Sparky Pineapples, Crazy Cranberrys, and a Bitch Face

Hi 

How's it goin?

As you know Christmas is over, and that's fucking awesome!

This christmas at Vincents went rather well.(For the most part.) We had a good team, and we all worked very hard. We had several staff that were only christmas temps, but they were also very good. On one particularly busy day I even roped in four of my classmates to come and work for the day. 

During the christmas period, one slight problem I had was trying to remember peoples names. There were a lot of new faces, and it was very busy, so very little time for deep and meaningful chats to get to know them. At one point we had three girls called Caroline working on the same day, so when I asked,

"Where's Caroline?" 

It just led to confusion.

Thankfully I am a genius, how that restaurant copes without me on a daily basis I honestly don't know.

I gave people nicknames.

It was just easier than remembering real names, especially in the case of the Carolines.

So Caroline One became "Sparky"

I'm not really sure why, I thought it was a great nickname.

I was struggling to think of a semi decent nickname for Caroline two, then we had the following conversation.

Caroline Two: Andy, the woman on table 14 want's pineapple juice.

Andy: We don't have pineapple juice.

Caroline Two: We don't have pineapple juice?

Andy: Correct.

Caroline Two: So there is no pineapple juice in the building.

Andy: That's right.

Caroline Two: Are there any pineapples?

Andy: What? No.

Caroline Two: So there are NO pineapples in the building?

At this point I should point out that we were incredibly busy, I was running about like a mad man. But I found this conversation to the funniest thing that had ever happened to me, ever. This was probably due to my lack of sleep, combined with the ridiculous amount of Red Bull I had been drinking. It was at this point that Caroline Two earned her nickname "Pineapple."

However, the next day Pineapples nick name evolved. Obviously with it being Christmas we had turkey on the menu, and with turkey you offer cranberry sauce. So every time turkey goes to a table someone has to go round with a small dish of cranberry and offer it to whoever is having the turkey. And for some reason, I don't know why, every single time that day whenever turkey went out, it was Pineapple who was dishing out the cranberry. She became the cranberry girl that day. I did consider simply changing her name to Cranberry, but then I had a brain wave. Mix it up! You have Pineapple, and Cranberry, it's a mixture of fruits, it's Tutti Frutti!

And so Caroline Two, who became Pineapple, became Tutti Frutti. And within an hour that had been shortened to Tutti.

There was some talk of suing me for sexual harassment for this. I can't see why though. I have offered time and again to have sex with almost all of the waiting staff, for free. I would not charge them for this privilege. Yet none of them have taken me up on the offer. Yet.

I should probably tell you, dear reader. That I have recently started seeing someone/going out with someone/dating someone (whatever it is you crazy kids say nowadays. By someone I mean a girl. A girl who has probably just read the above paragraph and gone in a little bit of a mood. So for legal reasons I should point out that the above paragraph was written purely in jest. I have never engaged in sexual relations with anyone under my employ. I don't dip my pen in the company ink.

They always turn me down.

(Another jest.)

As I said we had three Carolines working on one particular day, Caroline One became Sparky.

Caroline Two became Tutti.

Caroline Three remained Caroline. (She was just a one day employee.)

Another nickname that emerged from Christmas was the one given to Laura S.

Laura usually works in the Club downstairs, but since we were so busy in the restaurant we put her hard to work serving tables. Her and her friend Katie work well together. Although I'm not sure if they actually like each other. Laura was constantly trying to get me to call Katie "fat." This is something I would never do as I have learned from experience never to call a woman this. It always leads to trouble. And usually a slap. Or a punch. Or a punch from her boyfriend. Who is angry as he has just realised that his girlfriend really is fat! Sorry for breaking that illusion pal.

Anyway, Laura S was constantly trying to wind up Katie. Katie said she was used to it because Laura S is basically the bitchiest of all her friends. Laura S seemed to take this rather well, in fact she seemed quite proud of the fact that she had been labelled a bitch.

And on that particular day, we had two Laura's working, Laura S and Laura V. So another nickname was in order. One that was accurate, and honest. Like a military nickname.

I came up with BitchFace.

