To whom it may concern
Good day. It is with some regret that I must write to you today. I recently wrote you a very lovely letter regarding my infatuation with your delicious beverage. I am quite distressed to report that I have not yet received a reply.
I would like to believe that my letter simply got lost in the post, this surely can be the only logical explanation. Given the amount of love and devotion that went into my letter I am sure you wouldn’t have just ignored it, I even wrote you a poem! I have included a copy of the original letter, dated September 16th 2009, in this envelope and I look forward to receiving your belated response.
I should make you aware that two days ago I purchased a can of Relentless, undoubtedly this is your largest rival in the energy drink market. I currently am storing this can in my fridge in between a bottle of mint chocolate flavoured baileys and a lump of port salut cheese.
This can is being held hostage, If I do not receive a reply from you within a respectable time then it is with great regret that I will start using them for all my energy beverage based needs. I sincerely hope it does not come to this but you have left me little choice. I am quite distraught that you would treat me, one of your biggest fans, in such a manner. I have given you a very large publicity boost in recent months by talking about your beverage in my blog (www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com), and pretty soon there is a chance all that FREE PUBLICITY will be going to your competitor.
Are you really going to let that happen?
Both of our fates lie in your hands!
So oh wonderful reader of this wonderful letter.
What will become of us?
Please also be aware I wrote a letter to Relentless to see what they would offer me should I switch my allegiance. It was posted on the same day as this letter and it will be interesting to see who replies first.
(Long term Customer/possible future EX customer)