Highlights from the weekend.

Hi 

How's it goin? 

How was your weekend?
No seriously, tell me, I am interested!

Unless it was dull, in which case I don't wanna know.

It was another drunken weekend in the life of Andy G.

FRIDAY

On Friday I headed out with Rushton and Dave.

We started at the new Brew Dog pub in Aberdeen.

Brew dog is a local brewery, they recently renovated an old bar in Aberdeen and turned it into Brew Dog Pub, selling the beers they brew up in Fraserburgh. In fact they only sell beer and wine. It’s really good. It is rapidly becoming my new favourite pub. 


Myself and a couple of mates are strongly considering heading along one afternoon and working our way through the entire beer menu. (About 20 beers, one of which is 40%. That's not counting the 30 odd guest beers from all over the world, but that's a challenge for another day.)

Anyway, we decided to start our night out here as it was new and Dave had not been in yet. Dave being the legendary drunkard that he is, could not let a new pub open in Aberdeen and not visit within a couple of days.

At one point I over heard this converstion between a semi hot girl and the barman:

Semi Hot Girl

Can I have a vodka Red Bull please?

Barman

I’d love to, but there's a couple of small problems with that.

Semi Hot Girl

What?

Barman

We don’t serve vodka and we don’t serve Red Bull.

The girl had a look of confusion on her face. Obviously she did not quite grasp the concept of the pub.

Semi Hot Girl

So what do you sell?

Barman

We have BrewDog beers, some guest beers and wine

Semi Hot Girl

What kind of wine?

Barman

Red, White or Pink.

Like I said, it’s rapidly becoming my new favourite pub! If you're in Aberdeen you should definitely check it out! The beers on draft change everyday which is a nice touch, and they have all the Brew Dog Beers on bottle, as well as some really tasty guest beers from America.

As you can probably tell I am hoping for some corporate sponsorship from Brew Dog, or at least a free pint!


The night continued to another pub or two, then into a club. The night ended up with Rushton going home early cos he's a wimp, and me and Dave downing Jaeger Bombs!

SATURDAY

On Saturday it was a night out with Mark,  Aders Norman and Kim. Mark was also out with a couple of his workmates, he introduced me to them by saying,


"This is my mate Andy, he used to go to uni in Middlesbrough."


I thought this was a very odd way of introducing anyone. Yes I did go to uni in Middlesborough, but only for one year, and I didn't do much, and it was nearly 10 years ago.


I then discovered that two of the people I was being introduced to were actually from Middlesbrough. I politely shook everyones hand, said hello, and intensely guarded my wallet for the rest of the night.


We were going to see a couple of bands at The Tunnels in Aberdeen. This night featured the return of one of my favourite ever people, Drunk  Aders  Norman.

We knew a couple of the bands playing. The Deportees, Marks cousins band, were really good. Obviously I am slightly biased as I know him, but they were really good. Check them out on Myspace.

Another band playing were Le Reno Amps featuring Al Nero, a legend of a guy who we went to school with. As well as Al we bumped into a few old school mates and it was great to catch up. At one point  Aders  Norman was talking to Craig (an old school mate) and his girlfriend. None of us had seen or heard from Craig since we left school ten years ago. It was great to see him, altho I was a bit drunk. All I remember him saying was that he is now an accountant.

The banter was slow, and  Aders  Norman was struggling for something to say, this is the conversation which took place.

 Aders  Norman

So we were just in the bar next door cos someone said the 

Barmaid had the biggest boobs ever, did you see her? 

Craig

Erm, no.

Craig and his girlfriend just shrugged clearly not knowing what to say.

There was a silence, a silent silence, the silentest silence since the time I used the Polar Bear line on some hot girls while very drunk in a kebab shop.

 Aders  Norman felt compelled to fill this silence, he had to say something, and this wasn't regular  Aders  Norman, 
this was Drunk  Aders  Norman, and Drunk  Aders  Norman 
knows exactly what to say! 