Which she seemed rather chuffed with. So for the rest of the festive period, and possibly for the rest of there lives. 

Caroline One became Sparky.

Caroline Two became Tutti.

Caroline Three remained Caroline.

And Laura S became BitchFace.

I am very proud of my nicknaming skills.

Although they can get you into trouble.

Last week I was having a wander around town, checking out the january sales, day dreaming about actually being able to afford anything. When I saw BitchFace, she was walked right past me and ignored me when I said hi. It seems that Bitchface was a very accurate nickname. I shouted after her, she again ignored me. I was a little annoyed, how dare she ignore me like this! I walked after her, tapped her on the shoulder and said,

"Hey! Why you ignoring me BitchFace?"

She turned round and DID NOT look happy, 

it was not her.

I had just called a random woman BitchFace, and of course she was ignoring me, she didn't know who I was. All I was, was some random nutter shouting BitchFace in the middle of Primark.

"Shit, I'm really sorry, I thought you were someone else."

And then I ran away.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will give you a nickname!

A Christmas Poem

Hi 

How's it goin? 

It's very rare that I post twice on the same day, but inspiration just came to me and I wanted to share this festive poem with you. As you may know, tomorrow is Christmas. If you didn't know that, you're a fucking mong!

I'm heading out tonight for a friends birthday/christmas eve night out with a few of my mates. Last year on the very same night out I somehow found myself in competition with Dave to see who could get drunker. 

I think he won.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my family don't actually like me, which is understandable I am a bit of a knob, so tomorrow I shall spend the day in bed, with what will most likely be a truly epic hangover. The good thing about this is, I can actually spend all day in bed. Not worrying about looking presentable for christmas lunch, or helping with anything, or buying people presents. So tomorrow, all I ask is that no one calls or texts me with stupid christmas wishes. I shall take it as granted that you all wish me a merry christmas. Plus my phone will most likely be switched so as to ensure that nothing can waken me from my drunken slumber!

Anyway, without further delay, I present to you:

A Christmas Poem.

T'was the night before christmas,

Andy went out to get pissed.

Tomorrow for lunch, 

he wouldn't be missed.

He'll spend the day,

hungover in bed.

Moaning away,

about his soar head.

So please don't text, 

And please don't call.

or you'll be the next,

person I maul.

So I say Fuck Christmas,

and I say Fuck you,

I'm off for a drink,

or maybe two.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice 

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you'll get all these lovely uplifting blogposts delivered straight to your inbox!

No More Christmas

Hi

How's it goin? 

So Christmas is over for yet another year, well it is for me anyway. Christmas at Vincents this year was not overly difficult. 

Which was nice.

I only once reached the point of nearly quitting, which is impressive for me. Especially considering what happened last year.

I worked a lot this Christmas, which I'm hoping will give me enough money to get by for the next few weeks, as I plan on working very little. Partly due to laziness and partly due to school work. 

So now i'm done with working for a few weeks, all I have to do now is get drunk and take it easy. My family don't like me, so I don't need to worry about things like buying presents or helping with Christmas dinner as I have not been invited round. I find this makes christmas a lot more relaxing. 

So I shall spend this christmas just as I did the last, drunk in my house, with a bacon sandwich, several bottles of wine and the Doctor Who Christmas Special.

I'm the livin the dream!

A pretty sad, pathetic dream, but it's still a dream none the less.

Here are some of the highlights of my December.

It was Friday afternoon, and Friday's are busy in the restaurant in December, we do three sittings a day with at least 150 people a sitting. We had just started our second sitting of the day and well over 100 people were sitting down trying to order drinks. A slightly older woman came in and said,

"Hello I'm with Sandra, where is she?"

"Sorry who?" I replied

"Sandra."

"Which company is she with?" I asked.

"I don't know, I'm with Sandra, don't you know Sandra?"

"Sorry ma'am all I have are the names of the people who booked the table and I don't have a Sandra, is she with Oil Company 1, Oil Company 2 or Oil Company 3?"

"I don't know, what about John? Is he here?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, as I said all I have is the company names and the people who booked them, we have nearly 200 people coming in this afternoon and I don't know them by first name."

