30 Day Challenge Day 2: A picture of yourself and the person you have been closest with the longest.

Hi

How's it goin? 

The 30 Day Challenge continues with A picture of yourself and the person you have been closest with the longest.

It's only day two and I'll admit to struggling a wee bit with this one.

The obvious answer would be Adam, he's my brother from another mother. But I have friends who I have known much longer than him. Another obvious choice would be a family member, obviously I have known them the longest as they have had the luxury of knowing me since the day I was born. And they have been cursing my name ever since.

After much consideration I decided to go with,

Dr Kev.

Dr Kev and I met when we were ten years old. Several months ago Kev got married to Alice, and then they both buggered off to Australia. I was master of ceremonies at the wedding. And for some reason I had to give a speech about a wedding cake.
I am still not sure why. 
But I am never one to shy away from a challenge, so when the day came I gave the best speech about a wedding cake ever given in the history of everything.
Also, possibly the first.
The night before Kev got married, I made a startling discovery. One which shook me to my very core. In nearly 18 years of friendship I was shocked to discover that,
Kev Snores!
And not just a little.
We were sharing a room the night before the wedding and fook me. It was like sleeping in the same room as a wild animal. It was terrifying.
But Kev's wedding is a story for another day. One which might be available in book form before the end of the year.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe the next time I write about someone I am close to, it will be you.*

*Probably not.

The Tale Of Last Saturday: Drunken Flying, Potential Gayness and very sore feet.

Hi

How's it goin? 

And so the weekend has landed, here's how my Saturday went.

Saturday February 5th 2011

I am fairly certain that the new washing machine is not working properly. Either this or I didn't set it up properly. Nah. It must be broken, that's the only logical explanation. Everything that comes out is absolutely soaking. Obviously it's gonna come out wet, but it's very wet. And dripping all over the floor.

This is worrying.

I spent most of the day in my bed, around half 2 I began to feel guilty about not doing anything productive. So I went out for a run,  I took Grappa The Crazy Killer Demon Dog From Hell with me again. I'm secretly hoping that she will somehow escape from her lead and run under a bus. I would never intentionally kill the dog, even though I fucking hate the thing. But if the dog dies by escaping from me and getting run over by a bus and her brains splatter all over the pavement. Well that's not my fault is it? Most people think the dog is actually really nice. Well it's not. The dog is a dick, and want's to kill me. I have proof.

See?

Tonight Laura and I are going to a Burns Supper. Albeit a delayed one. Burns night was actually over a week ago. But I'm not complaining. It was for her friends pipe band. I had met these guys only once before and they were good banter. 

I was told this was an informal thing, which threw me somewhat. For the better part of two weeks I annoyed Laura constantly about whether or not I should Kilt up!

Everyone knows I look good in a Kilt.

But this was an informal Burns supper. What should I do? I didn't want to go and be the only guy there NOT wearing a kilt. Laura's mate said I could do whatever I wanted, kilt up or not kilt up. It's a question that has plagued man kind since the beginning of time. 


Well, it's plagued scottish men.

Apparently the band were all going to be in kilts. So should I wear a kilt and blend in? What if someone think's I'm in the band, and force me up on stage to play something? It'll be like that scene out of American Pie 2 when Jim has to play the trumpet and pretend he is a retard.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

So for the majority of this week, I have been pre occupied about whether or not to kilt up! Then Saturday evening arrived, and the decision was made for me. I looked out my kilt, and discovered that my shirt had not been washed since the last time I wore it. At Kev and Alice's Wedding. And after the events of the wedding my shirt was not in a fit state. You see, dear reader, as I am sure you are aware, I am at times a bit of a drunken moron.
Just look at this for proof.
Or this.
Or even this.

The wedding of Kev and Alice was no exception to my drunken antics. At one point I was slapping Mark's ass with a tambourine. Although I'm not really sure why.

