For those of you who were bored enough to read my post about 101 things you probably didn't know about Andy G. I thought that over the next ear I will expand on some of the points I mentioned. Today I thought I would tell you about number 96 : Andy G is famous in Quebec.
It was many moons ago when I visited Quebec. I was a younger man, with more hair and less chins.
I was working away on the floating caravan that is the QE2, The Canadian cruise was a bit of a bugger, it took AGES! And it was kinda dull at times. I was working in the Queens Grill at the time, I was working a lot for mainly pain the arse customers who I had for weeks at a time. The Canadian Cruise from what I can remember was approx 3 weeks long. We departed from New York and headed up to Nova Scotia. Nova scotia was kind of a mixed bag, most places we visited were small towns as opposed to larger cities. We had an over night stop in a place called St Johns. Everyone who works on a cruise ship loves over nights, if your lucky some of your passengers might not come in for dinner, and all the crew goes out on the razz ma tazz. When out in St john we didn’t discover that much to do. Just some local pubs who seemed to be quite excited by the prospect of serving newcomers. I don’t remember much from that night. I know we all drank a lot, and I know Adam & I stole a sign from a pub on the way back to the ship. Not a small sign, this thing was about 15 foot. I’m not sure why we stole it but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Several days later we made our way to Quebec. Have you ever been to Quebec? Its weird.
Everybody speaks French. What the fuck is that about??
And they don’t know anything about late night food.
After our first night out I stumbled into what I thought was a kebab shop. I asked for a kebab, he mumbled something in French. I asked for a burger, he again said something in French. I tried to recall my French from school, I then told him my name, my parents address and that Aberdeen was a very large, industrial and historical town in the north east of Scotland, as that was all I could remember. This did not help me get food. 10 minutes later I walked out of this establishment with a can of diet coke and a Baked Potato.
A BAKED POTATO!!!
What the hell??? These people have a lot to learn about late night food.
Everyone was excited to be in Quebec, it was a major city and we were there for 2 nights.
A double Over night! Brilliant! 2 nights out in a new city.
We had a great night out planned. After dinner service on board, everyone got together and headed out. Even the shoppies came out to play with us.
Being a Scotsman abroad I of course wore the kilt. It would be a crime not too.
However I must admit something to you.
Something I am quite ashamed of.
I did NOT go true Scotsman
I wore my boxer shorts.
Please try and understand, it was freezing, and I don’t mean just cold, it was literally freezing. We all headed out and hit a few pubs, I again had several arguments with French speaking barmen and they also got the same speech I gave to the baked potato selling bastard. It was the only French I could remember.
Most of the crew were heading to a place called club hell. It was apparently the best place in town. It was also the most difficult to find. I kept looking for a road paved with good intentions but had no luck.
Eventually we asked a couple of locals where to go and they were nice enough to take us there.
The club was actually pretty nice (from what I remember) There were loads of crew there and our group did the sensible thing and headed straight to the bar.
Several drinks later I found myself on the second level of this club, it had a balcony which overlooked the dance floor. We were having a few drinks and chillin out. When I noticed a few people on the bottom level looking up at me. I didn’t recognise them but they seemed to know me. I thought maybe it was just about the Kilt, but they kept staring.
Then I realised.
I was standing on a glass floor.
Everyone could see right up my kilt.
They noticed my reaction and broke out in a roar of laughter.
Then the chanting started,
“Off , off, off!”
They obviously saw I was wearing boxer shorts and deemed this to be wrong.
And they were right.
I would like to add at this point in the evening I was quite drunk.
They kept chanting, and I realised they were right.
I shouldn’t be wearing boxer shorts. I am fucking Scottish. I am an ambassador for my country and I must do my country proud. By this point there was about a hundred people looking up at me (seriously) so I thought,
“Fuck it!”
I took my boxers off right there, twirled them round my head and through them into the crowd. And they went wild!!!!
One lucky crew member got a souvenir of the evening.
It was at this point I got caught up in the moment, everyone was cheering and looking up at me and I got a bit carried away.
I lifted up the kilt and flashed them.