"Well that's not very good is it?"

She then stormed off in a huff.

Bitch!

The next sitting that day I had a similar encounter, a younger guy came in

"Hello sir, what party are you with?"

"I don't know, I'm looking for people I know, do you know where they are?"

"Well who are they sir?"

"They're my friends. Never mind, I'll find them."

He then spent the next 5 minutes looking around the room to try and find them, then got a phone call to say he was in the wrong restaurant.

Muppet!

And then, once again, my nemesis returned to the restaurant.

Teachers.

I fucking hate teachers when they come in to the restaurant. I was promised after last year that they would not be allowed back. And they shouldn't be, 98% of them are fucking cunts!

Teachers always make the worst customers, I am sorry but it's true. I realise that there are exceptions to this rule, but it is true the majority of the time. Teachers constantly complain, demand special attention and just ruin the atmosphere, both for the staff and the other customers.

This particular bunch of teachers came from a local secondary school, they asked if they could pay for drinks individually, which just isn't practical in our restaurant. We have a service bar, not a public bar. I explained to them that there would be one drinks bill for the table, it was itemised so you could see exactly what had been ordered.

They seemed to think this was not good enough, some of them had rounds going on with each other. And they said that some people would not put in the right amount of money and say they did not drink these things. I suggested that if this was the case they should consider dining with a better class of person.

They simply could not understand how to sit down and have dinner like fucking grown ups. Perhaps it comes from spending so much time with children?

I once again explained that I cannot spare a staff member to constantly be running back and forth with change for people and that this really is the simplest way to do this.

Someone chimed in by saying,

"But what if people aren't drinking?"

"Well then you don't put as much money in. I honestly don't understand the confusion."

"We didn't come here for a maths lesson!"

"Errmm, it's really not that complicated, aren't you teachers?"

"Yeah but we're not all math's teachers!"

"Yes but you are all teachers, presumably you have a pretty decent education, sense of maturity, intelligence and the ability to count?"

This particular teacher just looked at me confused by what I had said.

They then complained about not getting money back for the people who did not turn up. I explained that it does clearly state in the terms and conditions that the money is non refundable. They complained again. It turns out Vinnie (the owner) actually knew one of them, and as a gesture he gave them two bottles of wine.

They then demanded MORE free wine. I pointed out that they were not entitled to anything and that was a gift. They then bitched some more. One woman in particular actually attempted to threaten me by saying that the whole table was going to get up and leave. I pointed out that they had already paid and if they did leave at that point all that would do is make my night a lot easier. She quickly shut up. The same woman approached me later, again trying to get something for nothing and she said they will not be back next year, to which I replied,

"I certainly hope that's true."

She looked a little shocked at my honesty, and asked for my name, I gave the standard response,

"My name is Phil."

As the party was leaving one guy came up to me and said,

"For the record, that bill took 33 minutes to sort out."

He was clearly trying to have a dig at me, I replied with.

"Why? It's not particularly difficult."

He said I should have let them pay at the bar. I again told him that was not possible and that I do this three times a day, everyday for the whole month of December (a slight exaggeration) and I have done for the past five years. I also pointed out that every other table has managed to do things this way just fine. 

He then stormed off in a huff.


Moron!

I very much look forward to receiving the inevitable letter of complaint that will come from these bastards and replying to it in a very frank and honest manner.

Last Saturday myself and the staff decided to have a well earned piss up. After work we all headed down to The Club and drank, and danced, then drank some more. One of the highlights for me was when Fiona the waitress came up to me and shouted

"LOOK WHAT I FOUND!"

She was holding a half full bottle of Rose wine, and then proceeded to down it.

She's a classy chic.

Here's a video of us on the dance floor, my favourite part is when Gillian starts lunging.

If you can't see this video then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

When we eventually got home, Althea wanted to make snow angels in the garden, I have no memory of this, but according to this video, I locked her out of the house

If you can't see the video above, you're a moron! Stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

The next day Althea and I went to town with the intention of getting a burger and doing some christmas shopping. While we were en route to town Althea came out with some truly brilliant sentences, Which I have recorded here.


