101 fun things to do in a lift

Hi

Hows it goin?

I think the title says it all really. For those of you who read 101 things you probably didn't know about Andy G, you may have noticed, 
Number 25: Andy G once wrote 101 fun things to do in a lift. 
I wrote these nearly 10 years ago for my school yearbook and thought I would share them with you now.

Some of these have some video clips along with them, so stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

101 FUN THINGS TO DO IN A LIFT

1: Call the lift your ship and make all the passengers your crew and bark orders at them.

2: Take along some animals and start a zoo

3: Start a disco dancing competition

4: Talk to your thumb

5: Pretend you are on Star Trek and every time you push a button say something like "To the ground floor, warp factor 8. Engage!"

6: Do your ironing

7: Do a strip tease

8: Ask what floor people want and push the wrong button

9: Wear a sailors uniform and greet every passenger by saying "Ahoy there matey!"

10: Set up a shop which sells nothing but pornography and gardening magazines

11: Sell used cars

12: Sell your friends

13: Sell yourself

14: Try to burst your spots

15: Try to burst other peoples spots

16: Ask people for the time and when they tell you, look at your watch and say "Oh yeah."

17: Ask people for the time, if they say they don't know then look at your watch and shout "WELL I DO!"

18: Wear a pair of rollerblades and attempt to "grind" the other passengers

19: Take the chewing gum out of your mouth and offer it to the other passengers

20: Pick your nose and offer it to the other passengers

21: Start a nightclub and don;t let anyone in unless they are over 18 or really good looking

22: Hold the annual Aberdeen football club fan club convention

23: Take a blow up doll and have some fun

24: Take a blow up sheep and have some fun

25: Take along some soil and plant a tree

26: Reassess Einstein's theory of relativity

27: Try to eat the other passengers

28: Try to eat the lift

29: Try to eat your own shoes

30: Try to eat a pot noodle (no one wants to eat a pot noodle)

31: Try to eat yourself

32: Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while and then announce in a loud and confident voice,

"I AM A FISH!!"

33: Continuously sing Bohemian Rhapsody and head bang at the appropriate part

34: Perform River Dance

35: Create your own religion and try to convert some people

36: Try and undo the straps on your straight jacket

37: Stand in the corner and head butt the wall

38: Every now and then, bark like a dog

39: Every now and then, Baa like a sheep

40: Ask every passenger to marry you

41: Bring along a bed and have a power nap

42: Say that you are Elvis and you faked your own death in order to pursue a career in lift operation, then start singing to prove it.

43: Talk to your foot

44: DO your best Dom Joly impression (if you can't see the video below CLICK HERE)

45: Take your maths homework with you and get the other passengers to do it for you by calling it market research on the maths skills of the british public

46: Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while and then shout in a loud, confident voice,

"I AM FANTRATA WHOOOBEEYAA THE VOODOO KING!!"

47: Take a yoyo with you and hit the other passengers on the head by doing an "all around the world"

48: Open a restaurant

49: Hide in a coffin and make groaning noises occasionally

50: Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then roar at them

51: Ask every passenger who comes comes in if they think chickens are attractive

52: Smile and make pleasurable moaning noises, then say, "sorry my mobile is on vibrate."

53: Say to everyone who comes in, "Oh my god, you killed Kenny, you bastard!"

54: Hop around and pretend to be a kangaroo

55: Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while and then say "I've got new socks on."

56: Say that you are santa and ask every passenger what they want for christmas

57: (if you are male) When an attractive woman gets on the lift, stand in the corner and mutter to yourself, "Down boy, down boy"

58: Shout "SNIPER" and drop the ground

59: Hum the mission impossible tune and do commando rolls

60: Call everyone who comes on the lift Bob

61: Start singing "I will survive"

63: Make airplane noises

64: Challenge every passenger to a duel

65: Quickly take off your jacket, throw it to the floor and stamp on it, and start shouting, "IT'S ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE!!" Then faint.

66: Ask everyone who comes on the lift, "Who would win in a fight, Superman or Captain Birdseye?"

67: Say hello to another passenger and if they ignore you say, "Oh come on, don't be mad, I know we both said some things that we didn't mean, but it doesn't mean we still don't love each other."

68: Pretend to be a teletubbie and say "eh-oh" every now and then

69: Take a whoopee cushion on board and let the hilarity commence

70: Open a shoe shop

71: Give yourself a hair cut

72: Start panicking and screaming with fear every time the lift moves and grab onto another passenger for safety

73: Say "Ok who farted"

74: Ask another passenger "You haven't seen a fried egg lying around here have you?"

75: Say "MOOOOOO" occasionally

76: Say to another passenger "Hey hey good lookin!"

77: Take a pencil out of your pocket, hold it like a sword and shout at another passenger "ON GUARD!"

78: Put on a ginger wig and claim to be Bianca from Eastenders

79: Play table tennis

80: Breed ferrets

81: Put on a rock concert

82: Create a perfectly functioning replica of a woman, capable of independent decision making, abstract thought and completely indistinguishable from the real thing.

83: Become a Madonna imersonator

84: Form a band and "Jam"

85: Hold the next general election

86: Open a gerbil race track

87: Fill the lift with water and go scuba diving

88: Sell double glazing

89: Have a wrestling match

90: Do a trapeze act

91: Build a housing estate

92: Re enact every scene from "Short Circuit"

93: Put up a picture of yourself which says, "WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE, FOR THE DEATH OF SEVERAL CHICKENS IN THE LOCAL AREA"

94: Film an episode of "Top Gear"

95: Bet the other passengers that you can jump up and down on one foot until your hipbone is pounded into dust

96: Sell the dust collected from your hipbone

97: Bet the other passengers that you can stick a £20 note up your nose, when they give you the note, run away.

98: Open a betting shop

99: Perform a stand up comedy show

100: Read The Blog Of Andy G

101: Write 101 more fun things to do in a lift

These were all written aprox ten years ago, I changed a couple because they were specific to the school. I wonder if anyone is actually gonna read all this shite? If you have I bet you feel a bit let down eh?

Come on, gimme a break. 


I'm trying to post something original every fucking day for a month, that's not easy.

So fuck you!

Sorry, I haven't had a Red Bull for nearly 3 weeks and I am suffering from withdrawal.

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

If you want to get all the crap I write delivered straight to your inbox then go to www.TheBlogOfAndyG.com and put your email address in the wee box that says "subscribe."

If you do subscribe then I will do something fun in a lift, with you!