25 Random Pics from The QE2

Hi

How's it goin? 

Many moons ago I used to work on The QE2, it was a great time in my life, I spent most of it drunk. 

I have included two videos in this post, if you can't see them it's because your reading this crap on facebook, Why are you doing that? That's crazy! Just CLICK HERE to get to the proper blog page.

A couple of weeks ago I posted 25 random pics from my time in Edinburgh. Well here is something very similar, 25 Random Pics from my time on The QE2.

Adam & Jonny Torpedo went out for a few essentials while we were docked in France.

Some birds

Some girls in Bikini's

Bela prepares for boat drill

Andrea's boobs

It was slim pickins in the crew bar this night. Adam & Bob turned to each other

All three of those shirts belong to me. I still have them.

Our 4 piece ukulele band

One night we just felt like wearing poncho's.

This is just before we jumped off the Sky Tower in Auckland, New Zealand.

This is me screaming as I am dangled off the Sky Tower in Auckland, New Zealand

The guy who took this picture told me to wave my arms, I just continued to scream.

Myself and Aussie Jo, drunk in Barbados.

The ship held a formal party for the crew, most of the male crew wore tuxedo's. We went like this.

The Drinking Team: We Dress to Impress.

Superhero night in the crew bar. Kenny went as Gaydar Man.

A pic from the Cheese & Wine party that Bob and I hosted in our cabin.

Drunk in a nightclub in Quebec. This photo was taken just mere moments before the incident that led to me being banned from Quebec.

One man wearing another man's t-shirt.

It was Adam's birthday on a formal party night for the crew. We all hired tux's and I got Adam a Birthday cake.

Adam got very drunk that night, and he forgot he left the birthday cake on his bed, this was the result.

Yes, that is a very hung over man, trying to clean squashed birthday cake off of a hired tuxedo jacket with a hoover.

One night we just fancied going to the pub in a toga

Stewart decided to soak Phil. Not sure why.

This is what Lefty & Jonny Torpedo wore to the Playboy party.

This is what Steve wore to the Playboy Party.

Claire with my boxer shorts. F.Y.I. That's the same pair I was wearing when I wrote this blog post. 

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe the next time I post 25 Random Pics, maybe they will feature you.

Friendly Friday: Helen

Hi

How's it goin?

This was actually meant to be posted last week as it was Helens birthday, but I forgot to write it. I've been pretty busy lately you know. So since it was her birthday, and she wrote a nice review of my book. She is lucky enough to feature on this weeks Friendly Friday.

The origins of Helen are unknown. Many believe she was sent to earth to be a guardian angel to the drunken idiots she encounters. Some believe she is the biggest drunkard of us all. And some think she's just a girl from the north west who recently turned 30 and has a paper round.

All of the above statements are true!

Helen is in many ways, a legend. We met while working on board the QE2 and forged a friendship based on lager and the fact she was going out with Adam. 

Helen always did her best to help me out with the ladies, not that I needed help. I have a simple strategy, I don't chase after women, I let them come to me. 

I am still waiting.

I haven't seen Helen since Paul & Sonya's wedding. From what I remember she tried to out manoeuvre me on the dance floor. She of course failed. 

Here's a video of all the QE2 Crew, this might shed some light onto the future holds for Helen.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

Although I have not seen much of Helen in recent years I sill think of her as my Guardian Angel. I am also obliged to say nice things about her because she apparently still has the drunken voicemail I left her when I went to a wine tasting. I don't remember calling her, I don't remember much from that day. But she has threatened to keep that voicemail until I am rich and famous and then sell her story to The Sun.

Several people have asked me in recent weeks for a Friendly Friday. Sorry but that's not how it works, if you ask then you don't get. Friendly Friday is written about who ever pops into my head at the time. Helen popped into my head cos she bought my book (HINT) and wrote a nice review about it. (ANOTHER HINT)

That's All For Now 


Until Next Time


Have A Nice


Andy G


If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."


If you do subscribe then you will get a Friendly Friday, but only if you also buy MY BOOK

Some more reviews of my book

Hi

How's it goin? 

Book sales are now at a whopping 34!

