Tuesday, 3 November 2009

American Idiot? AKA The Longest Entry EVER!

Hows it goin?
I'm good, thanks for asking,
Oh hang on a minute,
you didn't!!
You inconsiderate BASTARD!
Sorry I've just had a red bull and it's got me a little excited.
Your not an inconsiderate bastard, your lovely. In fact you are so lovely you smell like a meadow.
In a good way.
Now be warned! I've just finished writing this blog entry and come back to the start to warn you, gentle reader of what lies ahead. This is a warning from the future!! This entry is really long. Sorry about that, you don't have to read it, but maybe you should, maybe your in it. I thought about cutting it down and posting it over a few days, but i can't be arsed now. That would mean copying and pasting stuff and posting new stuff and all that bollocks and i can't be arsed with that. So here it is. The longest blog entry ever. Enjoy
So its been a booze fuelled week.
Sean The American was visiting from New York. I worked over there for 5 months last year. I'll be honest, it wasn’t the best. The restaurant just wasn’t that good, as you can tell by some of the reviews. But I made some great friends, the staff there were ace. We had a good laf, even tho sometimes they hated me.
But that’s alright, Im a bit of a dick.
Sean was one of the waiters in Luigi's and for some reason he seems to believe he is Scottish.

Here he is engaging in the age old scottish tradition of wearing a kilt and threatening a woman with a sword.

We've all done it! don't say you haven't.
Americans are just plain weird, they all think they are something else, they’ll say they’re Irish/Italian or German/Romanian when they are clearly just plain fucken American!
Bloody Yanks!
Anyway ever since I left NYC Sean said he wanted to come over to see The Bonnie Scot. I thought he was all talk, he’s never left the united states and If its your first time leaving America why come to Aberdeen?
But a few weeks ago he called and said he’d booked a week off work and could he come over to stay.
So on October 28th 2009, just over one year since I left NYC, Sean arrived in Scotland…………

His flight was initially delayed by half an hour, that’s not a big deal, he was getting in early so this meant an extra half hour in bed.
My friend Aders, being the legend that he is, gave me a lift to the airport to pick up Sean. Thanks again for that.
I hurried into the airport expecting to see a semi drunken American wandering around arrivals asking everyone there if they know Andy,
but alas I did not.
The screen said his flight landed at 09:10, it was only 09:15 so I assumed he’s still getting off the plane.
A few minutes pass, I see some people come thru from international arrivals, my eyes are peeled but no sign of the American.
A few more minutes pass and still no sign, he must be waiting for his bag.

45 minutes later
I get a phone call
(phone rings)
Andy: Hello
Some Woman: Hello is this Andy Graham?
Andy: Yes. Who’s this?
Some Woman: My name’s Elizabeth are you in Aberdeen airport right now?
Andy: Yes, why are you stalking me?
Elizabeth: I’m calling from the immigration desk at Aberdeen airport, can I ask who you are waiting for?
Andy: My friend Sean, Sean Pogan.
Elizabeth: Ok great, he’s been held up here, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Andy(confused): why? I’m already in the country?
Elizabeth: I just need to clarify a few details.
Andy: ermmmm, alright.
Elizabeth: How do you know Mr Pogan?
Andy: I met him last year in New York.
Elizabeth: and what were you doing over there?
Andy: I was working, and drinking, mainly drinking.
Elizabeth: I see, and how long exactly have you known Mr Pogan?
Andy: about a year and a half.
Elizabeth: and how do you keep in touch with him?
Andy: on the phone and facebook, we tried using carrier pigeons but we never seen them again, I assume they are being served as main courses by my previous employer.
Elizabeth: Your previous employer served illegal meat?
Andy: No. That was a joke. A bad one admittedly.
Elizabeth: What is the purpose of Mr Pogans Visit?
Andy: a holiday.
Elizabeth: and what will you be doing?
Andy: drinking mainly.
Elizabeth: Drinking?
Andy: yeah you know, beers, spirits some incredibly disgusting shots that will probably lead to the both of us dancing like a couple of idiots in a night club somewhere.
Elizabeth: I see, and what do you do for a living?
Andy: I’m a student.
Elizabeth(sounding very suspicious): A student? where?
Andy: Aberdeen College. Why does that matter?
Elizabeth: So you wouldn’t be able to financially support Mr Pogan?
Andy: What? No of course not. I can’t financially support myself.
Elizabeth: Ok well thanks for talking to me, I'll try and get Mr Pogan through shortly.
Andy: What is this all about?
Elizabeth then hung up.