I flashed the entire club, there must have been at least 250 people there and every one of them looked up and saw me lifting up the kilt.
They all loved it. The crowd went nuts!!! (no pun intended)
It's amazing I didn’t get thrown out, I wasn’t exactly hard to find.
The next day I awoke very, very hungover. I amazingly managed to get showered and dressed and made it up to the restaurant to serve breakfast in time. But that morning something odd happened. As I walked through the bowels of the ship on my way to the restaurant, I got a lot of smirks and smiles and people pointing at me. One guy came up to me and shook my hand. Everyone knew about my activites last night. A hell of a lot of people I didn’t even know came up to me throughout the day and said they had heard about me. The rumour mill did its thing and by mid afternoon most people were under the impression I had streaked through all of Quebec.
I was lucky enough that day to have watch off. (This meant I didn’t have to work lunch). I finished my breakfast shift and headed to the cabin for a power nap. I awoke and decided to head into the city for a wander, this usually helps me when I'm really hungover. As I was walking through the city center, my head pounding, my stomach on the spin cycle, I stopped in a shop to pick up some pain killers. As I walked out I accidently bumped into two girls who were coming into the shop, I apologised and walked off, but as I was walking away I heard one of them say,
“That was the kilt guy!”
So if you ever find yourself in Quebec, ask someone about “The Kilt Guy” and see what story they tell you.
It's not my fault
I blame Canada!
If you can't see the video I posted above then its your own damn fault!!! how many times have I told you??? Stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE
Thats All For Now
Until Next Time
Have A Nice
Andy G
If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do subscribe then I might let you see what's up my kilt
Sorry I've just had a red bull and it's got me a little excited.
Your not an inconsiderate bastard, your lovely. In fact you are so lovely you smell like a meadow.
In a good way.
Now be warned! I've just finished writing this blog entry and come back to the start to warn you, gentle reader of what lies ahead. This is a warning from the future!! This entry is really long. Sorry about that, you don't have to read it, but maybe you should, maybe your in it. I thought about cutting it down and posting it over a few days, but i can't be arsed now. That would mean copying and pasting stuff and posting new stuff and all that bollocks and i can't be arsed with that. So here it is. The longest blog entry ever. Enjoy
So its been a booze fuelled week.
Sean The American was visiting from New York. I worked over there for 5 months last year. I'll be honest, it wasn’t the best. The restaurant just wasn’t that good, as you can tell by some of the reviews. But I made some great friends, the staff there were ace. We had a good laf, even tho sometimes they hated me.
But that’s alright, Im a bit of a dick.
Sean was one of the waiters in Luigi's and for some reason he seems to believe he is Scottish.
Here he is engaging in the age old scottish tradition of wearing a kilt and threatening a woman with a sword.
We've all done it! don't say you haven't.
Americans are just plain weird, they all think they are something else, they’ll say they’re Irish/Italian or German/Romanian when they are clearly just plain fucken American!
Bloody Yanks!
Anyway ever since I left NYC Sean said he wanted to come over to see The Bonnie Scot. I thought he was all talk, he’s never left the united states and If its your first time leaving America why come to Aberdeen?
But a few weeks ago he called and said he’d booked a week off work and could he come over to stay.
So on October 28th 2009, just over one year since I left NYC, Sean arrived in Scotland…………
WEDNESDAY
His flight was initially delayed by half an hour, that’s not a big deal, he was getting in early so this meant an extra half hour in bed.
My friend Aders, being the legend that he is, gave me a lift to the airport to pick up Sean. Thanks again for that.
I hurried into the airport expecting to see a semi drunken American wandering around arrivals asking everyone there if they know Andy,
but alas I did not.
The screen said his flight landed at 09:10, it was only 09:15 so I assumed he’s still getting off the plane.
A few minutes pass, I see some people come thru from international arrivals, my eyes are peeled but no sign of the American.
A few more minutes pass and still no sign, he must be waiting for his bag.
45 minutes later
I get a phone call
(phone rings)
Andy: Hello
Some Woman: Hello is this Andy Graham?
Andy: Yes. Who’s this?