I'm not going to go into the rest of the wedding, as that's a story for another day. However, I will tell you how I ruined my shirt. It was late on in the evening, and Kev was outside having a cheeky fag. Earlier that day he told me he wasn't going to smoke, and if he did I was to stop him. This was a task I did not undertake lightly. As soon as I heard what Kev was doing, I put down my pint next to the three others I had waiting for me. (People kept buying me drinks, I'm not sure why, possibly to see what would happen for comedy value.) I stormed outside as fast as my drunken feet could carry me. However it had been raining outside, and the outside decking was very slippery. And as I stormed outside determined to stop my friend from smoking, I slipped. I didn't just slip a little bit though. I slipped in such an over the top comedy manner. I went flying through the air. I honestly believe that time slowed down and I was moving in slo-mo. At one point as I was in mid air, I thought that perhaps I had finally discovered my latent super power. Maybe I had the ability to fly. Maybe this was my grand moment where my powers would manifest themselves, and I would fly off into the night, to become KILT MAN. But then Gravity took over, I did not fly off, and I still remember being in the air and thinking,


"Well this can't be good."


I came crashing down to the ground with a thunderous thunder. I heard laughing, lots of laughing. I saw pointing, lots of pointing. Then the pointing and laughing combined. People were pointing, and laughing, at me. In my drunken state I searched my brain for some way out of this situation. There must be someway to keep some smidgen of dignity and self respect in this situation. Then I had an idea. I would just stay on the ground.
I just lay there, on the ground in a, "I'm just lying on the deck to chill out" sort of way.
I don't think that was the vibe I was giving off, but it was what I was aiming for. Obviously the deck was very wet, and a bit muddy. Which in turn transferred that mud onto my brand new white shirt. Which now had a slightly brown motif to it. And was ripped. 
The rest of that night is somewhat of a drunken blur. And I had forgotten all about my drunken stumble and ruining of my kilt shirt until the very moment I opened up my kilt bag to put on my kilt shirt.


So back to the present day, my decision was made for me, my kilt shirt was ruined. Yes I had other shirts I could have worn, but I felt this was destiny telling me not to wear a kilt. And I'm glad I didn't. I would have been incredibly over dressed. The only people in Kilts were the band, and most of them changed out of them after they played a couple of tunes. 


The night was being held in a social clubs function. The last time I was in this particular building was for a wake. This visit was definitely more cheery. It was also incredibly cheap. I drank. A lot.
The purpose of the night was a fundraiser for the band. They had food included in the ticket price and then a raffle, you got one free raffle ticket upon entry and you had to pay for more if you wanted. In an attempt to impress Laura's friends I had donated a raffle prize. A gift voucher for Vincents. I was tempted to give them a copy or two of my book, but I have to pay for them. 
Myself and Laura both bought raffle tickets, and I am gutted to say that neither of us won anything.
WTF?
I donated a prize!
The least they could do was fix it so I could win something.
We decided to drown our sorrows in Jaeger Bombs.
Several of them in fact. It was at this point that the night starts to become a bit hazy.


I asked on facebook if any of my pal's were out tonight. This sparked a massive debate.

So my Auntie Pat think's I'm a gay. This is something that my Mum once thought also. When I first got the job on the QE2, one of the first things she said to me was,


"There's a lot of gay boys on ship's Andrew."


And when I came home on my first leave, Mum was on the phone to someone while I was in sitting in the same room. This was the conversation.


"Yeah, Andrew's been home for about a week now, my ironing has tripled and he's been out drinking every night. No he hasn't come home with a girlfriend......... or a boyfriend. At least that would be something."


Then she glared at me. 


Maybe this is something I should bring up with my hetrosexual rep at School.


Anyway, back to the night. We left the venue around 1ish and decided to head home. This sparked a massive debate about which way to go for a taxi. I suggested we walk towards my house and try and flag one down on the way. She said we should walk towards town and get one at a taxi rank. 
I won. We were staying at my house. So it's my rules.
I will admit that my memory of this is incredibly hazy, but this is what happened as best as I can remember it.


About 3 minutes into our walk towards my place. Laura started moaning that her feet were soar because of her shoes.


Fooking women and shoes. I'll never get it. 


I gave her a piggy back for about 500 yards during which time two taxi's past us by. Clearly not stopping because we appeared to be too drunkards staggering home and no taxi driver would be stupid enough to take us. I then stopped the piggy backing in an attempt to look more sober and deserving to passing taxi's. Laura continued to moan, about her feet. After another five minutes of this moaning I couldn't take anymore. I gave her my shoes. She walked home in my shoes and I walked home in my socks.