Drunk  Aders  Norman then looked directly at Craig's girlfriend, he stared at her long and hard, a girl he had known for all of 2 minutes.  And then he said the only logical thing that Drunk  Aders  Norman could say

 Aders  Norman

Never mind eh? Boobs aren’t the be all and end all!

Craigs girlfriend did not reply to this comment, clearly she felt insulted.

Drunk  Aders  Norman then sat back down and told me this story. I of course told him I was going to post it on the blog, he then asked me if I would change his name. So for the purposes of this story I called him Drunk  Aders  Norman. Don't worry mate, no one will ever learn your secret identity.

SUNDAY

Sunday I was hungover. 

Althea bought a new toilet seat.

Personally it scares the crap outta me. (No pun intended.) I keep imagining something out of Little Shop Of Horrors. Have you seen Little Shop of Horrors? If not, why not? it's brilliant!

Also, on Sunday a game of hide and seek got out of hand when Ivano hid under the floor boards.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on Facebook and CLICK HERE.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then one day I will take you on one of my drunken adventures. 

I'm getting old

Hi 

Hows it goin? 

Yesterday was my 28th birthday!

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, and to those of you who didn't, well I think my facebook status update says it all.

This is not the first time Bob has told me he loves me, and it won't be the last. Can't say I blame him.

And as for you Ian, that's your excuse for everything.

It wasn't just my birthday yesterday. I am lucky enough to share my Birthday with 3 of my friends. (I'm generous like that) 

 Aders

Who as you can tell, I am very fond of.

Martin, my old shipmate from The QE2

Martin is the guy in between myself and Jonny Torpedo, I'm not sure why but Jonny does appear to be bumming him.

And Jeanine from Ottos

Who is not nearly as good a Karaoke singer as I am

I hope you guys all had a great day. More exciting that mine anyway.

I didn't even have a drink. 

I have had a lot of birthday's (28 to be exact) and the majority of them I can't remember, mainly due to alcohol. My 21st was on board the ship, I remember a bucket of homemade punch, I think I wore a hat. And I kissed a girl. On the lips. Which was nice.

My 22nd birthday was a surprise party in the cabin thrown by Bob. I wanted a nap, then he opened the cabin door and about 15 people strolled into a cabin that could barely hold myself and Bob. This was in the middle of the afternoon, I then had to work dinner service while quite drunk. I don't think any of the customers noticed tho. Except for the woman who's head I dropped the fish on.

For my 25th Birthday we got all the birthday boys and girls together. Marks Birthday is the 26th, his wife Kim's is the 20th, Jonny Mountain is the 23rd, and mine and Aders is the 28th. We had a big night out with dinner at Vincents, then headed into town. I don't remember much, except I think my work got me a Doctor Who cake. Which was nice.

And for the past two years I have been working on my birthday. So yesterday I woke up at stupid o'clock in the morning and headed to college. I am finished all my work, but I promised I would help someone out with filming. 

On the way to school I noticed something odd, the hot girl ratio had increased, dramatically. Usually you see a few nice looking ladies in the city centre but today was mental. Everyone was stunning! I began to think that something was wrong, was this real? 

Was I dreaming?

Was I in The Matrix?

Was this a computer generated fantasy of my own creation?

Was I hallucinating due to the fact I hadn't had a Red Bull in over a month and was now suffering from with drawl?

Perhaps not, perhaps this was reality, maybe this was the wisdom that came with age, the ability to see hot girls everywhere!

Pretty cool super power.

I then walked into a shop to get a much needed Red Bull, I had a hard days filming ahead of me and I needed the energy boost. My dream was then shattered. The person who served me was not attractive. I say person because I am unsure whether it was a man or a woman.

Damn!

So I mosied onwards to school for filming. I am not entirely sure what the film is about, which is odd seeing as this was my second day on the set. Something about time travel and re incarnation. Seems pretty good so far tho. I'm looking forward to seeing the finished product.

Here's a sneak peak:

SPOILER ALERT!!

Yeah, it's a bit of a mind fuck!

So I was in the studio from 9-5, then came home and did something I have never, ever done before.

