I think I'm getting married

Hi.

Hows it goin?

Someone commented to me lately that this blog is meant to be "The Drunken adventures of a mature student" and i haven't talked about any drunken escapades lately.

I decided to remedy that.

As some of you will know I recently tried to give up drinking until December.

Well last night I fell off the wagon. Well maybe not fell off, so much as jumped off.

I willfully jumped off the wagon into a pool of drunkenness and it was wonderful.

It occurs to me that I have mentioned the restaurant where I work a few times in the past and no doubt will continue to do so in the future. Just as I did with The Tapas Towers, I feel should give the restaurant a suitable pseudonym, other than "The Restaurant." So henceforth The Restaurant which is good enough to employ me on a part time basis which allows me to take out all my frustrations on all the incredibly stupid customers who I am fairly certain get more irritating as life goes on, shall be known as Vincents. After the owner Vinnie. The owners name is not Vinnie but this is something Adam came up with a few years ago after meeting him. He said he seems like a Vinnie. Which in some respects he does.

So last night was just another fun filled friday night at Vincents, We had a large party of norweigans who took up most of my time. We get a shit load of Norski's in Vincents, I'm fairly certain that we are the unofficial norweigan embassy in Aberdeen. It's good business i suppose but 9 times out of 10 they are always so fucken rude. One guy clicked his fingers at me last night. I asked him if he was looking for his dog and then i left him to it.

Now good reader, you are obviously an incredibly wise and intelligent person, this is obvious because you have chosen to read my blog. Let me tell you this, NEVER EVER click your fingers or whistle to get attention in a restaurant. You will be ignored, or if your not ignored then more than likely something unpleasant will happen to your food.

I have never sabotaged a meal or drink in any restaurant i have worked in, but i know plenty of people who have.

Have you ever seen the movie Waiting. It's brilliant. buy it right now!

It will show what some waiters are really like. I have heard stories from friends about almost identical things that happen in this movie.

Anyway, I digress.

Back to last night.

I wasn't planning on drinking, it just sort of happened. I initially stopped because when Sean was visiting i was drunk every day. So i stopped altogether and life was just dull. so last night after work i thought FUCK IT! lets go get fucked up! This was also inspired by Ian the new manager at Vincents insisting we have a bottle of wine with our staff meal after work, by insisting i mean suggesting. So we drank that between 3 of us and then headed down to the club below Vincents, it was bollywood night. It wasn't very busy but there were a few hotties in, and the girls on the dance floor were going mental! I mean proper mental. I don't mean insane mental, I mean dancing mental (just so we're clear). I talked before about my friend Ian from edinburgh, when he came up to help me move my stuff to aberdeen, I discovered that he's got more moves than my friend Marks bowels after a curry, well sorry mate, I don't think you could keep up with these girls.

So after a couple of ciders (i'm told there less fattening) I decided to head home. But as i was leaving i remembered something, something my partially drunk brain thought was very, very important.

Earlier that day i got a text from my mate Nick asking if I wanted to come round to his house for a few drinks and then head into town. I was forced to say no because i was working, but surely everyone else can't be working. They all have "proper jobs" where they don't have to work on friday nights. I fired off a few texts.

"anyone out tonight?"

The always sarcy bugger Dave simply replied "yes"

I eventually discovered the boys were indeed out on the razz ma tazz and we arranged to meet in Espionage.

Now there has always been a problem with me working in the restaurant then going out after. I might finish work around 11:30 and have a beer or 2 when im done, but by this point all the boys have been drinking for 3 and a bit hours. So when I eventually met them they were all truly buckled and i was only tipsy.