Laura if you are reading this, (and I know you are)  I gave you my shoes because I am a very nice, sweet, kind man. And since I am such a nice, sweet, kind man, and I gave you my shoes to walk home in, you must promise NOT to read the next paragraph.


Promise?
Ok. good.


Dear reader.
I did not give Laura my shoes to be nice and sweet. I gave her my shoes as it was the only way to get her to stop fooking moaning! Fooking women and shoes. You're all fooking nuts!




Ok Laura you can read on now.

And so ends another fun filled Saturday night in the life of Andy G. Join me tomorrow at the crack of noon, when I tell you...
The Tale of Last Sunday: Hangover sandwiches, smelling of poo and a mega cookie.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will some up with a funny blog title with YOUR name in it. Wouldn't that be lovely?

Dr Kev's Retro Pub Crawl

Hi

How's it goin? 

My mate Dr Kev got married and moved to Australia a few months ago. I finally managed to talk to him on Skype a few days ago. It turns out he has received funding from his employer to stay in the country for another 3 years.

I was of course very happy for my friend at getting such good news. I must admit to being secretly disappointed as this means I won't see him for quite some time. Which is annoying. Kev can always be counted on for a couple of pints and to cook me dinner.

Kev got married to Alice on July 31st and moved to Australia just a couple of days later. So two nights before Kev's wedding, we did the only sensible thing we could do. We organised a retro pub crawl. We returned to the pubs and clubs we used to frequent when we were 18.

As regular readers will know I attended four weddings this summer, I have written up my account of the weddings and the various stag do's / nights out that surrounded all of them, but it is a hell of a lot. I may save it for a multi part blog post or put them out in a book for your reading pleasure. 

I have a great deal written about the retro pub crawl, but again it is too much for one blog post. Instead of going into great detail I thought I would share with you a couple of pics and videos I didn't even know I had. I discovered them on my phone a couple of days ago and thought it best to share them with you.

These were taken in The Priory in Aberdeen, which is well known for being shit. But this was a retro pub crawl, and we went there when we were 18 so we had to go back. We rather stupidly decided to have a "Purple Rain."

A Purple Rain is a cocktail which involves lots of alcohol, lighting said alcohol on fire, capturing the fumes in another glass, extinguish the flame, drink the drink, inhale the fumes you captured in the other glass, then snorting the residue off another glass. It's minging. Fuck knows who invented it and why. They must have been off their heads.

Here's the barmaid preparing our "Purple Rains" Or "Blue stuff which is about to be set of fire."

Kev arguing with the Barman.

Then it just got too much for Kev and Dave.

The Purple Rains!

Then Nick started a dance off with a stranger.

Then for some very unknown reason, after all of us having our purple rains and wanting to do nothing else but leave Priory. Rushton then went and bought another round. To this day no one knows why.

If you can't see any of the video's above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."
If you do subscribe then one day I will take you to the Priory and buy you a Purple Rain.

BRB

Hi 

Hows it goin? 

Well that's it. 

I have attended my four weddings.

(Not MY weddings, I am not a serial bigamist.) 

A massive Thank You to Ian & Kat, Ali & Jo, Claire & Kenny, and Kev & Alice.

Every wedding I was lucky enough to attend was brilliant.

Kev's wedding was this weekend just passed. It was awesome. I had to give a speech. I think it went well. I got a fair few drinks out of it so I was happy.

I will get around to writing about all these weddings eventually, but I have been very busy for the past few weeks with a couple of projects, I'm not quite ready to share these with the world yet, but soon.

I am also unsure as to when I will be able to write on this blog again.

I am gonna be incredibly busy for the next few weeks as I have a new job. It's just temporary until I go back to school, but hopefully it will give me enough money to survive. As regular readers will know I have been having a lot of money problems lately.

It's gotten to the point where, yesterday I was in town and I saw a bus coming around the corner and I thought to myself, if I get hit by that bus I could sue! As long as he just hits my arm or something, not a full running over. I would get a shit load of money. I'd probably also get to star in one of those claims direct adverts. Brilliant.

I didn't get hit by the bus, He was too good a driver.

Bastard.

So with any luck I'll get enough cash from this new temp job to get me through until student loan day.

I do love student loan day.

