30 Day Challenge Day 2: A picture of yourself and the person you have been closest with the longest.

Hi

How's it goin? 

The 30 Day Challenge continues with A picture of yourself and the person you have been closest with the longest.

It's only day two and I'll admit to struggling a wee bit with this one.

The obvious answer would be Adam, he's my brother from another mother. But I have friends who I have known much longer than him. Another obvious choice would be a family member, obviously I have known them the longest as they have had the luxury of knowing me since the day I was born. And they have been cursing my name ever since.

After much consideration I decided to go with,

Dr Kev.

Dr Kev and I met when we were ten years old. Several months ago Kev got married to Alice, and then they both buggered off to Australia. I was master of ceremonies at the wedding. And for some reason I had to give a speech about a wedding cake.
I am still not sure why. 
But I am never one to shy away from a challenge, so when the day came I gave the best speech about a wedding cake ever given in the history of everything.
Also, possibly the first.
The night before Kev got married, I made a startling discovery. One which shook me to my very core. In nearly 18 years of friendship I was shocked to discover that,
Kev Snores!
And not just a little.
We were sharing a room the night before the wedding and fook me. It was like sleeping in the same room as a wild animal. It was terrifying.
But Kev's wedding is a story for another day. One which might be available in book form before the end of the year.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe the next time I write about someone I am close to, it will be you.*

*Probably not.

Dr Kev's Retro Pub Crawl

Hi

How's it goin? 

My mate Dr Kev got married and moved to Australia a few months ago. I finally managed to talk to him on Skype a few days ago. It turns out he has received funding from his employer to stay in the country for another 3 years.

I was of course very happy for my friend at getting such good news. I must admit to being secretly disappointed as this means I won't see him for quite some time. Which is annoying. Kev can always be counted on for a couple of pints and to cook me dinner.

Kev got married to Alice on July 31st and moved to Australia just a couple of days later. So two nights before Kev's wedding, we did the only sensible thing we could do. We organised a retro pub crawl. We returned to the pubs and clubs we used to frequent when we were 18.

As regular readers will know I attended four weddings this summer, I have written up my account of the weddings and the various stag do's / nights out that surrounded all of them, but it is a hell of a lot. I may save it for a multi part blog post or put them out in a book for your reading pleasure. 

I have a great deal written about the retro pub crawl, but again it is too much for one blog post. Instead of going into great detail I thought I would share with you a couple of pics and videos I didn't even know I had. I discovered them on my phone a couple of days ago and thought it best to share them with you.

These were taken in The Priory in Aberdeen, which is well known for being shit. But this was a retro pub crawl, and we went there when we were 18 so we had to go back. We rather stupidly decided to have a "Purple Rain."

A Purple Rain is a cocktail which involves lots of alcohol, lighting said alcohol on fire, capturing the fumes in another glass, extinguish the flame, drink the drink, inhale the fumes you captured in the other glass, then snorting the residue off another glass. It's minging. Fuck knows who invented it and why. They must have been off their heads.

Here's the barmaid preparing our "Purple Rains" Or "Blue stuff which is about to be set of fire."

Kev arguing with the Barman.

Then it just got too much for Kev and Dave.

The Purple Rains!

Then Nick started a dance off with a stranger.

Then for some very unknown reason, after all of us having our purple rains and wanting to do nothing else but leave Priory. Rushton then went and bought another round. To this day no one knows why.

If you can't see any of the video's above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do subscribe then one day I will take you to the Priory and buy you a Purple Rain.

The Polar Bear Line

Hi 

Hows it goin? 

I have decided to share with you, oh wise and wonderful reader, the ultimate chat up line.

The Polar Bear Line

I was first introduced to this by my friend Richard P, and he just got engaged, so surely his advice should be heeded.

I have witnessed this line in use before and it has succeeded. Well it succeeded in starting up a conversation anyway, and that's something.

So here's the situation, yourself and some friends are in a bar, you want to strike up a conversation with a bunch of girls but not sure how. Here's what you do.

Approach the girls,

You: Excuse me ladies, can you help me and my friends settle a bet?

You will receive one of two responses, I have heard both in my time.

Girl: No. Fuck off!

OR

Girl: Ok, what's the bet?

You: How much would you say a polar bear weighs?

Girl: I don't know.

You: Well I say one thing and my mate says another, What do you think? What ever you guess will be the weight we'll go with.