‎"I think my head is going to fall out!" 

Althea: Give me smints.

Andy: I just gave you smints.

Althea: Give me more.

Andy: Why?

Althea: To concentrate on so I'm not sick.

Andy: Fair do's.

A short time later we were on a bus en route to town for some much needed hangover food. The bus then started making very strange noises and we were both convinced it was about to explode. So Althea turned to me and said,

"Andy, if we die on this bus, I'd just like to say....... You're a spaz!"

Suffice to say the bus did not explode and we did not die.

And so ends another Christmas season in the life of a restaurant monkey. I sincerely hope that this will be my last christmas at Vincents, in 6 months time I will be done with school and most likely working in RS Mccoll. I bet they have an easier time at christmas. 

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do not subscribe then all you will get for christmas is a lump of coal!

Christmas is over!

Hi

Hows it goin?

Well christmas is over, at least for me. Saturday was my last christmas shift at Vincents. Thanks fuck for that. I also finished school for the holidays last thursday so I officially have nothing to do until January 5th 2010.

I suppose I could do some college work but that would take up valuable drinking time.

So thats me, I don't really celebrate christmas, it is a load of crap when you think about it. Its just another day in the year to me. The best thing about christmas is some decent films on tv and the Doctor Who Christmas Special. Usually I spend Christmas at Adams hotel, this led to the story about me being The Drunkest I have Ever Been. Since Adam is away on the ship this year I have made big plans for christmas day, drink lots and watch Doctor Who!

Its the Tenth doctors grand finale and it looks AWESOME!!!

Yes I am a massive geek, got a problem with that?

I am very glad that I'm not working for the next couple of weeks. I do need the money but I just can't be arsed.

Workin in a restaurant at christmas is a bit stressful and a bit shit, even tho I'm not in charge I still got very grumpy at times throughout this season. This is my fourth christmas at Vincents, it wasn't the worst but I still fucking hated it. This is the one where I cracked. I resigned in front of a customer. I really, really hope that I'm not working there next christmas but i probably will be. In theory I will still be a student, assuming I haven't been kicked out or drunk myself to death by then.

There were a few decent moments this december tho. Gemma (the other owner of the restaurant) has decided that we will no longer be allowing teachers to come to the party nights next year.

THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!

Teachers are the worst customers. I am sorry but its true, your worse than people who don't speak english.

Teachers never spend alot of money, they usually leave early spoiling the party atmosphere, they almost always complain and they always want individual bills.

Teachers usually come in large parties at least 15 or more and they want to pay for there drinks as they go, they want to pay for there own dinner, and they usually don't tell us this till the end.

Occasionally they try to pay in advance, we usually try to discourage this because something will always go wrong. someone will change there mind and demand money back.

It's fucken retarded.

Your all fucking grown ups!!!

Start acting like it!

I think its because teachers spend so much time with kids, it stats to rub off on them. Why can't you just look at a bill and divide it up between you like fucking adults. If someone had more drinks than everyone else then they pay extra. Its not fucking rocket science.

And by the way, a standard tip in the UK is 10% of your bill, don't be so fucking cheap!!!

Oh and one more thing, this is not just for teachers this goes for everyone, if your ever paying in advance for a christmas do take a look at the receipt. When it says NON refundable thats what it fucking means you FUCKING TWAT!!!!

It doesn't mean you can give me a sob story about how someone got caught in the snow and couldn't make it, cos I'll be honest I don't give a shit!

Sorry about that, I just had to get it out of my system.

So, as I was saying,

No more teachers at weekends = Good times!

One of the drawbacks of having a very busy restaurant at christmas is the staff, with a place as big as Vincents its very difficult to keep it suitable staffed during the day. Most of the staff are part time and can't do the extra shifts around christmas. This means desperate measures need to be taken.

Agency Staff.

I fucken hate agency staff, 99 times out of 100 they are fucking retarded. I can't remember ever meeting a good member of staff from an agency. They are usually late, lazy, stupid and fucking annoying.