I cleaned my flat.

But I properly cleaned it, I even hoovered! Until yesterday I was pretty sure that the hoover was actually some kind of sculpture. I daren't touch it incase I invalidate the insurance.

After cleaning the flat I was filled with a strange sense of satisfaction, I had done something sensible. Cleaned up, and cleaned up properly! 

I then did something more unusual. 

I went for a run!

I was being sensible and kinda healthy!

What the hell is happening to me?

Age really does change you.

So I have decided to turn over a new leaf. From now on, everyday I will do some form of exercise and something productive. I have just over 4 weeks until Kev and Alice's wedding. I have already impressed his future in laws with the greatest R.S.V.P. ever written. (I'll share it with you one day if you're lucky) So now I need to impress all the ladies in attendance, which means losing the beer belly!

So that's the new me, the new sensible 28 year old me!

Altho after my run I did have a pizza and a blueberry muffin. But it's my birthday, I deserved something.

But I will try and stick to my new healthy sensible lifestyle. It might be difficult as Adam is on his way to Aberdeen for a couple of days and I have Ali's wedding on Saturday.

Oh well.

At least I have good intentions.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will show you the R.S.V.P I sent to Kev's future in laws*

Does not apply if you are Kev or Alice, Or Alice's parents.

Rod & Brons Xmas Party Part II: Christmas Olympics

Hi

Hows it goin?

This is Part II of the Epic story that is Rod & Brons Xmas Party

For Part I click here

So we had just had a massive and fantastic meal, and we were ready to get our drink on. The banter was still in full swing, and then our host took to the stage (he stood on a chair). Now that dinner was over it was time for the nights MAIN event!

Christmas Olympics!

Christmas Olympics comes from the deepest darkest corners of Rods Mind.

It's an impressive place.

The man is a genius!

Our two tables were assigned team names.

VERSUS

My table was Assbangistan,

My heart fills with Pride to think that we were representing Assbangers everywhere!

Each team also had to choose a national anthem to sing after each victory, at one point our national anthem was the theme tune to The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air , we changed it at the last minute to something more appropriate.

The Christmas Olympics consisted of 7 games, each pitting one member of our fair nation against the enemy.

Round 1

The Electro Tank Battle

Each player has a radio controlled tank, every time you shoot your opponents tank he gets an electric shock delivered to him from the controller. Playing for us was Richard Jones.

He fought a valiant battle, but I am sad to say in the end we were defeated.

We were defeated by a man wearing a jumper like that!

It was a close call though.

That was one nil to the enemy. Richards opponent took to the podium, accepted his medal and stood proudly as his team mates sang their national anthem.

"We're Yorkshire! We're Barmy! We're off our fucken heads!"

Peoples Democratic Rebublic Of Morley 1

The United States of Assbangistan 0

Round 2

The Mince Pie Eating Contest

It was here that we unleshed our secret weapon, MARK!

We couldn’t lose!

In his own words,

“That’s the one for me!”

The two players took up there positions, the game was to eat as many mince pies as you can in 60 seconds. Rod placed 6 pies in front of each contestant. They each took a swig of beer for added throat lubrication, the tension was high, we were already losing, but only by one point. You could see how nervous the opposition were, and rightly so. The Assbangers were gonna bang there Ass's. (metaphorically speaking)

3

2

1

GO!

The contest had begun,

I'll be honest I was getting really into this!

“COME ON MARK!!!”

I screamed at the top of my voice.

"Do this for your country! You’re an Assbanger!!!"

"Do it for Assbangers everywhere!"

Mark shoved the first pie in his mouth,

he then had a look of panic in his eyes.

He looked like he was gonna be sick. He had eaten far too much for dinner.

His opponent was into his third pie and Mark had just finished his first.

I couldn’t believe it!

I was livid!

COME ON MARK!!!!!

Then the final whistle blew.

His opponent had managed 4 & a half pies, Mark had managed 1

ONE FUCKEN PIE!!!!!!!

I am concerned that someone may have kidnapped the real Mark and replaced him with this clone!