Girl: Ermm I'm not sure.

You: just take a guess, we'll go with whatever you say.

Girl: I'm not sure, maybe about a ton?

You: That's about enough to break the ice. My name's (INSERT NAME HERE), can I buy you a drink?

It's fool proof.

I'm telling you, I've seen it used successfully.

Sadly not by me.

Altho with the amount of weddings I have coming up surely it must work on one girl!

I'll keep you informed.

For any girls reading this, this line can also be used on guys. 

Altho to be honest if you are a girl, 9 times out of 10 all you have to say is "hello" and we're interested.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will chat you up.*

*Does not apply to mingers, or really fat people.

Birthdays & Weddings

Hi

Hows it goin?

Its my blog's first brithday.

It was one year ago on this very day when I posted my first entry!

I imaginitively titled it First Entry.

Yeah I know, I really have a way with words

One year ago today I was optimistic about getting into the RSAMD. I was uncertain about the future, I was working like a bastard in Tapas Towers, and I'm farily certain I wasn't this fat.

Who know's where's I'll be when this blog hits its second birthday?

With any luck I'll be nearly finished my second year and final year at school and filling out an application form for that job at R.S. Mccoll.

Or maybe not, maybe I will finally crack and beat one of the customers in the restaurant to death.

Maybe Mother Tuckers will have me "taken care of."

Maybe my dedicated fans at Wowzies will make me a spokesperson and I can make enough money to retire at the ripe old age of 28.

I am cautiously optimistic about the year ahead, as I stated a few weeks ago, I will be 28 at the end of June. I have ran the numbers and 28 should be my perfect year. Click here if you don't believe me.

In the short term I have 4 weeks to finish my school work and then roll on the summer.

I have 4 weddings this summer (hopefully no funerals).

Wedding 1

Ian & Kat

June 12th

Edinburgh

Ian is getting married on an island a short ferry ride from Edinburgh. Ian is quite possibly the most organised person I have ever met in my entire life so I expect his wedding to be exceptional. Due to unexpected circumstances he even organised his own stag do.

I really think Ian's wedding is gonna set the bar pretty high. I have no role in this wedding, as I have written before about the various roles in weddings you will realise I am quite glad of this, mainly because I fully expect to be incredibly drunk for the entire weekend in Edinburgh.

That being said, the last time I saw Ian he did mention something to me about Bob and I being the flower boys.

Ians stag do kicks off tomorrow, an activities weekend in Aberfeldy, I will let you know if Ian makes it through the weekend alive. He probably will, and Ian if you're reading this, don't worry mate, I'm sure you're hair will grow back after we shave it all off, strip you down, tie you to a lampost cover you in treacle and leave you for a few hours.

Oops, have I just spoiled the surprise?

Wedding 2

Ali & Jo

July 3rd

Haddo House

Ali had his stag do last weekend and sadly I couldn't make it. I simply can't afford it at the moment. I am truly sorry I missed it. It certainly counds like it was interesting, on the first day Ali broke his leg.

Looking forward to seeing the first dance at his wedding. Ali is getting married at Haddo House, a place which until two weeks ago I thought only did pantomimes.

Wedding 3

Claire & Kenny

July 16th

Somewhere in the countryside

I have no idea where they are actually getting married, I have been told the name, but I have no dea where it actually is. Ian is meant to be loooking into somewhere for us to stay, and I will be relying on him for transport, this should be a great wedding. The last time myself and this particular gang of people had a big night out was Claire's 21st. And at the end of that night I ended up posting my superman underwear through someones letter box.

Wedding 4

Kev & Alice

July 31st

Its either aboyne or alford, I keep forgetting

And this is the wedding to finish off the summer, I have a vital role in this wedidng, I am the master of ceremonies, I have a bell to ring and everything! I think Kev's wedding could quite possibly be the best of the bunch, not just cos I have a small role in it, but because it's gonna be epic. And it think that adequalty explains it. Kev's having his stag do in mid June when we are going on a canal boat holiday. Having worked on the QE2 for a couple of years my experience will no doubt be invaluable. I'm still on the look out for some sort of hat that is appropriate for a stag do on a boat. If anyone see's anything then let me know.

Even tho at all of these weddings I am not meant to make a speech, I am thinking of making one anyway, or at least getting up on stage and having a sing song. However, being the drunken idiot that I am, I suspect it might go a little bit, like this.