Another highlight from this december happened the night I quit. After I stormed off downstairs I decided to be a nice guy and helped clean up the kitchen a bit with Althea, around half 10 this guy came in and dumped his stuff in there ready for work, he was an agency guy but he was supposed to be there at 10. Althea asked him why he was late and he gave a bunch of different excuses. He was quite rude. It was at this point Gemma (the other owner) came in, she overheard what was going on and told him to leave. If he can't be here on time then he's no good to us. He then protested saying he came in early the day before and some other bullshit. He was told to leave and he grabbed his jacket and wandered off. After 5 Minutes Althea and I decided we were done cleaning and it was now Beer o'clock. We bumped into the agency guy in the hall. He was demanding to see the manager, he obviously didn't realise Althea is a manager. He was demanding to speak to Ivano cos he dealt with him before. Ivano had vanished at his point so Althea went a bit nuts and kept asking him to leave. It was at this point the Agency guy started claiming we were being Racist (he was nigerian). Now I'm not sure how this could be perceived as racism. Althea was asking him to leave and she is (in her own words) a brown person.

Eventually Ivano appeared and told this guy to leave cos he was lazy bugger. But it was definitely one of the highlights of the night when this guy called Althea a racist. When she is anything but. I can't remember exactly but I think she is half Ethiopian, half scottish, half irish and half glasweigan. (and yes I am aware thats 4 halves, she has a big personality.)

By the way if anyone doesn't know what Vincents is then Click Here.

Another good highlight of December was my Class Night out. We all had dinner at vincents cos I got it on the cheap and then went to Exodus. Was a pretty decent night. I left before 1 am cos I was working the next day but I should have stayed, apparently everyone got it on with everyone else. From what I am told it was like an orgy in Exodus. I wouldn't have taken part as I am one of the "older and more mature" members of the class but it sounded entertaining.

As I am sure you may have noticed the snow is falling all over the country, and everyone seems happy about that. Why?

Snow is shit!

its fucking freezing, it makes it hard to drive, the pavements are incredibly icy so people are falling everywhere.

Plus my flat is fucking BOLTIC! my heating bill is gonna be massive!

Not much else to say at the moment, as I said I am off until Jan 5th, so if your in the Aberdeen area do you fancy a pint? In the meantime I'm gonna try and do some work on my film, maybe catch up on some of the class's I missed. I was quite sick last week and missed 3 days of school. I'm still not feeling 100% & also seem to have trouble sleeping lately. Takes me ages to get to sleep and then I wake up early and can't nod off again. I have tried self medicating with alcohol but with not much success, I think its time to up my dosage!

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then all your christmas wishes will come true.

I am Unemployed!

The grumpy old woman has her turkey in front of her, she still looks annoyed.

"You can stop now because I'm not listening" she moans

"Then what's the point in asking then?" I reply

"This service is not good enough!" The bloke next to her chimes in.

"Thats it, I officially don't care, I resign, I can't do this crap anymore, I quit!"

I announce to the table.

I take off my tie and storm off!

3 hours earlier................

It's fucking freezing. I am currently walking down Great Western Road on my way to another christmas shift at Vincents. I'm knackered. I've done 5 shifts this week in that bloody restaurant. I use to work there 6 days a week, but I left that lifestyle for a very good reason.

"It's only for another week." I tell myself.

I keep wandering down the frozen pavement. I'm walking for a couple of reasons, first of all is to get some exercise, I figure if I walk to work and to school everyday it can't hurt.

And I missed the bus!

Little did i know this small annoyance of walking in the freezing cold would be the least of my worries in a couple of hours from then.

I arrived at the restaurant, took a look at the bookings for that evening and checked out where I would be working. Tables 1,2 and 3 with Gillian & Katrina, I usually take the order from one table and leave the girls to deal with the rest so I am free to help everyone else when they get busy. We had a party of 100 in from some oil company. And I hated them ALL. They were all rude, stupid, drunk and a gigantic pain in the arse! So many people took the wrong food. They ordered turkey and took the chicken, this led to chaos at every table because people were getting the wrong food and in some cases having to wait for a fresh meal to be cooked. This didn't happen just once or twice, it happened all night.

One guy arrived late when everyone was just getting starters. I went over to get his order so he could eat at the same time as everyone else.

