Thursday, 1 April 2010

The Middlesbrough Incident

Hows it goin?

So today it begins, I shall be blogging everyday for a month. So everyday at the crack of noon, something will be posted in the blog.
I make no guarantees about the quality of content. It's hard to write something everyday.

I am going to blog every day,
from the first of April till the first of May.
I'll tell you some stories from my past,
you'll hear of the glories, when I was having a blast.
Some of the entries, will probably be crap,
It's not like I have, great stories on tap.
I'll tell you tales of my time in New York,
I'll tell you tales of why I'm a dork!
I have to go now, I've got stuff to write,
I hope you enjoy, all of my shite!

So to kick off my month long blogging extravaganza, here's a story from when I was a student. 

The first time.

Many, many moons ago I lived in Middlesbrough. I somehow managed to get a place in the university of Teesside. I'm still not sure how. During my time down south I had many drunken adventures, this is one of them.

The year was 2001 and it was a day like any other in the city of Middlesbrough. The sun was shining through the smog and I awoke  hungover with half a kebab in my hand. I finished the kebab for breakfast and proceeded to go out about my usual daily routine. I put on my dressing gown and my cowboy hat, and moved my fat ass from my bedroom to the living room. I watched Spin City on Channel 4, then Neighbours on BBC 1, followed by Diagnosis Murder. After a busy day watching TV I had a well earned nap. I awoke a couple of hours later when my flat mate and drinking buddy Ben returned home. We created another one of our award winning students meals and opened a couple of beers. It was shortly after dinner, when we were on our third beer, Ben suggested something, something ridiculous.

I of course dismissed his suggestion for the stupid idea it was. Ben persisted. I continued to ignore him. Then approximately 4 beers later, his stupid idea suddenly sounded not so stupid.

I was still a bit hesitant but Ben used his evil mind control abilities and managed to convince me to go thru with it. (By evil mind control powers, I mean he gave me more beer.)

He invited our neighbour, Jeanette round to assist in this incredibly stupid endeavor. She had some experience with this kind of situation and we thought it best to seek some advice.

She clearly loved every minute of watching us do something very stupid. Our minds were clouded with beer and in our heads we were awesome, in reality we were morons!

About half way through I realised how stupid this was, I didn't want to do this, what the hell was I thinking? But I was in too deep, there was no way out, I made my bed and now I had to lie in it. I was not happy.

I tried to put a happy face on the situation

I think Ben was also in a similar frame of mind.

It was too late now. I was trapped, like a rat. Like a drunken rat. Like a drunken rat in a student house. Like a drunken rat in a student house in Middlesbrough. Like a drunken rat in a student house in Middlesbrough with a stupid thing on his head.

45 minutes later, both myself and Ben had several more beers in us and we started to accept our fate, we even thought it was kind of cool. We were drinking heavily and our shame and embarrassment had long since drowned in a sea of cheap lager. We were living the dream, we were awesome!

This was going to be LEGEND..........

wait for it


It was time, time to see the end result, time to see what we had done to ourselves, we were excited! Jeanette sat in the living room with a big smirk on her face. She knew how cool we were and I think she was a little jealous that she wasn't as awesome as us.

In retrospect I think she was smirking because she was sober and could clearly see how stupid we were.

The time had come, I arose from my chair, finished my can of lager and headed to the shower.

I emerged from the shower approximately 10 minutes later, I looked in the mirror and I was slapped in the face by the cold hand of reality.

Why had I done this?

Why did I let Ben talk me into this?

And why did Ben do this too?

Oh dear god what have we done????

I got drunk,
I dyed my hair.
how low had I sunk?
I got quite a scare.
I looked like another Macaulay Culkin,
I looked in the mirror and I started sulkin.
Ben and I were slightly Boozy,
the glare off our heads, was making us woozy.
I began to stare, at the colour of my hair,
and I was as quiet as a mouse.
I looked over at Ben, and said never again,
Will I get drunk with hair dye in the house.

Here's a video of someone else who did something stupid with a bottle of hair dye.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

Thats All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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