old bar in Aberdeen and turned it into Brew Dog Pub, selling the beers they brew up in Fraserburgh. In fact they only sell beer and wine. It’s really good. It is rapidly becoming my new favourite pub. 


Myself and a couple of mates are strongly considering heading along one afternoon and working our way through the entire beer menu. (About 20 beers, one of which is 40%. That's not counting the 30 odd guest beers from all over the world, but that's a challenge for another day.)

Anyway, we decided to start our night out here as it was new and Dave had not been in yet. Dave being the legendary drunkard that he is, could not let a new pub open in Aberdeen and not visit within a couple of days.

At one point I over heard this converstion between a semi hot girl and the barman:

Semi Hot Girl

Can I have a vodka Red Bull please?

Barman

I’d love to, but there's a couple of small problems with that.

Semi Hot Girl

What?

Barman

We don’t serve vodka and we don’t serve Red Bull.

The girl had a look of confusion on her face. Obviously she did not quite grasp the concept of the pub.

Semi Hot Girl

So what do you sell?

Barman

We have BrewDog beers, some guest beers and wine

Semi Hot Girl

What kind of wine?

Barman

Red, White or Pink.

Like I said, it’s rapidly becoming my new favourite pub! If you're in Aberdeen you should definitely check it out! The beers on draft change everyday which is a nice touch, and they have all the Brew Dog Beers on bottle, as well as some really tasty guest beers from America.

As you can probably tell I am hoping for some corporate sponsorship from Brew Dog, or at least a free pint!


The night continued to another pub or two, then into a club. The night ended up with Rushton going home early cos he's a wimp, and me and Dave downing Jaeger Bombs!

SATURDAY

On Saturday it was a night out with Mark,  Aders Norman and Kim. Mark was also out with a couple of his workmates, he introduced me to them by saying,


"This is my mate Andy, he used to go to uni in Middlesbrough."


I thought this was a very odd way of introducing anyone. Yes I did go to uni in Middlesborough, but only for one year, and I didn't do much, and it was nearly 10 years ago.


I then discovered that two of the people I was being introduced to were actually from Middlesbrough. I politely shook everyones hand, said hello, and intensely guarded my wallet for the rest of the night.


We were going to see a couple of bands at The Tunnels in Aberdeen. This night featured the return of one of my favourite ever people, Drunk  Aders  Norman.

We knew a couple of the bands playing. The Deportees, Marks cousins band, were really good. Obviously I am slightly biased as I know him, but they were really good. Check them out on Myspace.

Another band playing were Le Reno Amps featuring Al Nero, a legend of a guy who we went to school with. As well as Al we bumped into a few old school mates and it was great to catch up. At one point  Aders  Norman was talking to Craig (an old school mate) and his girlfriend. None of us had seen or heard from Craig since we left school ten years ago. It was great to see him, altho I was a bit drunk. All I remember him saying was that he is now an accountant.

The banter was slow, and  Aders  Norman was struggling for something to say, this is the conversation which took place.

 Aders  Norman

So we were just in the bar next door cos someone said the 

Barmaid had the biggest boobs ever, did you see her? 

Craig

Erm, no.

Craig and his girlfriend just shrugged clearly not knowing what to say.

There was a silence, a silent silence, the silentest silence since the time I used the Polar Bear line on some hot girls while very drunk in a kebab shop.

 Aders  Norman felt compelled to fill this silence, he had to say something, and this wasn't regular  Aders  Norman, 
this was Drunk  Aders  Norman, and Drunk  Aders  Norman 
knows exactly what to say! 

Drunk  Aders  Norman then looked directly at Craig's girlfriend, he stared at her long and hard, a girl he had known for all of 2 minutes.  And then he said the only logical thing that Drunk  Aders  Norman could say

 Aders  Norman

Never mind eh? Boobs aren’t the be all and end all!

Craigs girlfriend did not reply to this comment, clearly she felt insulted.

Drunk  Aders  Norman then sat back down and told me this story. I of course told him I was going to post it on the blog, he then asked me if I would change his name. So for the purposes of this story I called him Drunk  Aders  Norman. Don't worry mate, no one will ever learn your secret identity.

SUNDAY

Sunday I was hungover. 

Althea bought a new toilet seat.

Personally it scares the crap outta me. (No pun intended.) I keep imagining something out of Little Shop Of Horrors. Have you seen Little Shop of Horrors? If not, why not? it's brilliant!

Also, on Sunday a game of hide and seek got out of hand when Ivano hid under the floor boards.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on Facebook and CLICK HERE.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then one day I will take you on one of my drunken adventures.