"I am not eating." he said.

Perfect, thats one less thing for me to do.

10 minutes later I was walking past the table when he shouted at me.

"Bring me the chicken!" He demanded.

"I'm sorry sir?" I asked

"I want the chicken, I probably won't eat it but bring it to me" he drunkenly blurted out in a foreign accent.

"Your not going to eat it sir?"

"No i don't think so."

"Well I don't see the point in giving you the chicken just to look at sir."

"Bring me the chicken!"

"Alright sir, I'll put your order in now."

A few minutes later that table are all happily eating away and the chicken guy is not touching his. I ask the table,

"Hows everyones dinner?"

One lady points to the chicken guy but doesn't say anything

"Is something wrong sir?" I ask.

"I don't want the gravy, I didn't know it came with gravy."

"It said it on the menu sir."

" I didn't read that."

This was a typical example of these customers. This happened throughout the night. One woman said she had been waiting for over 2 hours and was ready to leave. I was very tempted to tell her to go. I explained that her table was the last to order so her table would be the last to be served.

As I walked away I heard her say to her mate,

"Last table, I don't think so."

So I went and got the order pads, all the waitress's write the time the order was taken. I took them over and showed her the times.

It was just a continuous flow of bitchieness from the whole group. If it wasn't one thing it was another.

And hang on a second why am I dealing with this shite?

I'm not in charge.

Its my only stupid fault for wearing a tie!

People think I'm the manager. Well if the full time manager is there then fuck it! I'm wearing the same uniform as the rest of the staff and blending into the background!

Another guy came up to me to have a whinge about waiting. I explained the same thing to him, and he had a bit of a go at me. It turns out he was the organiser of this event. It was the same guy and I assume his ugly wife who had a go at me which I detailed at the beginning of this entry.

Once I announced my resignation, it felt like a great weight had been lifted.

It was Awesome!

I threw my Christmas tie in the office and stormed off down stairs. I felt bad, so I helped out there for a bit. I didn't do much tho. I helped to move a table and polished cutlery for half an hour and the proceeded to get very, very drunk!

I waited for a couple of other staff to finish and we headed to the bar, I then drank a hell of a lot. I had beers, then shots, then more beers, then champagne, then more shots. It was here I took my vengeance upon the bastards who had ruined my night. They had a bar tab going. And they paid for all my drinks, as well as the drinks of everyone I was with!

IN YOUR FUCKING FACE YOU OIL COMPANY BASTARDS!!!

GO AND EAT YOUR FUCKING CHICKEN WITH NO FUCKING GRAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my 4th xmas at Vincents and I never cracked before. Christmas 2007 was the most stressful time of my entire life, that christmas was one of the main reasons I left that job in the first place. I said to myself then that would be my last christmas there, sadly I was mistaken.

This job is of course only temporary, its just to give me the money to pay my bills. I very much look forward to the time when I no longer have to work in restaurants. I just hate the public. I never used to. I used to quite like the restaurant biz. Now I can't stand it! I always worked really hard in every job I've had, I use to make sure every customer left happy, and every now and then you'll get a twat that you just can't please. I think that all changed when I went to Luigi's in New York. The customers there were just fucking morons. The food was also a bit shit but it was mainly the customers and the overwhelmingly large amount of arrogance they all had. It also didn't help when I moved to Edinburgh and started at The Tapas Towers. I really liked working there but alot of the customer were just fucking evil!

Fuck knows what I'll do when I finish my course, maybe get a job in Rs Mccoll. At least then I can read all the magazines for free, and the public are only in there for seconds at a time.

The top 5 worst services I have ever worked are (in no particular order)

• The Hairdressers From Hell
• The Seven Straw Incident
• The Night I Quit! (this story)
• Kevin The Chefs Last Night
• The Festival Weekend at Ottos.

I will eventually write a report on all these incidents which I am sure will bore you a great deal if you choose to read them.

It is with great regret, dear reader, that I now must tell you the rest of the story. And much like the ending of Tim Burtons Planet of The Apes. The ending to this story is also really shit.

I am right now, as I write this, unemployed.