Again though I will say that I did email over 300 people and I am very disappointed in the rest of you. If you wrote a book I'd buy it. Honest.

So dear reader, to entice you to buy a copy, I thought I would share some of the more recent reviews with you.

My old school mate Debbie sent me this text.

For more information on Debbie feel free to read 101 things you  probably didn't know about Andy G, and check out number 102.

My old shipmate Mia, who already wrote a review, sent me a second comment.

Sarah who worked with me at Vincents had this to say.

You should check out Sarahs website at www.SarahCoonan.com  She is very talented and you should buy one of her ceramics, or two. Or three. I did try to check out photo ghost but couldn't find it. So I don't know what it is. I can only assume it is some kind of spooky photographer.

Joyce also used to work for me at Vincents, I wrote for her the greatest reference ever written. I also once wrote a song about her. So buying my book was the least she could do.

My old shipmate Helen had this to say 

All the facebook hype has caused another old school mate, Clara, to invest in a copy.

Look at what these wonderful people have to say. How can you not want to buy my book now? It only costs £5.99! (plus postage and packaging) 

So surf your interwebs over to www.RandomAndom.com and buy the book that might just change your life!*

*This book is not guaranteed to change your life in anyway except to take up some time by reading some hilarious writing.

If you have bought my book, then I thank you, please let me know what you think of it. My next book will be a collaboration with the incredibly talented Diana Leto, hopefully I'll be able to tell you more about that soon. After that I have a couple of other ideas for books I'd like to do, both of which will be very different to Fifty Envelopes. But we shall see. In the meantime I really should be concentrating on my school work.

On that note, I better run, I have homework to do.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then you will be one of the first to know when my next book is available, and you might even get it cheaper.

The Tale Of Last Tuesday

Hi

Hows it goin?

Now I must admit that some parts of the story I'm about to tell you have not come from me. Mainly because I can't remember them.

Last Tuesday was a day like any other, I was in my Television Research class, The teacher was not there and as Class Rep I was left in charge. This was a terrible idea, but the teacher wasn't to know that at the time. I handed out the assignments, put round a register and then went mad with power. I think I expelled 3 people, but I'm not sure why. 

To distract myself from the rather boring conversations that some of my classmates were having, I put my headphones in and started work on one of the documentaries I need to make next year. (I'm thinking of doing mine on beer.)

It was then that the planets aligned, all the mystical forces of the universe were focused on me, or more specifically on my phone. 

I got a call.

A call that would change my life.

That previous sentence may be a bit overly dramatic. It probably didn't change my life, just my day.

The call came from Ivano, The Sommelier. He had to go to a wine tasting and Althea (his wife) was sick so she couldn't go. He asked if I would like to take her place. 
Now being the sensible, mature student that I am I of course said no, I had class in the afternoon and alot of work to do.

Ivano then used his super Italian mind control powers on me.

"Andy, there will be free wine, lot's of free wine."   he said.

"I'll see you there at half 1." 
I replied 

How could I not go? Everyone knows I love wine, especially free wine.

I told my tutor I had to work in the afternoon due to someone being sick. Which technically is true. I was testing wine in a professional capacity.

I jumped on the bus home, got changed and headed to the venue. By this point it was just after 1pm and I was starving. Fortunately I had been to a couple of these wine tastings before and I knew they always had a free lunch included. I arrived at 1:20 and met Ivano in the reception area, there were about 75 wines laid out on a table waiting to be tasted, but strangely there was no one tasting them. For a second I did wonder if this was an elaborate rues, perhaps Ivano had organised this to get me in a secure location where he would then extract my kidneys and sell them on the black market so he could pay off his ever increasing debts caused by his addiction to cabernet sauvignon. 

"Where is everyone?" I asked while slowly backing up towards the door.

"They're having lunch." Ivano informed me.

Bugger. 

I missed the free lunch.

To make matters worse I missed breakfast that day. I was bloody starving. 

I decided to put my hunger aside and start testing the wines. We started on the champagne, which was nice.

Then we moved onto the whites, lots and lots of white wine. Some of it was crap, some of it was very nice. I should point out that during the tasting Ivano was being very professional, he spat out all the wine.