Worst Wedding DJ Ever from Jerry O'Connell

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will show you photo's of what we will have done to Ian and Kev on there stag do's.

If Ian and Kev are reading this, be afraid, be very afraid.

Friendly Friday: Ian

Hi 

Hows it goin? 

Today i'm gonna talk about Ian. Ian is awesome. And he is the star of one of my favourite ever photographs.

Ian and I met when I first joined the QE2. He left shortly after I joined but we shared many many drunken adventures together. Ian is also the man who got me the job in New York. He had the same job 2 years previously. I only wish he gave me some better warnings regarding what I was letting myself in for.

Ian is quite possibly one of the most organised people on the planet. Which is brilliant when it comes to our trips away. When we went to Dublin he had everything planned down to the minute. However when we started on the guinness that plan kind of went out the window,

As I wrote on a previous blog post Ian is also quite possibly the greatest dancer in the world.

He was good enough to put me up in the transition period from moving to Edinburgh back to Aberdeen. I stayed with him for a couple of weeks, altho myself and his other flat mate did not get on at first.

Ian now lives the easy life as a teacher in a catering college in Edinburgh. He gets paid a ridiculous amount of money and has far too much time off.

Ian is getting married in a few weeks. It will be the first of 4 weddings I have this summer and I think this one will def set the bar pretty high.

I'm also going on his stag do in a couple of weeks. I'll be sure to write about that afterwards. Assuming he survives.

A Poem For Ian

My friend Ian works as a teacher,

I hope he likes his friendly friday feature.

We first met on the QE2,

In a couple of weeks we'll be on his stag do.

I hope he makes it back alive,

if not I'll take his job, I'd love a 9-5.

For his honeymoon he's going on a cruise,

at his wedding I'll drink lots of booze.

I'll drink and I'll dance and I'll have a good time, 

I'm very sorry for the quality of this rhyme.

Here's a video from one of Ian's favourite films.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do not subscribe then your head will explode

Friendly Friday: Alice

Hi

Hows it goin?

Since I talked about Kev last week I thought it was only fair I should mention his future Bride, Alice.

Alice is the one on the right.

Alice has the dancing skills of a professional dancer on speed. 

She's almost as good as me.

When we were at Mark and Kim's wedding, Alice and I ruled the dance floor. 

Alice is also the person who said the infamous line,

"is that a sausage cheese?" 

I still don't know what that is. 

Maybe it will be served at her and Kev's wedding.

They will have to run it by me first tho, seeing as I am the Master of Ceremonies! 

All decisions go through me! 

A poem for Alice

Her names Alice and she's got some dance moves,

she hits the dance floor, 

like a criminal who's smooth.

She once asked me, is that a sausage cheese?

Can you tell me, what that is please?

Alice works in hair and beauty,

I hope at her wedding I get me a cutie.

I Scoured the internet to find a suitable video to sum up Alice. I didn't want to be too obvious and have "Who the fuck is Alice?" 

I thought about putting on a wedding video, and then I found this.

It's only very loosely related to weddings and has nothing to do with Alice but I thought it was good.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

Subscription to The Blog Of Andy G is a recommended part of a healthy diet.

Friendly Friday: Dr Kev

Hi

Hows it goin?

Going through the list of my friends who deserve a mention on this blog I thought I better mention Kev, I realised he is my oldest friend. 

I tried to find an adequate description of Kev on Urbandictionary.com but everyone on there seems to hate him. 

I mean properly hate him. 

I would never reprint what was said about him, but if you want to read it then click here.

I searched for Kevin, here are my top 3:

I think the third is the most accurate.

Kev recently became a Doctor. I can't spell what he is a doctor of, but it's something sciencey.

I am still torn between new nicknames for him, 

My top five are:

1. Doc
2. Dr Kev
3. Dr Watt
4. Dr W
5. DW 

I think my favourite out of that list is DW. 
Mainly because I can say the line,

"When there's trouble you call DW."

Admittedly I did steal that from the opening credits of Darkwing Duck, but it still works.

Kev and I have been on many drunken adventures together, our first major outing is when we went to Leeds to visit our friend Richard. Those few days were the drunkest I had ever been, at the time.

Kev was lucky enough to be sharing a room with me in Leeds and was even luckier in the fact that I was in many ways a human alarm clock.

Being woken up by the sound of me throwing up must be the best way to start the day eh?

I also thought it best to feature Kev in my little blog because he has been good enough to give me a role in his wedding.