Nick in particular was truly out of it. Nick was out with his fiancee Karen and one of her mates, a blond girl. A couple of the guys were sleazing on her like there was no tomorrow. Goggs at one point seemed quite chuffed with himself when he had been talking to her for 5 minutes straight and she hadn't run away. The look on her face however told another story. Now I don't know if it was deliberate or not, but for some reason, Goggs poured some of his drink down blondies top. No one knows why. He spilt some down her and then turned to face us with a massive grin on his face. He seemed quite chuffed with his actions. I think he may have been trying to initiate some kind of tribal mating custom. I don't think he pulled her, good on him for trying an original approach tho. It was good night, even tho I'm not working as much, i am still not going out enough, this is mainly due to funds, but fuck it. Might as well be like every there student out there and get into shitload of debt. Another highlight of last night was getting to see Drunk Aders, Drunk Aders is perhaps one of my favourite people. He is highly entertaining while intoxicated. At one point during the evening he said pulled me over saying he needed to tell me a secret. I'm always one for a bit of gossip so leaned over, fully expecting him to tell me he's coming out of the closet or he is secretly in love with a goat or something of equal interest.

"i think i'm a little bit drunk."

Well I'm lad he told me because at this point i hadn't noticed, I thought all the struggling to stand up and slurring of words was a medical condition.

by this point it was around 1:30 am, and i was starting to catch up with everyone (drunkenness wise) and i got a phone call. Now its not unusual for me to get a phone call at half one in the morning when you knows as many drunkards as I do, but oddly the number was withheld.

I couldn't hear a thing down the phone. I moved to a quieter area and still couldn't hear anything. it was a bit of a bad line, this added to the fact i was in a night club and i was a tad drunk did not equal an intelligent conversation. I could barely make out what they were saying.

it sounded like a woman, she sounded foreign, but i couldn't tell where from. i asked who she was and the line kept crackling and i couldn't hear her response. I thought maybe it was my friend Caryn from south africa, I havent heard from her in ages.

"CARYN IS THAT YOU?" i screamed down the phone.

I just couldn't make out what she was saying.

I don't think it was her.

i heard her say "Andy Graham" so obviously she has the right number, and i heard her say something about Aberdeen college, thought it was one of my classmates, i shouted a few of there names down the phone but i couldn't hear the response.

I apologised alot and explained i couldn't hear them, i suppose i could have walked outside the club to talk to them in a much quieter place, but bugger that. It was raining outside and i had a drink in my hand.

"I'm really sorry i can't understand you, its a really bad line. If i know you i'm sure I love you very much and i will talk to you again soon."

This seemed to get there attention

I could barely hear her say "you love me?"

I shouted down the phone

"i'm sure if i know you then hell yeah probably love you, but if this is a wrong number then i probably don't, no offence"

and then i am 99% certain she asked if i wanted to marry her.

"that means you'll fuck me right?"

I couldn't hear the response, i can only assume it was yes.

I hope she's not fat.

So i think i said i would marry her. I only wish I knew who it was.

so if my fiancee is out there, maybe try giving me another call, and letting me know your name, and letting me know whether or not you are a minger, if you are then the wedding is probably off. Ill still have the stag do tho. Adam of course would be the best man, he's had the speech planned for years. And I his. The best thing about my speech for Adams wedding is it is almost identical to his eulogy (i think thats how you spell it, im not a eugoogliser).

"I can't believe Adam is married/ is dead" (delete as appropriate)

In other news the hunt for Dave Bailey continues, So far I have learned that he is not in greece and that everyone agrees he is a fucking legend.

Here's one of my favourite songs which i think all the boys from last night can relate to

If you can't see any of the videos on this page then stop reading this crap on facebook and go here

There was no real point to this blog entry, in all honesty i am just killing time while i wait for the Latest episode of Stargate Universe to download, have you been watching it? its fucken brilliant!

Thats all for now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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Your life might just depend on it!

American Idiot? AKA The Longest Entry EVER!

Hi

Hows it goin?

I'm good, thanks for asking,

Oh hang on a minute,

you didn't!!

You inconsiderate BASTARD!

Sorry I've just had a red bull and it's got me a little excited.

Your not an inconsiderate bastard, your lovely. In fact you are so lovely you smell like a meadow.

In a good way.