Hopefully I will see you all soon.

Don't miss me too much.

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then when student loan day eventually comes I will buy you a pint.

I'm getting old

Hi 

Hows it goin? 

Yesterday was my 28th birthday!

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, and to those of you who didn't, well I think my facebook status update says it all.

This is not the first time Bob has told me he loves me, and it won't be the last. Can't say I blame him.

And as for you Ian, that's your excuse for everything.

It wasn't just my birthday yesterday. I am lucky enough to share my Birthday with 3 of my friends. (I'm generous like that) 

 Aders

Who as you can tell, I am very fond of.

Martin, my old shipmate from The QE2

Martin is the guy in between myself and Jonny Torpedo, I'm not sure why but Jonny does appear to be bumming him.

And Jeanine from Ottos

Who is not nearly as good a Karaoke singer as I am

I hope you guys all had a great day. More exciting that mine anyway.

I didn't even have a drink. 

I have had a lot of birthday's (28 to be exact) and the majority of them I can't remember, mainly due to alcohol. My 21st was on board the ship, I remember a bucket of homemade punch, I think I wore a hat. And I kissed a girl. On the lips. Which was nice.

My 22nd birthday was a surprise party in the cabin thrown by Bob. I wanted a nap, then he opened the cabin door and about 15 people strolled into a cabin that could barely hold myself and Bob. This was in the middle of the afternoon, I then had to work dinner service while quite drunk. I don't think any of the customers noticed tho. Except for the woman who's head I dropped the fish on.

For my 25th Birthday we got all the birthday boys and girls together. Marks Birthday is the 26th, his wife Kim's is the 20th, Jonny Mountain is the 23rd, and mine and Aders is the 28th. We had a big night out with dinner at Vincents, then headed into town. I don't remember much, except I think my work got me a Doctor Who cake. Which was nice.

And for the past two years I have been working on my birthday. So yesterday I woke up at stupid o'clock in the morning and headed to college. I am finished all my work, but I promised I would help someone out with filming. 

On the way to school I noticed something odd, the hot girl ratio had increased, dramatically. Usually you see a few nice looking ladies in the city centre but today was mental. Everyone was stunning! I began to think that something was wrong, was this real? 

Was I dreaming?

Was I in The Matrix?

Was this a computer generated fantasy of my own creation?

Was I hallucinating due to the fact I hadn't had a Red Bull in over a month and was now suffering from with drawl?

Perhaps not, perhaps this was reality, maybe this was the wisdom that came with age, the ability to see hot girls everywhere!

Pretty cool super power.

I then walked into a shop to get a much needed Red Bull, I had a hard days filming ahead of me and I needed the energy boost. My dream was then shattered. The person who served me was not attractive. I say person because I am unsure whether it was a man or a woman.

Damn!

So I mosied onwards to school for filming. I am not entirely sure what the film is about, which is odd seeing as this was my second day on the set. Something about time travel and re incarnation. Seems pretty good so far tho. I'm looking forward to seeing the finished product.

Here's a sneak peak:

SPOILER ALERT!!

Yeah, it's a bit of a mind fuck!

So I was in the studio from 9-5, then came home and did something I have never, ever done before.

I cleaned my flat.

But I properly cleaned it, I even hoovered! Until yesterday I was pretty sure that the hoover was actually some kind of sculpture. I daren't touch it incase I invalidate the insurance.

After cleaning the flat I was filled with a strange sense of satisfaction, I had done something sensible. Cleaned up, and cleaned up properly! 

I then did something more unusual. 

I went for a run!

I was being sensible and kinda healthy!

What the hell is happening to me?

Age really does change you.

So I have decided to turn over a new leaf. From now on, everyday I will do some form of exercise and something productive. I have just over 4 weeks until Kev and Alice's wedding. I have already impressed his future in laws with the greatest R.S.V.P. ever written. (I'll share it with you one day if you're lucky) So now I need to impress all the ladies in attendance, which means losing the beer belly!

So that's the new me, the new sensible 28 year old me!

Altho after my run I did have a pizza and a blueberry muffin. But it's my birthday, I deserved something.

But I will try and stick to my new healthy sensible lifestyle. It might be difficult as Adam is on his way to Aberdeen for a couple of days and I have Ali's wedding on Saturday.