I think he and his future wife (Alice) felt sorry for me, so gave me a job, kind of like the retarded cousin is told he's in charge of holding the door open or something.

But i'm still happy.

I will be The Master Of Ceremonies.

Which I think technically makes me the most important man involved in the wedding.

Think about it.

The wedding is a ceremony, and I am the Master of Ceremonies.

Without me there is no ceremony.

I am currently looking into my wardrobe for the day, I think I should have some kind of special hat.

Any suggestions?

A poem for Kev

I met Kev in primary school,

even then we knew we were cool.

We've been friends for 17 years,

together we've drunk countless beers.

We once went drinking in the city of Leeds,

and we did many drunken deeds.

I've know Kev since primary five,

without me he wouldn't be alive.

I made that up, it's an exaggeration,

and now he's moving to a new location.

Now he's moving to the land down under,

Who will help me when I drunkenly chunder?

So Kev have fun, when you move to Australia,

I'll keep in touch, I'll email ya.

I did try find a video that would be appropriate for Kev, I couldn't find anything relevant so I though this would be best.

When there's trouble you call DW!

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and click here

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you subscribe to then you will receive a free ringtone of me being sick after a night of drunkenness. 

Dear Australian Beer Company(A.K.A. Envelope 11-15 of 50)

Hi

Hows it goin?

Below is the latest entry in my letter writing challenge. I will admit to cheating slightly, but only slightly. I sent an almost identical letter to 5 different people. But there was a good reason for this, and it still used 5 envelopes. So it's not technically cheating.

Dear Fosters/Crown/VB/Castlemain XXXX/Tooheys

G’day mate? Hows it going?

Apologies for the less than formal greeting, I thought you might appreciate a more casual hello. I hope it went down well.

I am writing to you with a fantastic opportunity.  My good friend Kev has recently got engaged to his long term girlfriend Alice. And to top it off they are planning on moving to Australia in summer. As soon as this was mentioned the subject of beers came up. Both Kev and myself are big fan of Scottish beers, but since he is moving to your fair country I have encouraged him to try new things and venture into the exciting world of Australian beers.

It is really on his behalf I am writing, I would like to ask you, what can you offer my friend? Why should he become a committed Fosters/Crown/VB/Castlemain XXXX/Tooheys drinker? 

And believe me when Kev moves to your fair country he will be giving your annual figures a very large boost. And there are other things to consider, I am planning on visiting him. So you would have not one, but TWO Scottish drinking MACHINES drinking your magnificent beer. Not only that, but when we are out and about around your lovely country and people see us drinking Fosters/Crown/VB/Castlemain XXXX/Tooheys and having a great time, surely that’s a great advert for you? People will see two Scottish guys having a great time drinking Fosters/Crown/VB/Castlemain XXXX/Tooheys and then they will try to equal our happiness by drinking your beer!

So why should we choose you? 

Can you offer my friend and I anything? 

And by anything I mean anything, we’ll take free beer, or beer related products such as t-shirts, key rings, badges, a car. Anything really.

Also, would you be interested in sponsoring Kev & Alices wedding? Can you imagine all the free publicity you would receive? An Australian theme wedding to send them off, with free Fosters/Crown/VB/Castlemain XXXX/Tooheys for everyone! That would definitely make the papers and make your company look ACE. It will at very least make it into my blog (www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com). This letter will also be published on there getting you some free publicity already. 

You are welcome.

It is now I must make a small confession. I have been somewhat duplicitous. I have written an identical letter to your rivals (Crown lager, Victoria Bitter, Fosters, Tooheys and Castlemain XXXX. 

Is that duplicitous? 

Or would it make me pentuplicitous, like a pentagon, get it?

Please don’t take any offence to this but I must keep my options open and try and steer my friend in the right direction. He needs my guidance, I don’t know where he’d be without me.

I would ask that you give this letter some serious thought. This is a once in a life time opportunity to get some free publicity and possibly gain some lifetime customers. 

If it helps I have recently become a fully blown alcoholic and if you do consider giving us some freebies I promise to only drink Fosters/Crown/VB/Castlemain XXXX/Tooheys for as long as I live!

I look forward to your response

Kind Regards

Andy G

I have yet to receive a reply but I am confident they will be in touch soon. It probably takes a long time to get post from Australia.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will write a letter to someone important asking them to sponsor your wedding.