Wednesday, 2 February 2011

The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy Part Two: X-rated drinks, a mutant cow and a bloody good burger!


How's it goin?

Previously on The Blog Of Andy G......

And now the exciting conclusion of......... 

The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy

Althea and I had just finished our Starbucks, and decided to face the inevitable. This was our moment of destiny, would we get to use our two for one voucher? Or would we be forced to do the unthinkable, and eat at Frankie and Bennys. A fate that no man deserves.

We slowly approached the restaurant. As we walked, we passed one of those smoothie places that have popped up everywhere. They had buckets of oranges and pineapples on the shelves as decorations.

Decorative pineapples, that's mental!

Now I'll be honest with you dear reader. I wanted to steal one of those pineapples.

The last time I stole a pineapple it was brilliant!
Admittedly I don't remember much about this night, I don't know where this pineapple came from, or where it ended up. But according to this picture I am very happy to have it in my hands. I do know that we were in Poland. And I remember that shortly after this picture was taken, Aders nearly got in a fight because he asked a girl if we were in a gay bar or a straight bar. Because it was a very loud bar he had to use the international hand gestures gay and straight.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

Unfortunately for Aders, the girls who he was talking to had a boyfriend, a rather large boyfriend. He saw what Aders was doing and got the wrong end of the stick.

We left the bar rather quickly and never returned.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand. As well as decorative pineapples, they also had decorative baskets of oranges and lemons. I suggested Althea cause a distraction by dancing in front of the staff and I would swipe the pineapple. Althea wanted to take the oranges and lemons. A debate ensued.
Althea said that we could use the oranges and lemons to make some drinks of our own. We could combine orange and lemonade.

Names for this magical new drink were suggested.



Then I came up with,


Pronounced Le Minge.

I'm sure it will be a big hit!

In the end we stole nothing, as stealing is wrong. So you shouldn't do it.

Plus we were really hungry for our Handmade burger. 

We continued our slow walk to the burger place. Both of us terrified that our desire for a Handmade Burger would not be fulfilled. We saw no one at the front door. Surely this is a bad sign.
And then as the restaurant came fully into view, we saw.......

People sitting down!


The smoke had cleared.

Never in my life had I been so happy that I could get a burger! We were sat right away and we began our study of the menu.

Althea is perhaps one of the most indecisive people on the planet. She looked at the various options available. They have over 40 different types of burgers, which is just mental. Almost all of them sound ace. A couple however do not really appeal to me. Mainly the Veggie options.

An Onion Bhaji Burger??

And Althea seriously considered getting this.

Isn't that just an onion bhaji in a bun?

Maybe I am wrong, but it didn't appeal to me anyway. I opted for the Blue Cheese and Bacon Burger and Althea eventually decided on the BBQ Cheese and Bacon Burger.

The only thing I don't really like about Handmade Burger, is that no one takes your order. You have to go up and queue at the bar, and pay in advance. Also when they seat you they tell you what number section you are in, and you have to tell the cashier you are in section number whatever. Then they give you a card to stick on your table so the waiters know where you are. 

Why not just number all the tables to start with? 

I can see the advantage of the queuing at the bar system from the point of view of the business. It means you will likely need less staff and less training. It's much easier to control the cash flow, and it just saves on manpower. But it is really annoying. While we were there a couple did sit down at the table not far from us without being shown to a table, they just turned up and sat down. They waited for a good five or six minutes before anyone spoke to them. This is not anyones fault, it's just how this particular restaurant operates. The couple were shocked that they had to order at the bar, and they just got up and left. It is annoying from a customer  point of view, the restaurant is making the customer do something. Something that they can go next door and they don't have to do. 

It must also be really crap on the staff for tips. No bill is payed at the end so no one is going to leave a tip, and to be honest why should they? Very little service is done. Yes, someone will bring you your food and check that your are enjoying your meal. But that's it. There is very little interaction between staff and customer. I did notice a coffee cup marked tips at the bar which had a handful of change in it, but I'm not gonna tip someone before I've even eaten. Which is a shame as I bet that very few people actually tip. It's a real pain in the arse from the staffs point of view. But on the other hand, it's probably not very hard, compared to other restaurants. 

After we had decided what we were having, I noticed the queue had quite a few people in it, so I decided to wait at the table until it went down. Althea took this opportunity to look at the menu again and change her mind a further 12 times. She eventually decided on a Chicken BBQ Cheese and Bacon Burger. As soon as she said this I immediately joined the queue. It was actually longer than it was originally, but if I went up now it meant Althea could not change her mind again.

I placed my order and handed over my voucher, I ordered a portion of fries, a portion of onion rings, the two burgers, a sparkling water and a diet coke. Obviously one of the burgers was free due to the voucher so the total was just over £17. If I didn't have the voucher it would have been nearly £25. A bit pricey but the burgers are good. It is slightly annoying that you only get the burger, you need to order everything else separately. So a bowl of chips cost extra. Granted everything is home made, and everything is very good. But I'm poor. They do offer a 15% student discount but I couldn't get that today because of my free burger voucher.

The food came within 20 minutes, during which time Althea talked about how she once attempted to beat up a girl by jumping on her feet. Althea then ran away embarrassed that she didn't know how to beat anyone up. I pointed out to her that on the plus side no one chased after her, as the girl had sore feet.

Both burgers were excellent, cooked to perfection and tasted great. The chips were also very good. As were the onion rings. Although we could have done with a few more.

As I said we have been here a couple of times before. Most notably was about a month ago when Ivano was home. And it was on the fateful day, that Ivano uncovered The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy.
When this video was made Althea was in a particularly bad mood with me. Mainly because I posted this picture of her on facebook.

If you can't see the video above, then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE! It will BLOW YOUR MINDHOLE!

And so ends the tale of The Great Handmade Burger Conspiracy. Overall it was good. I will be going back. They have a loyalty card scheme and I have two stamps now!
Over all I give Handmade Burger....

One Thumb up!

That's All For Now 

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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If you do subscribe then the next time I have a two for one voucher for handmade burger, maybe I will take you!

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