Oh well.

At least I have good intentions.

Thats All For Now 

Until Next Time 

Have A Nice 

Andy G 

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then maybe one day I will show you the R.S.V.P I sent to Kev's future in laws*

Does not apply if you are Kev or Alice, Or Alice's parents.

Birthdays & Weddings

Hi

Hows it goin?

Its my blog's first brithday.

It was one year ago on this very day when I posted my first entry!

I imaginitively titled it First Entry.

Yeah I know, I really have a way with words

One year ago today I was optimistic about getting into the RSAMD. I was uncertain about the future, I was working like a bastard in Tapas Towers, and I'm farily certain I wasn't this fat.

Who know's where's I'll be when this blog hits its second birthday?

With any luck I'll be nearly finished my second year and final year at school and filling out an application form for that job at R.S. Mccoll.

Or maybe not, maybe I will finally crack and beat one of the customers in the restaurant to death.

Maybe Mother Tuckers will have me "taken care of."

Maybe my dedicated fans at Wowzies will make me a spokesperson and I can make enough money to retire at the ripe old age of 28.

I am cautiously optimistic about the year ahead, as I stated a few weeks ago, I will be 28 at the end of June. I have ran the numbers and 28 should be my perfect year. Click here if you don't believe me.

In the short term I have 4 weeks to finish my school work and then roll on the summer.

I have 4 weddings this summer (hopefully no funerals).

Wedding 1

Ian & Kat

June 12th

Edinburgh

Ian is getting married on an island a short ferry ride from Edinburgh. Ian is quite possibly the most organised person I have ever met in my entire life so I expect his wedding to be exceptional. Due to unexpected circumstances he even organised his own stag do.

I really think Ian's wedding is gonna set the bar pretty high. I have no role in this wedding, as I have written before about the various roles in weddings you will realise I am quite glad of this, mainly because I fully expect to be incredibly drunk for the entire weekend in Edinburgh.

That being said, the last time I saw Ian he did mention something to me about Bob and I being the flower boys.

Ians stag do kicks off tomorrow, an activities weekend in Aberfeldy, I will let you know if Ian makes it through the weekend alive. He probably will, and Ian if you're reading this, don't worry mate, I'm sure you're hair will grow back after we shave it all off, strip you down, tie you to a lampost cover you in treacle and leave you for a few hours.

Oops, have I just spoiled the surprise?

Wedding 2

Ali & Jo

July 3rd

Haddo House

Ali had his stag do last weekend and sadly I couldn't make it. I simply can't afford it at the moment. I am truly sorry I missed it. It certainly counds like it was interesting, on the first day Ali broke his leg.

Looking forward to seeing the first dance at his wedding. Ali is getting married at Haddo House, a place which until two weeks ago I thought only did pantomimes.

Wedding 3

Claire & Kenny

July 16th

Somewhere in the countryside

I have no idea where they are actually getting married, I have been told the name, but I have no dea where it actually is. Ian is meant to be loooking into somewhere for us to stay, and I will be relying on him for transport, this should be a great wedding. The last time myself and this particular gang of people had a big night out was Claire's 21st. And at the end of that night I ended up posting my superman underwear through someones letter box.

Wedding 4

Kev & Alice

July 31st

Its either aboyne or alford, I keep forgetting

And this is the wedding to finish off the summer, I have a vital role in this wedidng, I am the master of ceremonies, I have a bell to ring and everything! I think Kev's wedding could quite possibly be the best of the bunch, not just cos I have a small role in it, but because it's gonna be epic. And it think that adequalty explains it. Kev's having his stag do in mid June when we are going on a canal boat holiday. Having worked on the QE2 for a couple of years my experience will no doubt be invaluable. I'm still on the look out for some sort of hat that is appropriate for a stag do on a boat. If anyone see's anything then let me know.

Even tho at all of these weddings I am not meant to make a speech, I am thinking of making one anyway, or at least getting up on stage and having a sing song. However, being the drunken idiot that I am, I suspect it might go a little bit, like this.

Worst Wedding DJ Ever from Jerry O'Connell

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will show you photo's of what we will have done to Ian and Kev on there stag do's.

If Ian and Kev are reading this, be afraid, be very afraid.