So approximately 2 and a half hours after he was due to arrive, Sean was finally allowed to come into the country.
Clearly he was knackered, but he seemed keen to start his vacation and experience anything and everything Scottish.
First stop on our trip was to Ma Cameron's, I’m told it’s the oldest pub in Aberdeen. Although that might be bollocks.
Since Sean believes himself to be Scottish, I thought he should try the most Scottish thing there is,

No, not beating up an Englishman

Haggis, neeps & tatties, and a pint of tennants.
At night we headed out into the metropolis that is Aberdeen city centre, went to a couple of pubs with Kev and Dave where the banter was in full force as you can see.

It wasn’t too late a night as first thing the next morning we were off to Edinburgh.
Aders was good enough to drive us down and on the way we stopped for breakfast at the greatest restaurant in Scotland.

It was a long day and we had to start it off properly with one of the horns world famous Bacon Butties. It was also here where we introduced Sean to the wonder that is Irn Bru.

It's been 2 months since I left the capital & I was excited to be back in Edinburgh, as were the boys, see how happy they are?

I lived there for nearly a year and I never got round to doing any of the touristy things and it was good to see a few old mates from the Tapas Towers.

We went up to the castle for the one o clock gun where everyone, including me, jumped when it went off. I thought we still had 5 minutes so I had a good excuse. After the castle, we had a wander down the Royal mile where Sean bought a couple of presents and souvenirs, including a Kilt.
We then went for Lunch at my old work, The Tapas Towers. Was great to see my ex co workers, even the girl who hates me. (Ula, I know you hate me. I shouted at her once because she went for a cigarette when I told her not too, ever since then she hated me.)
At night we went on a ghost tour, it was alright. Not as good as I was hoping for, there were a couple of bits with audience participation and one bit where some guy jumped out at you but it was nothing too exciting.

After the ghost tour I had arranged some old friends from the Tapas Towers to meet us in the pub where the famous "we saw people shagging through a window" incident happened. I was hoping for a repeat performance for comedy value, but sadly there was no show that night. Phil the Magician of Tapas Towers fame was first to meet us in the pub with his Girlfriend. She asked us the greatest question I have ever or probably will ever be asked.

How do you cook a smurf?

What a brilliant question! how do you cook a smurf?

This sparked a lively debate regarding various cooking methods. I suggested boil them like pasta.

Someone said pan fry with garlic and oil, and someone else said my personal favourite,

Smurf Kebab.

Phil being the alcoholic genius that he is, arranged a small drinking game for us. He ordered an incredibly vile looking drink and placed it in the centre of the table, I wont go into the details of the game because I can't really be arsed. I was convinced I was going to lose and have to down this ectoplasm looking concoction, luckily I was second out which meant I didn't have to drink it.
It came down to Phil & Sean. The last round was tense, everyone was on the edge of there seats, It came to the crucial point in the game.

And Phil LOST!

I found this incredibly amusing.

The drinks continued to flow and the banter was top notch. It was great to see those guys again. I apologise to my Drinking Team Brother, Jonny Torpedo, as I got far too drunk and was in my bed by the time he finished work, we were meant to meet for a drink in our old local. sorry bud, I'll cya soon tho!
Sadly we could only spend one night in Edinburgh as I had to be in class on friday as its Assessment time at school just now so I can't afford to miss anything.
So first thing friday morning, we raped the breakfast buffet, then raced back up to the deen so I could get back in time for class.


We made it back in plenty of time for my assessment (I kicked ass by the way) and Sean slept the afternoon away.
For dinner I thought I should introduce Sean to another fine scottish tradition, Curry.
We went to The Manzil on King Street. It was really good. was £12 for a buffet and was well worth it. We had 4 trips. plus dessert! I may use one of me 50 envelopes to send them a letter to to say how excellent i thought they were.
After dinner we headed to the pub and arranged to meet up with My friend Althea, her best mate visiting from France so I thought we should get the two tour groups together and have a decent international night out.