Now be warned! I've just finished writing this blog entry and come back to the start to warn you, gentle reader of what lies ahead. This is a warning from the future!! This entry is really long. Sorry about that, you don't have to read it, but maybe you should, maybe your in it. I thought about cutting it down and posting it over a few days, but i can't be arsed now. That would mean copying and pasting stuff and posting new stuff and all that bollocks and i can't be arsed with that. So here it is. The longest blog entry ever. Enjoy

So its been a booze fuelled week.

Sean The American was visiting from New York. I worked over there for 5 months last year. I'll be honest, it wasn’t the best. The restaurant just wasn’t that good, as you can tell by some of the reviews. But I made some great friends, the staff there were ace. We had a good laf, even tho sometimes they hated me.

But that’s alright, Im a bit of a dick.

Sean was one of the waiters in Luigi's and for some reason he seems to believe he is Scottish.

Here he is engaging in the age old scottish tradition of wearing a kilt and threatening a woman with a sword.

We've all done it! don't say you haven't.

Americans are just plain weird, they all think they are something else, they’ll say they’re Irish/Italian or German/Romanian when they are clearly just plain fucken American!

Bloody Yanks!

Anyway ever since I left NYC Sean said he wanted to come over to see The Bonnie Scot. I thought he was all talk, he’s never left the united states and If its your first time leaving America why come to Aberdeen?

But a few weeks ago he called and said he’d booked a week off work and could he come over to stay.

So on October 28^th 2009, just over one year since I left NYC, Sean arrived in Scotland…………

WEDNESDAY

His flight was initially delayed by half an hour, that’s not a big deal, he was getting in early so this meant an extra half hour in bed.

My friend Aders, being the legend that he is, gave me a lift to the airport to pick up Sean. Thanks again for that.

I hurried into the airport expecting to see a semi drunken American wandering around arrivals asking everyone there if they know Andy,

but alas I did not.

The screen said his flight landed at 09:10, it was only 09:15 so I assumed he’s still getting off the plane.

A few minutes pass, I see some people come thru from international arrivals, my eyes are peeled but no sign of the American.

A few more minutes pass and still no sign, he must be waiting for his bag.

45 minutes later

I get a phone call

(phone rings)

Andy: Hello

Some Woman: Hello is this Andy Graham?

Andy: Yes. Who’s this?

Some Woman: My name’s Elizabeth are you in Aberdeen airport right now?

Andy: Yes, why are you stalking me?

Elizabeth: I’m calling from the immigration desk at Aberdeen airport, can I ask who you are waiting for?

Andy: My friend Sean, Sean Pogan.

Elizabeth: Ok great, he’s been held up here, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Andy(confused): why? I’m already in the country?

Elizabeth: I just need to clarify a few details.

Andy: ermmmm, alright.

Elizabeth: How do you know Mr Pogan?

Andy: I met him last year in New York.

Elizabeth: and what were you doing over there?

Andy: I was working, and drinking, mainly drinking.

Elizabeth: I see, and how long exactly have you known Mr Pogan?

Andy: about a year and a half.

Elizabeth: and how do you keep in touch with him?

Andy: on the phone and facebook, we tried using carrier pigeons but we never seen them again, I assume they are being served as main courses by my previous employer.

Elizabeth: Your previous employer served illegal meat?

Andy: No. That was a joke. A bad one admittedly.

Elizabeth: What is the purpose of Mr Pogans Visit?

Andy: a holiday.

Elizabeth: and what will you be doing?

Andy: drinking mainly.

Elizabeth: Drinking?

Andy: yeah you know, beers, spirits some incredibly disgusting shots that will probably lead to the both of us dancing like a couple of idiots in a night club somewhere.

Elizabeth: I see, and what do you do for a living?

Andy: I’m a student.

Elizabeth(sounding very suspicious): A student? where?

Andy: Aberdeen College. Why does that matter?

Elizabeth: So you wouldn’t be able to financially support Mr Pogan?

Andy: What? No of course not. I can’t financially support myself.

Elizabeth: Ok well thanks for talking to me, I'll try and get Mr Pogan through shortly.

Andy: What is this all about?