Some Woman: My name’s Elizabeth are you in Aberdeen airport right now?
Andy: Yes, why are you stalking me?
Elizabeth: I’m calling from the immigration desk at Aberdeen airport, can I ask who you are waiting for?
Andy: My friend Sean, Sean Pogan.
Elizabeth: Ok great, he’s been held up here, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Andy(confused): why? I’m already in the country?
Elizabeth: I just need to clarify a few details.
Andy: ermmmm, alright.
Elizabeth: How do you know Mr Pogan?
Andy: I met him last year in New York.
Elizabeth: and what were you doing over there?
Andy: I was working, and drinking, mainly drinking.
Elizabeth: I see, and how long exactly have you known Mr Pogan?
Andy: about a year and a half.
Elizabeth: and how do you keep in touch with him?
Andy: on the phone and facebook, we tried using carrier pigeons but we never seen them again, I assume they are being served as main courses by my previous employer.
Elizabeth: Your previous employer served illegal meat?
Andy: No. That was a joke. A bad one admittedly.
Elizabeth: What is the purpose of Mr Pogans Visit?
Andy: a holiday.
Elizabeth: and what will you be doing?
Andy: drinking mainly.
Elizabeth: Drinking?
Andy: yeah you know, beers, spirits some incredibly disgusting shots that will probably lead to the both of us dancing like a couple of idiots in a night club somewhere.
Elizabeth: I see, and what do you do for a living?
Andy: I’m a student.
Elizabeth(sounding very suspicious): A student? where?
Andy: Aberdeen College. Why does that matter?
Elizabeth: So you wouldn’t be able to financially support Mr Pogan?
Andy: What? No of course not. I can’t financially support myself.
Elizabeth: Ok well thanks for talking to me, I'll try and get Mr Pogan through shortly.
Andy: What is this all about?
Elizabeth then hung up.
So approximately 2 and a half hours after he was due to arrive, Sean was finally allowed to come into the country.
Clearly he was knackered, but he seemed keen to start his vacation and experience anything and everything Scottish.
First stop on our trip was to Ma Cameron's, I’m told it’s the oldest pub in Aberdeen. Although that might be bollocks.
Since Sean believes himself to be Scottish, I thought he should try the most Scottish thing there is,
No, not beating up an Englishman
Haggis, neeps & tatties, and a pint of tennants.
At night we headed out into the metropolis that is Aberdeen city centre, went to a couple of pubs with Kev and Dave where the banter was in full force as you can see.
It wasn’t too late a night as first thing the next morning we were off to Edinburgh.
THURSDAY
Aders was good enough to drive us down and on the way we stopped for breakfast at the greatest restaurant in Scotland.
It was a long day and we had to start it off properly with one of the horns world famous Bacon Butties. It was also here where we introduced Sean to the wonder that is Irn Bru.
It's been 2 months since I left the capital & I was excited to be back in Edinburgh, as were the boys, see how happy they are?
I lived there for nearly a year and I never got round to doing any of the touristy things and it was good to see a few old mates from the Tapas Towers.
We went up to the castle for the one o clock gun where everyone, including me, jumped when it went off. I thought we still had 5 minutes so I had a good excuse. After the castle, we had a wander down the Royal mile where Sean bought a couple of presents and souvenirs, including a Kilt.
We then went for Lunch at my old work, The Tapas Towers. Was great to see my ex co workers, even the girl who hates me. (Ula, I know you hate me. I shouted at her once because she went for a cigarette when I told her not too, ever since then she hated me.)
At night we went on a ghost tour, it was alright. Not as good as I was hoping for, there were a couple of bits with audience participation and one bit where some guy jumped out at you but it was nothing too exciting.
After the ghost tour I had arranged some old friends from the Tapas Towers to meet us in the pub where the famous "we saw people shagging through a window" incident happened. I was hoping for a repeat performance for comedy value, but sadly there was no show that night. Phil the Magician of Tapas Towers fame was first to meet us in the pub with his Girlfriend. She asked us the greatest question I have ever or probably will ever be asked.
How do you cook a smurf?
What a brilliant question! how do you cook a smurf?
