I am Unemployed!

The grumpy old woman has her turkey in front of her, she still looks annoyed.

"You can stop now because I'm not listening" she moans

"Then what's the point in asking then?" I reply

"This service is not good enough!" The bloke next to her chimes in.

"Thats it, I officially don't care, I resign, I can't do this crap anymore, I quit!"

I announce to the table.

I take off my tie and storm off!

3 hours earlier................

It's fucking freezing. I am currently walking down Great Western Road on my way to another christmas shift at Vincents. I'm knackered. I've done 5 shifts this week in that bloody restaurant. I use to work there 6 days a week, but I left that lifestyle for a very good reason.

"It's only for another week." I tell myself.

I keep wandering down the frozen pavement. I'm walking for a couple of reasons, first of all is to get some exercise, I figure if I walk to work and to school everyday it can't hurt.

And I missed the bus!

Little did i know this small annoyance of walking in the freezing cold would be the least of my worries in a couple of hours from then.

I arrived at the restaurant, took a look at the bookings for that evening and checked out where I would be working. Tables 1,2 and 3 with Gillian & Katrina, I usually take the order from one table and leave the girls to deal with the rest so I am free to help everyone else when they get busy. We had a party of 100 in from some oil company. And I hated them ALL. They were all rude, stupid, drunk and a gigantic pain in the arse! So many people took the wrong food. They ordered turkey and took the chicken, this led to chaos at every table because people were getting the wrong food and in some cases having to wait for a fresh meal to be cooked. This didn't happen just once or twice, it happened all night.

One guy arrived late when everyone was just getting starters. I went over to get his order so he could eat at the same time as everyone else.

"I am not eating." he said.

Perfect, thats one less thing for me to do.

10 minutes later I was walking past the table when he shouted at me.

"Bring me the chicken!" He demanded.

"I'm sorry sir?" I asked

"I want the chicken, I probably won't eat it but bring it to me" he drunkenly blurted out in a foreign accent.

"Your not going to eat it sir?"

"No i don't think so."

"Well I don't see the point in giving you the chicken just to look at sir."

"Bring me the chicken!"

"Alright sir, I'll put your order in now."

A few minutes later that table are all happily eating away and the chicken guy is not touching his. I ask the table,

"Hows everyones dinner?"

One lady points to the chicken guy but doesn't say anything

"Is something wrong sir?" I ask.

"I don't want the gravy, I didn't know it came with gravy."

"It said it on the menu sir."

" I didn't read that."

This was a typical example of these customers. This happened throughout the night. One woman said she had been waiting for over 2 hours and was ready to leave. I was very tempted to tell her to go. I explained that her table was the last to order so her table would be the last to be served.

As I walked away I heard her say to her mate,

"Last table, I don't think so."

So I went and got the order pads, all the waitress's write the time the order was taken. I took them over and showed her the times.

It was just a continuous flow of bitchieness from the whole group. If it wasn't one thing it was another.

And hang on a second why am I dealing with this shite?

I'm not in charge.

Its my only stupid fault for wearing a tie!

People think I'm the manager. Well if the full time manager is there then fuck it! I'm wearing the same uniform as the rest of the staff and blending into the background!

Another guy came up to me to have a whinge about waiting. I explained the same thing to him, and he had a bit of a go at me. It turns out he was the organiser of this event. It was the same guy and I assume his ugly wife who had a go at me which I detailed at the beginning of this entry.

Once I announced my resignation, it felt like a great weight had been lifted.

It was Awesome!

I threw my Christmas tie in the office and stormed off down stairs. I felt bad, so I helped out there for a bit. I didn't do much tho. I helped to move a table and polished cutlery for half an hour and the proceeded to get very, very drunk!

I waited for a couple of other staff to finish and we headed to the bar, I then drank a hell of a lot. I had beers, then shots, then more beers, then champagne, then more shots. It was here I took my vengeance upon the bastards who had ruined my night. They had a bar tab going. And they paid for all my drinks, as well as the drinks of everyone I was with!

IN YOUR FUCKING FACE YOU OIL COMPANY BASTARDS!!!

GO AND EAT YOUR FUCKING CHICKEN WITH NO FUCKING GRAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my 4th xmas at Vincents and I never cracked before. Christmas 2007 was the most stressful time of my entire life, that christmas was one of the main reasons I left that job in the first place. I said to myself then that would be my last christmas there, sadly I was mistaken.

This job is of course only temporary, its just to give me the money to pay my bills. I very much look forward to the time when I no longer have to work in restaurants. I just hate the public. I never used to. I used to quite like the restaurant biz. Now I can't stand it! I always worked really hard in every job I've had, I use to make sure every customer left happy, and every now and then you'll get a twat that you just can't please. I think that all changed when I went to Luigi's in New York. The customers there were just fucking morons. The food was also a bit shit but it was mainly the customers and the overwhelmingly large amount of arrogance they all had. It also didn't help when I moved to Edinburgh and started at The Tapas Towers. I really liked working there but alot of the customer were just fucking evil!

Fuck knows what I'll do when I finish my course, maybe get a job in Rs Mccoll. At least then I can read all the magazines for free, and the public are only in there for seconds at a time.

The top 5 worst services I have ever worked are (in no particular order)

• The Hairdressers From Hell
• The Seven Straw Incident
• The Night I Quit! (this story)
• Kevin The Chefs Last Night
• The Festival Weekend at Ottos.

I will eventually write a report on all these incidents which I am sure will bore you a great deal if you choose to read them.

It is with great regret, dear reader, that I now must tell you the rest of the story. And much like the ending of Tim Burtons Planet of The Apes. The ending to this story is also really shit.

I am right now, as I write this, unemployed.

I will however be re employed as of monday at 5pm. I am on the rota alot next week and I need the money.

I realise that me immediately returning to work at the restaurant I just quit takes something away from this story, but it's kept you amused for a few minutes hasn't it?

Thats all for now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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