Once more, we witnessed our rivals take the medal and we were subjected to there national anthem.

"We're Yorkshire! We're Barmy! We're off our fucken heads!"

Peoples Democratic Rebublic Of Morley 2

The United States of Assbangistan 0

Round 3

The Piano A Thon Thing

(It had a better name, but I was quite drunk by this point)

Rod has a piano in his house, and it has some kind of magic pedals, you put some roll thing into the piano and continually press the magic pedals & the piano plays itself. The goal here was to press the pedals as fast as you can in order to play the song (Silent Night) as fast as you can. Whoever plays the song fastest wins.

Our opponent went first. She did quite well, during her performance, her boyfriend was there screaming encouragement at her.

“Come on! Faster, faster! Harder, harder!"

If someone in another flat overheard this, they may have thought something else was going on.

She finished in quite a respectable time. 1:05:04.

Not too shabby.

It was Kevs turn, he stepped up to the piano, determined to win his team a medal.

The clock started.

Again I got far too excited by this whole competition and like a deranged cheerleader, I started screaming encouragement.

“Come on Kev! Move those fucken legs! Come on Kev! You can do it!

Don’t let us down!”

It was at this point I had a moment of self realisation, I was screaming like an idiot, for my friend to play the paino with his feet. It all seemed a bit stupid, I realised I was a tad drunk and in danger of making a fool of myself. I quietened down, took a gulp from my beer and watched quietly watched Kev play the Magic Piano with his feet.

Then Alice (his girlfriend) stood up on the chair behind me and started screaming like an even more deranged cheerleader!

“Come on Kev! Move your legs!”

Then I had another moment of self realisation,

THIS WAS AWESOME!

I was standing there screaming at my friend to play silent night on a piano, with his feet, and he had to do it in less than one minute and five seconds, and I had a massive glass full of beer in front of me!

Kev pushed as hard and as fast as he could, and when the last chord was struck, the clock was stopped.

The room was silent, all in apprehension of what was to come.

Had we won?

Was the first victory for our fair country, was this our moment, is this what would make us proud to be Assbangers?

Rod, with a gleeful expression on his face announced,

“The time, ladies and gentle men is…………..

one minute………………..

five seconds………………

point 4!"

It was a draw.

To the millisecond!

We were all amazed by this, both players were exhausted so rather than have a re match we decided to call it a draw and each team got one point.

It was with great pride that we finally got to sing our national anthem

Not sure if the Audioboo I put in this post will work on facebook, if you can't see it then click here

Peoples Democratic Rebublic Of Morley 3

The United States of Assbangistan 1

Here we go!

We were on the come back trail!

Round 4

Charades

It was my turn.

I was going to charade the shit out of this round!

I was pitted against Rod's brother Neil, a man I had only met once before at Richards Stag Do, he threw a drink in my eye which led to the infamous quote,

“There’s a drink in my Retina!”

For charades we had to act out a Beetles song picked at random from a Beetles book. Rod flicked through the pages and wherever it stopped that was the song.

I had never heard of most of my songs. I attempted to charade (is that a verb?) The Night Before.

I couldn’t think, I had to act fast as the clock was against me. I showed the various signs to indicate I was going to mime the second word.

Sounds like.

Now I had to get something that sounds like, night.

I couldn’t think, my mind turned to mush, filled with beer, and port, and turkey, and more beer.

I did the first thing that entered my mind, I slapped my arse. I was attempting to get the answer Shite, because it sounds like night. This in retrospect was an incredibly stupid thing to do. I moved on from there and managed to convey the word "before." It was at this point Kev in his infinite wisdom started shouting out,

“Hey Jude.”

I shook my head.

And then he shouted it again.

And again.

And again.

I gave up in the end.

I am ashamed to say I lost this round.

It turns out I am not a true Assbanger.

Peoples Democratic Rebublic Of Morley 4

The United States of Assbangistan 1

The next round was one of my favourites.

Round 5

The Limbo Round!