This sparked a lively debate regarding various cooking methods. I suggested boil them like pasta.
Someone said pan fry with garlic and oil, and someone else said my personal favourite,
Smurf Kebab.
Phil being the alcoholic genius that he is, arranged a small drinking game for us. He ordered an incredibly vile looking drink and placed it in the centre of the table, I wont go into the details of the game because I can't really be arsed. I was convinced I was going to lose and have to down this ectoplasm looking concoction, luckily I was second out which meant I didn't have to drink it.
It came down to Phil & Sean. The last round was tense, everyone was on the edge of there seats, It came to the crucial point in the game.
And Phil LOST!
I found this incredibly amusing.
The drinks continued to flow and the banter was top notch. It was great to see those guys again. I apologise to my Drinking Team Brother, Jonny Torpedo, as I got far too drunk and was in my bed by the time he finished work, we were meant to meet for a drink in our old local. sorry bud, I'll cya soon tho!
Sadly we could only spend one night in Edinburgh as I had to be in class on friday as its Assessment time at school just now so I can't afford to miss anything.
So first thing friday morning, we raped the breakfast buffet, then raced back up to the deen so I could get back in time for class.
FRIDAY
We made it back in plenty of time for my assessment (I kicked ass by the way) and Sean slept the afternoon away.
For dinner I thought I should introduce Sean to another fine scottish tradition, Curry.
We went to The Manzil on King Street. It was really good. was £12 for a buffet and was well worth it. We had 4 trips. plus dessert! I may use one of me 50 envelopes to send them a letter to to say how excellent i thought they were.
After dinner we headed to the pub and arranged to meet up with My friend Althea, her best mate visiting from France so I thought we should get the two tour groups together and have a decent international night out.
Witness Sean's attempt to befriend the girls
He stands nearby as they dance away, eagerly awaiting an opportunity to join them.
The Song changes to "Born In The USA" he see's his moment for glory and he takes it!
Within seconds Althea has forgotten all about poor Fred and is dancing the night away with Sean.
Friday night we also arranged to meet up with a few pals who were out in costume, they were all dressed up as thunder cats.
Why were they out on friday night you say?
Friday wasn't halloween,
your absolutely right, Apparently one night a year dressed like a twat isn't enough for some people. But to each there own I suppose. I'm one to talk, I'm dressed like a twat most days.
Goggs was dressed as Liono and was perhaps the more excited than anyone about this night, I think he should always wear his hair like that.
Ali also looked amazin, Altho in fairness he did cheat, he had someone professionally design & make his costume. Fair play to him tho, he did paint his body grey.
Stevo I think was the best as Tigra, he spent 2 hours before he left doing his costume. It was in my opinion the best. He won't remember me saying this to him on the night because by the time we saw him in espionage he was drunker than a drunk mans drunken donkey
After the club we headed to the always awesome Soul Casino, Sean had never gambled before so I thought it was about time he was introduced to evil game that is roulette. At one point he was £80 down, he did manage to win back £30 of that so he was only £50 down at the end of the night.
SATURDAY (HALLOWEEN)
So this Halloween has been drama, drama. Everyone is going as thundercats, everyone is going as cartoon characters, its a pub crawl, its a party at some club, it's a party at someone's house, its two nights, its one night.
Fuck sake, why does it have to be so fucken complicated.
In the end, some guys went out on friday night dressed as Thundercats (I still don't know why) and then we all went to a party at Goggs house on saturday. Some people went as thundercats both nights, I didn't dress up on friday as I didn't see the point.
Saturday night I went out dressed as my Hero
And Sean went out dressed as his
When it comes to Halloween, Goggs is perhaps one of the most enthusiastic people I have ever
met. It was him who organised our Top Gun night a couple of years ago, altho I think he did this just so he can go out dressed as maverick and chat up girls.
Fair play to him tho, as I recall it worked.
Anyway he has been the source of the majority of the drama surrounding halloween and the whole two nights as Thundercats extravaganza.
Goggs was expecting us around half seven, we arrived fashionably late just before 9. Some of the guys did quite well in there costumes.
