Monday, 28 December 2009

Dear Relentless (A.K.A. Envelope 8 of 50)

Hows it goin?
I am hungover again so here's another letter in the 50 envelope challenge as I can't be arsed writing anything interesting or creative.

Dear Relentless
Good Day, How are you today? I hope all is well. I am writing to you with a wonderful offer. I recently bought and enjoyed a can of your beverage. I was impressed both at the price and size of the can. This is definitely better than your major competitor “Red Bull.”
Now I will be honest with you here, I am a big fan of Red Bull, I’ve been drinking it for years and it has got me through some tough times, most notably Christmas 2007 where I was on 3 a day, every day throughout the month of December.
However, I am seriously considering switching my allegiance to yourselves. I recently wrote a very, very nice letter to Red Bull asking some questions regarding the beverage and generally saying how much I loved them, I even wrote them a poem! (you can read the letter on my blog if you like
I am sad to say they never replied to me. I have taken this very personally. It is nothing short of a slap in the face. I loved that drink and have frequently given them massive amounts of FREE PUBLICITY on my previously mentioned blog. Well now I am offering that to you!
Would you be interested in my custom?
I am curious if you will treat me the same as the overly confident Red Bull, or will you treat your customers with the love and respect they deserve?
I should let you know that I am a big believer in second chances and with that in mind, I have been slightly adulterous and I have pitted Red Bull against you. I sent them another letter asking why they never got back to me in order to give them one more chance to win me back, I also threatened to move my allegiance to yourselves. That letter was posted on the same day as this one and I have decided that whoever gets back to me first (or at all) will be the victor. It is they who shall receive my custom, it is they who shall be bigged up on my blog on a frequent basis.
It is they that shall get me though every morning when I awake confused and hungover.
Are you up to the challenge?
In my original letter to Red bull I asked them several questions, I feel it is only fair to ask the same of you.
Is your drink unhealthy? My friend Althea says it is and I am a tad concerned.
Surely something so Awesome can’t be bad for you?
Can it?
I am sure you have seen or at least heard of the Red Bull Mobile

Tell me, do you have something similar? A Relentless mobile, or maybe something cooler, Like a relentless motorbike, or relentless helicopter? If so, any chance I could borrow it?
I would be happy to give you as much free publicity as possible on my blog and when ever I am out and about in town. If you wish to send me anything to help in that publicity (i:e some free cans of Relentless, Relentless T-shirts, keyrings, a car, etc, etc.) I would be happy to accept them.
I look forward to hearing from you
Kind Regards
Andy G
(possible future customer)

I am still awaiting a reply.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you subscribe then your life will be spared when I rule the world!

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts with Thumbnails