Elizabeth then hung up.

So approximately 2 and a half hours after he was due to arrive, Sean was finally allowed to come into the country.

Clearly he was knackered, but he seemed keen to start his vacation and experience anything and everything Scottish.

First stop on our trip was to Ma Cameron's, I’m told it’s the oldest pub in Aberdeen. Although that might be bollocks.

Since Sean believes himself to be Scottish, I thought he should try the most Scottish thing there is,

No, not beating up an Englishman

Haggis, neeps & tatties, and a pint of tennants.

At night we headed out into the metropolis that is Aberdeen city centre, went to a couple of pubs with Kev and Dave where the banter was in full force as you can see.

It wasn’t too late a night as first thing the next morning we were off to Edinburgh.

THURSDAY

Aders was good enough to drive us down and on the way we stopped for breakfast at the greatest restaurant in Scotland.

It was a long day and we had to start it off properly with one of the horns world famous Bacon Butties. It was also here where we introduced Sean to the wonder that is Irn Bru.

It's been 2 months since I left the capital & I was excited to be back in Edinburgh, as were the boys, see how happy they are?

I lived there for nearly a year and I never got round to doing any of the touristy things and it was good to see a few old mates from the Tapas Towers.

We went up to the castle for the one o clock gun where everyone, including me, jumped when it went off. I thought we still had 5 minutes so I had a good excuse. After the castle, we had a wander down the Royal mile where Sean bought a couple of presents and souvenirs, including a Kilt.

We then went for Lunch at my old work, The Tapas Towers. Was great to see my ex co workers, even the girl who hates me. (Ula, I know you hate me. I shouted at her once because she went for a cigarette when I told her not too, ever since then she hated me.)

At night we went on a ghost tour, it was alright. Not as good as I was hoping for, there were a couple of bits with audience participation and one bit where some guy jumped out at you but it was nothing too exciting.

After the ghost tour I had arranged some old friends from the Tapas Towers to meet us in the pub where the famous "we saw people shagging through a window" incident happened. I was hoping for a repeat performance for comedy value, but sadly there was no show that night. Phil the Magician of Tapas Towers fame was first to meet us in the pub with his Girlfriend. She asked us the greatest question I have ever or probably will ever be asked.

How do you cook a smurf?

What a brilliant question! how do you cook a smurf?

This sparked a lively debate regarding various cooking methods. I suggested boil them like pasta.

Someone said pan fry with garlic and oil, and someone else said my personal favourite,

Smurf Kebab.

Phil being the alcoholic genius that he is, arranged a small drinking game for us. He ordered an incredibly vile looking drink and placed it in the centre of the table, I wont go into the details of the game because I can't really be arsed. I was convinced I was going to lose and have to down this ectoplasm looking concoction, luckily I was second out which meant I didn't have to drink it.

It came down to Phil & Sean. The last round was tense, everyone was on the edge of there seats, It came to the crucial point in the game.

And Phil LOST!

I found this incredibly amusing.

The drinks continued to flow and the banter was top notch. It was great to see those guys again. I apologise to my Drinking Team Brother, Jonny Torpedo, as I got far too drunk and was in my bed by the time he finished work, we were meant to meet for a drink in our old local. sorry bud, I'll cya soon tho!

Sadly we could only spend one night in Edinburgh as I had to be in class on friday as its Assessment time at school just now so I can't afford to miss anything.

So first thing friday morning, we raped the breakfast buffet, then raced back up to the deen so I could get back in time for class.

FRIDAY

We made it back in plenty of time for my assessment (I kicked ass by the way) and Sean slept the afternoon away.

For dinner I thought I should introduce Sean to another fine scottish tradition, Curry.

We went to The Manzil on King Street. It was really good. was £12 for a buffet and was well worth it. We had 4 trips. plus dessert! I may use one of me 50 envelopes to send them a letter to to say how excellent i thought they were.

After dinner we headed to the pub and arranged to meet up with My friend Althea, her best mate visiting from France so I thought we should get the two tour groups together and have a decent international night out.