I did feel sorry for mark tho, nobody noticed he painted his skin yellow for homer simpson till at least an hour into the party. The celebrations were saved by Stevo and his deck of cards.
We all gathered round the snooker table to play RING OF FIRE. This is a fantastic drinking game where every card has a different rule atached to it and it really fucks you up in a short space of time.
After everyone was chucked out of Goggs party at half ten, we headed to town. Visited a few pubs on Queens road where we were the only people in fancy dress and eventually made it into tow.
The city centre was HEAVING!! I have never seen town so busy. We waited about 20 minutes to get into espionage and about 30 minutes to get a drink.
After eventually getting served we were all keen to get to the dance floor. I don't remember much from then on but i do remember dancing like a twat, as per usual. Sean disappeared with a blonde. he told me he was quite keen to shag a scottish girl while on holiday, so looks like he got to check that off the list. I bumped into him outside and he said he was gonna head off with the girl. I reminded him of my address and sent him on his way, I honestly did not think he would be able to find his way back and fully expected never to see him again.
The rest of us headed off to find food.
SUNDAY
The next morning I was amazed when Sean appeared at my door. I was impressed, but in all honesty i was also bit disappointed. I had most of his stuff on e-bay already.
The rest of the day was a total write off. We were both asleep before 8pm.
MONDAY
So this was Sean's last day, I was in school all day so I left Sean to his own devices. We went out for curry again for dinner with Stevo & Nic and then out for a couple of beers afterwards. I think all the drinking had caught up with him.
Bloody americans!!
Thats all for now
Bloody hell i wrote alot there eh? i wonder if anyone will actually read all this?
I haven't written anything for a few days so thought i better say hello.
its been a busy week since Marks wedding. I was recovering for several days afterwards. I left my blond wig at my parents house. Maybe my Dad will use it. I've been busy at working serving tapas I've started a fitness regime, Michael Jackson died and it was my birthday.
First of all may i take this opportunity to thank everyone for there birthday wish's. Sorry i didn't reply to any to you personally but i'm really shit at getting back to people.
And now at the old age of 27 i've decided to start exercising. it all started a couple of weeks ago. I was getting very stressed and frustrated with a project and just wanted to get out of the house to clear my head. so I did something I have never ever done before. put on my trainers and went for a run. a proper run, for no reason and contrary to popular belief I was not running to make last orders at the pub or because there was a sale on at macdonalds. to quote Forest Gump "I just felt like runnin" i didn't make it as far as he did but i did go from my flat down to ocean terminal, which is 2 miles away. im not sure how i ended up there as i thought i was headin in another direction but thats where destiny conspired to take me. once i realised where i was i was annoyed when it started to rain. i thought "fuck it thats enough for today. luckily i had a tenner in my pocket, so I bought a bottle of water and a bounty bar and caught the bus home.
I've been out for a run twice since then, and no i have not got the bus again. now you may mock me for getting the bus home, but in my defense, it was raining and that is the most exercise i've done since......... well ever. the fitness thing was also partly inspired by Marks wedding. I was of course wearing the kilt to mark the day, and it was a bit tight. My kilt was a 21st birthday present making it 6 years old and it was a bit tighter than I remember. I have another wedding in early september and I suspect I will be the only kilted man there so I have to be looking good. No one is gonna wanna shag a fat man in a kilt, but once I've lost a few pounds and the ladies see me on the dance floor they will be queueing up for a taste of the Andy love!
As well as the running I also splashed out on a wii fit. I know this is not the most exact thing in the world but its cheaper than going to the gym. I'm working my way through all the exercises although I think its schizophrenic. One minute its saying I am a couch potato and next its saying I'm a muscle legend. Its weird because I am struggling to do one proper push up.
so Michael jackson is dead. I found out via text, all it said was "incredible news. its the day music died" i thought he was talking about this
I immediately checked online to see if it was true and sadly it was. it was on the internet so it had to be true. twitter was filled with tweets bidding jacko farewell. I follow around 15o people on twitter and almost all of them were saying rip jacko or quoting lines from one of his songs or some bollocks. At the end of the day im sorry he's dead. its sad when anyone dies. but has everyone forgot he was a kiddie fiddler??? someone told me recently that you should not speak ill of the dead. but thats bollocks. If someone is a cunt and then dies, why should my opinion of that person change, they were still a cunt, just now they are a dead cunt, which doesn't bother me. Hitler is dead, should we show proper respect and not say bad things about him? should we not make fun of his charlie chaplin moustache and the fact he only had one testicle?