I did not.

At this point I met one of the ambassadors for a very nice white wine. I forget the name. He was french and looked like Brandon Routh. (The guy who played Superman in Superman Returns)

After tasting what must have been around 30 white wines I am quite proud to say I was feeling only slightly tipsy. 

Then we moved onto the red, and even then, after drinking about another 20 samples of red wine I was still doing pretty good.

It came to around 4pm, and they were starting to pack everything away, it is then things become hazy. I remember drinking something red, something red and spanish. But that's all the details I can give you. To be honest it may have been the sauce from some Albondigas.

After that I don't know what happened.

I have a very vague memory of talking to Helen, I remember being in my flat and not being able to find my glass's and getting very angry about this. And then I remember being on a bus, a bus to Bridge of Don. A few days ago I spent about an hour looking for a couple of books I knew I already owned. I searched my flat and couldn't find them. I deduced they must be at my parents house in the loft. 

So on Tuesday evening in my drunken state I decided to go and get them. I'm not sure why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don't think I got the books, I remember climbing the ladder and I remember having an argument with my Mum.

However, there is a gap. 
A big gap.

According to my outgoing calls I spoke to Helen at 5:54pm. I left the wine tasting just before 4pm.

Where the hell was I for 2 hours??

My call log also tells another story.

I had 23 missed calls from Ivano.

That's worrying. 

I awoke on Wednesday morning, fully clothed and there was a strange smell in my room. (not the usual strange smell.) A whiff of red wine, mixed with an odour of vomit. I got out of bed and checked myself out in the mirror, as I stood up I nearly fell over, my ankle was killing me. 

What the hell happened?

It was then I discovered where that strange smell was coming from.

Me.

Or more specifically my jacket and my trousers.

I wandered through to the kitchen to get a desperately needed glass of water. My mouth was drier than Ghandi's flip flop.

But then I was in for another shock. My kitchen had been practically destroyed. Everything was lying on the floor.

The bin was over turned, pots and pans, and several broken glass's.

I now own about 2 glass's, yesterday I owned about 15.

For a minute I thought I had been robbed, but then I realised I had nothing valuable.

I missed school that day, I was up in time but I didn't have the motivation. I lay in bed trying to figure out what the hell happened.

My mind was drawing a blank.

The next day I had to work, it seemed tales of my exploits had already been told. No one was particularly surprised. I have a bad reputation.

I decided to try and get some answers, I called Ivano and got him to fill in some of the blanks.

The next several paragraphs are all what Ivano told me happened. 

Now I must point out that 99% of the things Ivano says are usually bollocks. He has a tendency to bull shit with the best of them. So there is no guarantee this is the truth and I really hope it isn't

According to Ivano as the wine tasting was finishing up, I attempted to steal a bottle of wine by subtly hiding it in my pocket After leaving the wine tasting we went to Mal Maison to talk to a sommelier we both know. Apparently while there I had a peroni and he quite sensibly had a coffee. I threw the beer away and wandered into the whisky tasting room. Not sure why.

I then returned and attempted to chat up the barmaid by talking about blow jobs. Not sure what angle I was going for there.

I then apparently went on a rant about rose wine and how it is only for girls and gays. 
I don't know why I would say that. 
I don't think that. 
At least I don't think I think that. 
Do I?

And then I got thrown out. Ivano tried to find me by checking every bar in the surrounding area, and calling me 23 times. I don't know why I didn't answer.

Ivano has advised me not to go to Mal Maison for at least a couple of months. 

This is quite worrying. I have absolutely no memory of these events taking place. I only have Ivano's word. 

But just to be safe I am not going to be visiting Mal Maison anytime in the near future.

Apparently Helen has recorded some of my drunken conversation to her, I really, really hope she deletes it.

Fortunately Althea did not record the conversation I apparently had with her where I was sick, repeatedly.

So all as a result of Ivano's initial phone call on a Tuesday morning.

I still don't know what happened to my ankle.

My kitchen now smells of red wine and vomit.

And I am now using jam jars for drinking glass's.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will take you to a wine tasting.