Witness Sean's attempt to befriend the girls

He stands nearby as they dance away, eagerly awaiting an opportunity to join them.

The Song changes to "Born In The USA" he see's his moment for glory and he takes it!

Within seconds Althea has forgotten all about poor Fred and is dancing the night away with Sean.

Friday night we also arranged to meet up with a few pals who were out in costume, they were all dressed up as thunder cats.

Why were they out on friday night you say?

Friday wasn't halloween,

your absolutely right, Apparently one night a year dressed like a twat isn't enough for some people. But to each there own I suppose. I'm one to talk, I'm dressed like a twat most days.

Goggs was dressed as Liono and was perhaps the more excited than anyone about this night, I think he should always wear his hair like that.

Ali also looked amazin, Altho in fairness he did cheat, he had someone professionally design & make his costume. Fair play to him tho, he did paint his body grey.

Stevo I think was the best as Tigra, he spent 2 hours before he left doing his costume. It was in my opinion the best. He won't remember me saying this to him on the night because by the time we saw him in espionage he was drunker than a drunk mans drunken donkey

After the club we headed to the always awesome Soul Casino, Sean had never gambled before so I thought it was about time he was introduced to evil game that is roulette. At one point he was £80 down, he did manage to win back £30 of that so he was only £50 down at the end of the night.

SATURDAY (HALLOWEEN)

So this Halloween has been drama, drama. Everyone is going as thundercats, everyone is going as cartoon characters, its a pub crawl, its a party at some club, it's a party at someone's house, its two nights, its one night.

Fuck sake, why does it have to be so fucken complicated.

In the end, some guys went out on friday night dressed as Thundercats (I still don't know why) and then we all went to a party at Goggs house on saturday. Some people went as thundercats both nights, I didn't dress up on friday as I didn't see the point.

Saturday night I went out dressed as my Hero

And Sean went out dressed as his

When it comes to Halloween, Goggs is perhaps one of the most enthusiastic people I have ever

met. It was him who organised our Top Gun night a couple of years ago, altho I think he did this just so he can go out dressed as maverick and chat up girls.

Fair play to him tho, as I recall it worked.

Anyway he has been the source of the majority of the drama surrounding halloween and the whole two nights as Thundercats extravaganza.

Goggs was expecting us around half seven, we arrived fashionably late just before 9. Some of the guys did quite well in there costumes.

I did feel sorry for mark tho, nobody noticed he painted his skin yellow for homer simpson till at least an hour into the party. The celebrations were saved by Stevo and his deck of cards.

We all gathered round the snooker table to play RING OF FIRE. This is a fantastic drinking game where every card has a different rule atached to it and it really fucks you up in a short space of time.

After everyone was chucked out of Goggs party at half ten, we headed to town. Visited a few pubs on Queens road where we were the only people in fancy dress and eventually made it into tow.

The city centre was HEAVING!! I have never seen town so busy. We waited about 20 minutes to get into espionage and about 30 minutes to get a drink.

After eventually getting served we were all keen to get to the dance floor. I don't remember much from then on but i do remember dancing like a twat, as per usual. Sean disappeared with a blonde. he told me he was quite keen to shag a scottish girl while on holiday, so looks like he got to check that off the list. I bumped into him outside and he said he was gonna head off with the girl. I reminded him of my address and sent him on his way, I honestly did not think he would be able to find his way back and fully expected never to see him again.

The rest of us headed off to find food.

SUNDAY

The next morning I was amazed when Sean appeared at my door. I was impressed, but in all honesty i was also bit disappointed. I had most of his stuff on e-bay already.

The rest of the day was a total write off. We were both asleep before 8pm.

MONDAY

So this was Sean's last day, I was in school all day so I left Sean to his own devices. We went out for curry again for dinner with Stevo & Nic and then out for a couple of beers afterwards. I think all the drinking had caught up with him.

Bloody americans!!

Thats all for now

Bloody hell i wrote alot there eh? i wonder if anyone will actually read all this?

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G