Now don't get me wrong, im not comparin jacko to hitler, im just saying remember the facts. He was the king of pop and rightly so. He was an awesome musician but he was also very very fucked up. he looked like a toy. he was a very very strange man. That being said i would have loved to of seen him live. I still dance badly to thriller whenever i hear it.
So my birthday came and went, im now another year older but i don't feel any wiser. I share my birthday with a couple of friends, Martin, Aders and Jeanine. I wonder if they feel any wiser today? i doubt it, Jeanine is probably hungover from drinking too many cocktails on fire island and Aders is already far wiser than any man i know, just in his own unique way. My birthday celebrations started on saturday night after work. After cashing up the staff sang happy birthday to me which came as a surprise as i thought they had all left. they got me a cheesecake and wrote "happy birthday G.L.M" in caramel sauce. (G.L.M. stands for Good Looking Manager, i didn't come up with it, honest) After a glass of vino i was well behaved and headed home( this is mainly because i was skint). had a productive day on the sunday i did my wii fit workout, my wii fit age has went down by 9 years in the space of a day, i feel like a time traveller. treated myself to a new pair of shoes and then realised i still hadn't sent my mum a birthday card. it was her birthday 3 weeks ago. I always find it difficult to buy presents for parents. I never know what they would like. I got them vouchers for my old work for christmas as it was quick and easy. there should be some kind of shop for parents. Just head in there and they have everything that your parent might possibly want. After at least 20 minutes of searching the shops i gave up and bought her some marks and spencers vouchers. I wrote a poem in her card to apoloise for the card being late tho
Happy birthday Mum, sorry its late
how was your day? im sure it was great!
here's your present, sorry it's shit
from your "other child," the one who's a git!
I trust she'll enjoy that. so back to my birthday. After a power nap, the drinking team( Adam Jon and myself) headed into our nations capital for cocktails and dancing. the first few bars we went to were a bit crap, we ended up in element on rose street, its quite a cool wee bar and bumped into a couple of people from work. There we drank lots. Adam disappeared at one point. We were deeply concerned, then my phone beeped and i saw this picture.
Mystery solved.
more drinks followed then we headed to espionage to rock out!
I quite like the second level of espionage (the indie rock level) they usually play decent tunes and the drink is not too expensive compared to some other edinburgh Bars. At this point it became obvious that adam was more drunk than Jon and I put together. A fact he proved by dancing like a nutter while i held the drinks. I think this is the first time this has ever happened.
I left the club just after half 2 as i was knackered, Adam stayed on to dance the night away. I was gutted that cafe picantes(the local kebab shop) was closed i went home and attempted to cook but then remembered i cant. I put a couple of pasties in the oven but forgot to set the timer, i woke up nearly 2 hours later and ate half of a very burnt chicken and mushroom pasty. it was minging!
so that was my birthday Im off on tuesday and i might go to the zoo, I've lived in edinburgh for 8 months now and i still haven't gone to the zoo. thats just wrong. I wonder how much it is to buy a monkey? So now im 27, that seems an odd age to be, i suppose now im technically in my late twenties. and in 2 months im goin back to college and probably be in a class filled with 17 and 18 year old little shits who think they are ace cos they aren't at school. O dear what have i let myself in for.
well thats all from me for now. thanks again for all the birthday wishes. hope all is cool with you wherever you happen to be in the world.
this blog was written whilst listening to the sounds of chameleon circuit, which is without a doubt the geekiest thing i have ever done, but the tunes are good. check them out at http://www.myspace.com/chameleoncircuitmusic
until next time
be cool
Cya
Andy G
p.s. if anyone actually does read the crap that i'm writing you can subscribe through this website.