I will however be re employed as of monday at 5pm. I am on the rota alot next week and I need the money.

I realise that me immediately returning to work at the restaurant I just quit takes something away from this story, but it's kept you amused for a few minutes hasn't it?

Thats all for now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to subscribe to all the shite I write and get it delivered straight to your inbox. Then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe"

If you do subscribe to this blog then I will spend the whole day sending you good vibes through the power of telepathy.

The Drunkest I have ever been!

Hi

Hows it goin?

I was looking for something in my old laptop the other day and I stumbled upon loads of old video's and photo's. Some of which I haven't seen in ages. I'm going to upload them all to my you tube account eventually, but I thought I'd share this one with you.

As some of you may know, I don't usually spend christmas at home. I was away on the ship for 4 christmas' in a row. And the past 3 years I spent Christmas in Edinburgh in Adam's hotel.

Adam was an assistant Manager of a hotel in Edinburgh, this hotel is not open on christmas day, there are no guests there, but a member of staff MUST be in the building for insurance reasons. So for the past 3 years Adam volunteered to do this so he could have Hogmanay off. Very sensible.

So every christmas I travel down, and we spend christmas day with a hotel to ourselves, with free run of the bar. Its pretty cool.We usually have steaks for christmas lunch because we can't cook anything else, (by we, I mean Adam, because I can't cook at all) especially after a few beers. And I get a massive big screen with surround sound to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special on. Thats one christmas tradition I never miss. The first year I went, our friend Ian came around half 7. The Doctor Who Special

just started and Ian came bursting in saying Merry Christmas and being all happy and cheery etc and I said to him quite sternly,

"Merry christmas, Ill talk to you again in 45 minutes"

And proceeded to ignore him for the remainder of the show.

No offence to him, but as everyone is aware, I am a massive geek and I had been waiting months to see this show!

After Doctor Who, we had a few beers and Ian gave us our presents.

Remote control cars.

He bought us all remote control cars!

It was ACE! we drove them all around the hotel having races.

The following year it was just Myself and Adam, The beer was flowing once more and Doctor who was again brilliant.

The following day, boxing day, is a bit hazy for me, I woke up around 11 ish feeling a bit rough. I headed back to Adam's flat as he had to work for a few more hours. When Adam got home later that day, we went to the pub and to be honest we were both feeling like shit.

We had a decision to make. We had two choices we could either finish these drinks, head back to the flat and put on a dvd and recover, or we could just go fucking mental and get our drink on!

Guess what we decided?

A couple of hours later we found ourselves in Finnegans wake. That was one of my favourite pubs in edinburgh, I was gutted when it burnt down. (I should point out that the pub burning down has nothing to do with this story, it burnt down over a year later, and had nothing to do with me.) Anyway, when we got there we were already a tad drunk. We decided to move onto spirits, we ordered two Vodka Red bulls and for some reason, I still don't know why, It was cheaper to order a double vodka than a single. Now this barmaid may have been lying in order to get us to spend more money, and it worked. We ordered two doubles and then two more, and then two more. After that things really got blurry. I vaguely remember myself and Adam calling everyone who we knew in common. So almost everyone who we worked with on the ship got a call from us, saying merry christmas and how much we love them, etc, etc. Thats the last thing I remember, and I barely remember that.

I woke up the next day feeling terrible. I had very little memory of the night before and no idea what time we left the pub. Sadly I had little time to recover because I had to catch the train home. I packed up my stuff, gave Adam a bro hug and headed off to the the station.

It was on the train, I was incredibly hungover and very bored. I did what most people do who forget to buy a book or magazine to bring with them. I played with my phone. I sent a few texts, I played a shitty game for 10 minutes, then I started to look through all photo's I had taken over the past few months. The camera on the phone was pretty good, it was a Nokia N95, Some of the photo's were quite clear, I was just browsing through them, not really paying much attention when I saw something odd, it was a video, but I had never seen it before. How did this get here? What was happening? Was someone making secret videos of me on my own phone?

Well in a way, yes.........................

If you can't see the video, I've told you before, stop reading this shite on facebook and click here.

Thats all for now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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