After I disgracefully lost the charades round, Rod uttered two words of the English Language I never thought I would hear together. “Limbo Machine”

Now when he said Limbo machine, I fully expected him to come back with a stick, but it was a genuine Limbo machine.

It shot out this string and it goes round in a loop and you can set it at various heights.

It's Amazing!

Now at this point I may be perceived as bias, but we were robbed of victory!

The opposition touched the bottom string with her foot and the whole thing collapsed. In our teams mind, that’s perfect, we won! Lovin it.

However the opposition protested and the judge (Rod) ruled that one mistake was allowed by each team.

Our player also made a similar mistake in the next round.

So now the stakes were high, the next mistake would cost us the game.

We got throughout the next round and as the limbo string got continually lower and lower. Our man made a crucial mistake and hit the limbo strong, our opponent still had to take her go but if she made it through then we would be even. We would still be in with a chance.

She aprached the limbo string, she bent backwards and limbo’d thru, she made it, but as she was returning to her normal posture, she grazed the back of the string and disturbed it. The judge chose to ignore this so the victory went to the opposition. As I said, we were robbed.

Peoples Democratic Rebublic Of Morley 5

The United States of Assbangistan 1

Round 6

Play Your Cards Right

The title of this round is fairly self explanatory, if you don't know what play your cards right is then you have not lived! Kim was our player and she did very well, we got 5 cards in a row. We swapped one and ten got caught out with a Jack and a King.

The opposition played and some of us were clearly not paying close enough attention. I am fairly certain they lost But the girl turning the cards went a bit mental and said we were tied because we swapped one. She seemed to be taking this all a bit too seriously.

We desided on a replay, but that’s alright cos we had Kim on our side. Kim has never lost anything in her entire life! We kicked ass and the medal was ours!

Peoples Democratic Rebublic Of Morley 5

The United States of Assbangistan 2

Then came the last and final round.

Round 7

The Karaoke Round

In retrospect I should have gone for this round. As I am sure you are aware, I am an awesome singer! (Click here if you don’t believe me)

It was Rayne versus our head chef/drunken host Rod. They were singing baby its cold outside on an Xbox 360 game. It wasn't the Tom Jones & Cerys from Catatonia version, which made us nervous as Rayne is welsh, we were hoping that would give her an edge. In the end it was an edge she didn’t need.

She kicked ASS! Well done Rayne! She sang her little welsh heart out and won us another medal.

Peoples Democratic Rebublic Of Morley 5

The United States of Assbangistan 3

That was it, the games were over, it was time for,

The Final Challenge

Rod had recently purchased this rather strange looking horn, It could fit 3 pints in there and the rules were, for every medal your team won, a quarter of a pint would be taken out. Your three best drinkers had to take the stage and drink from the horn of drunkness and whichever teams drinks the fastest wins!

Our opposition had to drink two pints between three of them.

They did in quite a respectable time, 52.4 seconds. This included a 5 second penalty because potty had a big spillage.

Next it was time for our boys to drink. For our team we nominated Kev, Jones and James. They drank as fast as they could, we had half a pint more than the opposition so the heat was on. They did remarkably well. We finished in 57 seconds including a 5 second penalty because Jonesy spilt!

This meant we had lost.

Again.

But I still believe it was a moral victory for the people of Assbangistan!

That's a hell of a lot I've written, I very much doubt most people will read all this but this is mainly a record for my benefit. As the year is coming to a close, I was thinking the other day about writing a review of 2009. Then I realised, I can't remember much. I'm sure I did some interesting things this year but most of which are a drunken blur. Quite worrying really.

Anyway.

The Story of Rod & Brons Christmas Party concludes in a couple of day with Part III: Return of The Magic Piano

That will include such exciting things as

• More from the Magic Piano
• Muppets
• Kev going mad with power
• A very odd game involving wooden sticks
• another marriage proposal
• and I embarrass Illaria by letting all you wonderful readers listen to the voicemail she left me!

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to subscribe to all the shite I write and get it delivered straight to your inbox, then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you don't subscribe to this blog then I will throw a drink in your retina!