Witness Sean's attempt to befriend the girls

He stands nearby as they dance away, eagerly awaiting an opportunity to join them.

The Song changes to "Born In The USA" he see's his moment for glory and he takes it!

Within seconds Althea has forgotten all about poor Fred and is dancing the night away with Sean.

Friday night we also arranged to meet up with a few pals who were out in costume, they were all dressed up as thunder cats.
Why were they out on friday night you say?
Friday wasn't halloween,
your absolutely right, Apparently one night a year dressed like a twat isn't enough for some people. But to each there own I suppose. I'm one to talk, I'm dressed like a twat most days.

Goggs was dressed as Liono and was perhaps the more excited than anyone about this night, I think he should always wear his hair like that.

Ali also looked amazin, Altho in fairness he did cheat, he had someone professionally design & make his costume. Fair play to him tho, he did paint his body grey.

Stevo I think was the best as Tigra, he spent 2 hours before he left doing his costume. It was in my opinion the best. He won't remember me saying this to him on the night because by the time we saw him in espionage he was drunker than a drunk mans drunken donkey

After the club we headed to the always awesome Soul Casino, Sean had never gambled before so I thought it was about time he was introduced to evil game that is roulette. At one point he was £80 down, he did manage to win back £30 of that so he was only £50 down at the end of the night.


So this Halloween has been drama, drama. Everyone is going as thundercats, everyone is going as cartoon characters, its a pub crawl, its a party at some club, it's a party at someone's house, its two nights, its one night.

Fuck sake, why does it have to be so fucken complicated.

In the end, some guys went out on friday night dressed as Thundercats (I still don't know why) and then we all went to a party at Goggs house on saturday. Some people went as thundercats both nights, I didn't dress up on friday as I didn't see the point.
Saturday night I went out dressed as my Hero

And Sean went out dressed as his

When it comes to Halloween, Goggs is perhaps one of the most enthusiastic people I have ever

met. It was him who organised our Top Gun night a couple of years ago, altho I think he did this just so he can go out dressed as maverick and chat up girls.

Fair play to him tho, as I recall it worked.

Anyway he has been the source of the majority of the drama surrounding halloween and the whole two nights as Thundercats extravaganza.

Goggs was expecting us around half seven, we arrived fashionably late just before 9. Some of the guys did quite well in there costumes.

I did feel sorry for mark tho, nobody noticed he painted his skin yellow for homer simpson till at least an hour into the party. The celebrations were saved by Stevo and his deck of cards.

We all gathered round the snooker table to play RING OF FIRE. This is a fantastic drinking game where every card has a different rule atached to it and it really fucks you up in a short space of time.

After everyone was chucked out of Goggs party at half ten, we headed to town. Visited a few pubs on Queens road where we were the only people in fancy dress and eventually made it into tow.
The city centre was HEAVING!! I have never seen town so busy. We waited about 20 minutes to get into espionage and about 30 minutes to get a drink.
After eventually getting served we were all keen to get to the dance floor. I don't remember much from then on but i do remember dancing like a twat, as per usual. Sean disappeared with a blonde. he told me he was quite keen to shag a scottish girl while on holiday, so looks like he got to check that off the list. I bumped into him outside and he said he was gonna head off with the girl. I reminded him of my address and sent him on his way, I honestly did not think he would be able to find his way back and fully expected never to see him again.
The rest of us headed off to find food.

The next morning I was amazed when Sean appeared at my door. I was impressed, but in all honesty i was also bit disappointed. I had most of his stuff on e-bay already.

The rest of the day was a total write off. We were both asleep before 8pm.

So this was Sean's last day, I was in school all day so I left Sean to his own devices. We went out for curry again for dinner with Stevo & Nic and then out for a couple of beers afterwards. I think all the drinking had caught up with him.

Bloody americans!!

Thats all for now

Bloody hell i wrote alot there eh? i wonder if anyone will actually read all this?

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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